That’s usually when it happens.
One second I’m sitting there, chest tight but manageable, the words spilling out before I can stop them. The next something snaps back into place. The mask. The armor. The thing that’s kept me upright for years.
I feel it lock in.
My jaw clenches. My shoulders go rigid.
This is a mistake.
I push out of the chair, pacing the small office like the walls are closing in. “This is bullshit,” I mutter, rubbing the back of my neck. “I shouldn’t be here.”
I don’t look at her. If I do, I might lose whatever control I have left.
“Wilder—”
“I don’t need this,” I cut in, sharper than I mean to be. “I don’t need someone picking apart my head like I’m broken.”
The word hangs there. Broken.
Fuck.
I hear the chair shift as she stands, but she doesn’t step into my space. Doesn’t challenge me. Doesn’t flinch.
“I’m not saying you’re broken,” Amelia says calmly. “I’m saying you’re hurting.”
I spin on her then. “You don’t know a damn thing about me.”
The anger burns hot and fast, flooding my veins. I hate that it’s here. Hate that it’s aimed at her of all people. She didn’t do anything to deserve this.
Her eyes don’t harden. They don’t soften either.
They steady.
“You’re right,” she says evenly. “I don’t know everything about you. But I know what happens when someone’s grief has nowhere to go.”
I scoff. “So now you’re the expert?”
“I’m trained,” she replies. “And right now, I’m the person sitting across from you.”
I rake a hand through my hair, breathing hard. “I don’t want to be angry,” I snap. “But it’s like…” I gesture helplessly at my chest. “It’s just there. I didn’t ask for it.”
“I know,” she says quietly. “Anger feels safer than the rest of it.”
That hits harder than I expect.
I laugh bitterly. “Yeah. Because if I stop being pissed, I might fall apart.”
She nods once. “That’s a real fear.”
I turn away again, gripping the edge of the desk like it’s the only thing keeping me grounded. My voice drops, rougher now. “I don’t want to take this out on you.”
“I know,” she says.
Not it’s okay.
Not don’t worry about it.
Just, I know.
