The rest of the drive is quiet. Bella doesn’t ask anything, and I sure as heck won’t either. Holden looks semi terrified, and I feel bad for him.
Bella steps out with a thank you, a see you at practice tomorrow, and an awkward wave and runs to the house. I leave my butt parked on this seat, unable to move, unwilling to detangle the mess in my head and figure out what to even approach first.
“That was…” I whisper instead of tackling any of my thoughts right now. So adulty of me.
Holden chuckles. He shakes his head and then laughs. His laugh is so precious. His forehead is on the steering wheel, andhis rumbly laughter fills the space. It’s endearing and completely out of character.
I can’t help but laugh too.
Soon, we sound like two idiots laughing about who knows what inside his car, in my driveway.
“What are we laughing about?” I ask, practically having to wipe drool out of the corner of my mouth.
“Honestly? I don’t know, but I had a lot of feelings, and my therapist says laughter helps them come out. So, I gave it a try. It worked, I think.”
We settle down, evening out our breathing as both our chests raise and fall in unison.
“So, Coach Clay, huh?”
“What are the odds, Natalie? What are the odds the kid I connected with the most from the team is the daughter of the woman I can’t stop thinking about?”
I suck in a breath.
“I know you’re not ready to date. It was clear with how many times you said it. That’s fine with me. I’m glad to be your friend.” He smiles, holding my gaze. “I love spending time with you. Both our lives are a little chaotic right now, but being around you feels like peace for the first time.”
He’s eloquently putting into words so many feelings I’ve had coursing through my mind lately.
“I think that maybe, it was serendipity that we met, you know? But seeing Iz—um, Bella, shit, I didn’t ask her what she wants me to call her.” He shakes the thought away. “But seeing her today and connecting the dots was wild.”
“What dots?”
“She talked about missing her dad last Friday at practice. I’ll let her share more with you, but she spoke so highly of him. It was both beautiful and heartbreaking to see. And then you speak of him, Nick, the same way.”
“You said his name.”
“Does it bother you?”
“No,” I answer quickly.
“It’s important to say their names. We honor them when we do, even when it’s hard. So if it doesn’t bother you, I’d like to.”
I nod, realizing I know his sister’s name is Liz but I don’t know his mom’s. “What’s your mom’s name?” Present tense, because that will be her name forever.
“Brenda.” His smile is simple and beautiful.
“That’s a beautiful name.”
“Old school, but yes.”
I close my eyes, sinking into the seat once more. “It’s not that I don’t want to dateyou, it’s that I don’t know if I know how.” I choose honesty for once. This day has already been pure chaos; what’s a little bit more? “But I agree with you. I like this friendship we’re developing. I like being around you. I hope that’s enough for now.”
“It is.” His hand squeezes mine over my lap, leaving goosebumps in his wake. “You are enough in any capacity.”
Why does that tug at my heartstrings even more? What a patient man.
“So are you.”
“So what now?” he asks.
