“Nothing, Koa Rain Cimmerian!” I lobbed a beer at each brother, Cas catching his without breaking rotational momentum. “Although therewasa questionable glitter at the bottom…”
“Isn’t anyone going to saymymiddle name?” Cas demanded as he used his teeth to open his bottle.
“No, Casimir Leif Cimmerian,” I sneered. “It’s a dumb name, and no one wants to say it.”
“It’snotdumb! Now say it!” Cas pouted. Actually full onpoutedwith folded arms, pooched lip, beetled brow, and everything.
“Tenebris me devoret,” Ko sighed.
“Bro, you better be recording this!” I grinned widely as I sat down.
“I confirmed the Harrow twins brewed up a curse and sent in the hawk,” he said. “Scried through the robin’s eyes with Arabesque in her study. Sisters argued and are now venting their frustrations. I refuse to watch that, but my bot is scanning the audio for key words and phrases. If it finds anything, it’ll alert our phones.”
“Doing the hired help, huh?” I shoved a handful of popcorn in my mouth. “Anyone say what that curse does? Lemme guess. Full Sleeping Beauty. Prick a vein, eternal coma, poison spindle optional.”
“Dunno. Something bad.” Cas stopped spinning, shoulders vibrating. “Should’ve burned those bitches when we first smelled their rot.” His growl dropped an octave, electricity crackling through the vowels. “Instead of planting clicky-clacky buggies—”
“Spy eyes,” Ko corrected.
“—in their lacy underthings.”
“In theirdelicates?” I choked on my beer. “Koa, you dog!”
“Shut up!”
“Apologies, my good bitch. No more kink-shaming, I swear.” I tossed a popcorn kernel at Casimir’s forehead. “Question is, what flavor of vengeance makes those harpies’ nipples hard? Were they trying to morph Seri into a hedgehog?”
Cas caught the next kernel mid-air. Crunched it thoughtfully.
“Not hedgehogs. No, no, too cute. And they can’t wear tiny hats. No hedgehogs, Z. I forbid it.”
“Five minutes ago, you wanted flamingos—”
“We do not keep secrets from ourwife!” Cas bellowed as his fist hit the desk, rattling keyboards. “She deserves thetruth, Zane! Even if it…” His anger dissolved into a hiccup. “Even if shecries. Which would be terrible.Terrible, Ko. Because her tears are… sparkly. Andwet. They’resparklyandwet, Zoodle. And they… And they make my chestache. I don’t want her to cry ever, ever,everagain.”
His pupils were blown so wide, there was only a rim of green left. Ko and I exchanged a look.
“All right.” I pried the beer from his loose grip. “Bedtime for all little Valkyries.”
“Not tired. Do the buggies have tiny hats, too?” He slumped forward, forehead thunking against the desk. “Need to test Brummy.”
“Test him in what?” I paused. “Teeth puncture rates?”
“Test him as a protector. Prove he’s not… Prove he is…” A shudder ran through him before he roared, “Furry usurper!”
“Not this again,” Ko groaned.
“Excellent! Do you think we can find a way to use lasers?” I wiggled at the happy thought.
“No lasers.” Cas paused to yawn. “And my mother isReginleif, dumbass! That’s why… Why… Why, what?” His eyes tearing up, he gave Ko a look of utter tragedy. “Koko. Whywhat?”
“Um, why it’s Leif?” our little brother suggested cautiously.
“Why it’s Leif!” Cas beamed. “Unner… unner… unnerwear, Dane Zorian?”
“Most days, Lasimir Ceif, if I can find clean ones.” With an enormous grin, I picked him up in a fireman’s carry. “I also underwear that your ass is drunk.”
“We are going to die.” Koa buried his face in his hands.
