Something melts in his expression. “You are not.”
“I thought you were twenty-five, max.”
I roll my eyes. “I am almost ten whole years older than that. I had her young, but I am. And she’s the coolest kid.”
“Wow,” he murmurs. “I can imagine she is, with you as her mom.”
I blink fast, trying to keep the compliment at bay. He’s so comfortable with giving them, and I, well, I’m not very good at taking them. “Thanks.”
“Yeah.” He nods, leaning back against the counter. “Can I ask you something?”
“Mmhmm.”
“You said you wanted a time machine that would take you back to five years ago…but your youngest is three…” He lets his words trail off.
“Math isn’t mathing, huh?”
“Something like that, yeah.”
“Five years ago was the last time everything in my life kind of aligned. I lost Nick almost four years ago this September, which means?—”
It dawns on him as he interrupts. “You were pregnant.”
“I was pregnant.”
“God, Natalie.” The compassion behind his words is astounding, completely nerve-wracking. It’s as if he can’t only see my pain, but feel it too.
“Well,” Holden says, voice dropping low, warm, teasing, but earnest underneath, “I’m impressed.”
“By what?”
“You.” He holds my gaze. “By everything you balance. Everything you've been through and still built this precious life."
“That’s sweet,” I say quietly. “There wasn’t another choice, though.”
“I know. And I’m truly sorry there wasn’t, and you had to find the inner strength. And you do, graciously. I saw you with…Vero, was it?” The accent when he tries to say her name is endearing. “I butchered that, huh?”
“Just a little. It’s Veronica, Vero for short.”
He smiles, saying, “Vero” the right way, testing it in his mouth. He repeats it for good measure before adding, “I know they’re lucky to have you as a mom. And if you give them advice like you gave me, I know they won’t make stupid mistakes like I did growing up.”
“Oh.” I can’t keep my laugh from bubbling out at the absurdity of that comment. “I also made a lot of mistakes, trust me.” Not my kid, having her was never one, but having careless sex for who knows how long without protection because I thought I was immune to the whole teenage pregnancy thing was a little irresponsible.
I swallow, suddenly aware of the stillness around us. The way he’s looking at me like he sees the pieces I struggle keeping together, and he doesn’t care if they don’t fit perfectly.
Holden clears his throat, softening the moment with a nudge of humor. “And for the record…I’m definitely still fixing that sign in the back. I saw it’s falling apart too.”
“You don’t have to, really.”
He shakes his head. “Nonsense.”
“Then let me pay you.”
“You did pay me. Coffee, burger, and a good talk? Sold.” He smiles, wider than he has the entire time, pulling one from me.
“Take wine too, please,” I offer, standing and grabbing a couple of bottles from the fancy rack, as Bella says.
“So I have an excuse to come back tomorrow.”
