My heart whispers as a lone tear trickles down my cheek, landing on the corner of my lips where he used to kiss me goodnight.
I’m lost in my internal spiral when Bella and Vero walk back to me, hand in hand, two soft smiles on their faces. They’re so strong, and they don’t even know it.
My girls.
His girls.
They get it from him, that’s for sure. Me? I’m the cookie crumbling every time you try to pick it up.
“Are you going to talk to him today?” Bella asks, pointing at the grave.
I shrug and stand, smoothing my shirt and tucking a curl behind my ear. “Already did.” She comes closer, landing right under my arm like she’s done since she was five.
“I miss him.”
And my heart shatters some more.
“Me too, kid. Me too.”
We walk in silence to the van, our elbows linked and Vero counting, as she’s taught in therapy, until we make it there. I help her buckle, kissing her head.
“Pizza for dinner?”
“Please,” Bella begs, clipping her seatbelt and grabbing a book to read.
I drive us away, leaving my lover and heart behind.
3
SUGAR BESTIE
My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson • It’s OK by Tom Rosenthal
Natalie
“Didanyone other than Allie like this book?” Roe asks with her typical attitude, hating every book we read. If it’s not a dark romance or a book that tears our hearts apart, she dislikes them. I can’t relate to that. I like all books, stories, and genres.
Book club night is my favorite night. It’s the only time I get to talk to adults while the kids are away and I’m not working.
“I did,” Nellie, the youngest in our friend group, says.
“Of course you would. You and Allie are the only two people in the world who enjoy every single book we read,” Roe replies.
“And me,” I add.
I’m always left out of the conversations. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m the only one with older kids, so I wasn’t able to do things like party at Saddlers, the local bar, or travel the country like a sleepy and very pregnant Cara. Cara—my oldest friend, who’s napping from her permanent spot on the corner of thesage green couch across from me. Her feet are tucked beneath her, allowing space on the floor for Roe, who’s sitting crisscross on top of the worn beige rug with her back to Cara.
Roe is the town’s black cat, badass queen, and I swear, she’s my kids’ favorite auntie. We became quite close a few years ago when Cara forced her to start hanging out with us. Her boyfriend, Thiago, or Saint as she calls him, is part of the crew now too. Our very broken but close-knit group.
On the brown couch by her are Allie, Livie, and Nellie. Allie, the best friend a girl could ask for and the best auntie to my kids. I’m so thankful for her and how present she’s been since Nick died.
Nellie is Cara’s little sister, the complete opposite of Cara in every way except for their green eyes. They’re dating twin brothers. Allie’s brothers. Well, Cara married hers, and Nellie's is about to propose to her, but she doesn’t know.
And here, in Nick’s nana's rocking chair, I am. Thankfully, I have all these girls to help me navigate life without him. They’re the reason I won’t move away from Baker Oaks. My parents moved to the mountains near their vineyard over a decade ago and have zero interest in moving back, even for me. I refuse to move so far away from my support group, so here we are.
“So whose turn is it to pick the next book? Is it you, Nat?” Allie asks, startling me from my thoughts.
Livie, our other friend, looks at me with her dark, sad eyes. Livie joined our group a few years ago when she married Alex, who grew up in Baker too. I should probably give us a name. The broken crew or something.
