I nod.
“Do you want to have sex with him?” Allie asks, wiggling her brows.
“Allie!” I whisper-shout, careful not to spook Vero and Nico, who are quietly playing in the kids’ corner.
“There’s no one here, babe, and everybody fucks.”
“Allie,” I grunt, pointing at the kids.
She shrugs. “Oops.”
“You’re hanging out with Roe too much.” I continue to clean the area, letting Allie wait for my reply.
“So, do you?”
I shake my head.
I shrug.
I nod.
Who am I kidding? Of course, I want to have sex with him. But there’s just…so much he hasn’t seen. So much no one has seen. Do I even remember how to do it? I can bring myself to climax no problem with my little friend, but being with someone else?
“I’m scared, I think.”
“Oh, honey.” She walks around the register, placing her hand on my back. “It’s okay to be scared, and I think it’s normal too. You and Nick were together all your lives. But you know what? A good partner would understand that, and if he’s pressuring?—”
I shake my head. “No, not at all. Actually, it’s the complete opposite. He’s following my lead. He hasn’t mentioned it once. I know he wants it too, but he’s respectful. He listens to my cues.”
Her smile softens her features. “He sounds like a good man.”
“He is.” I exhale for the first time in what feels like minutes. “I’m lucky. I know I am. I’m just, I don’t know. Nervous?”
“Talk to him. It sounds like he would listen, and you really shouldn’t be holding everything in. A relationship needs communication both ways, about everything. Lean on him.”
“When did you become so wise?” I smile at my friend, grateful I have her and her family in my life. As if on cue, Jake walks in, Bella in tow.
“When I became a mom. Just trying to follow in your footsteps.” She bumps my hip with hers before greeting her husband.
“Mom.”
“Bella,” I reply, hugging my girl, who walks straight into my arms. “You look nice.” She steps back, eyeing me sheepishly. “Is that?” She’s wearing someone’s jersey. Huh?
“Um, yeah? It’s nothing really. A friend let me borrow his so I could get in the school spirit and all.” She’s blushing. She might be the spitting image of her father, but that, the way her face is painted red, is all me. I’m sure she’ll tell me about it when she’s ready. For now, my job is to make sure she’s safe.
“Do I know this friend?” I ask, and she shakes her head.
“He’s in math with me, but he’s new to the school this year. We’re just friends, Mom. I promise.”
I nod, hugging her again and whispering in her ear, “If that changes, let me know, okay?”
“Yes, I will. Now stop smothering me, pleeeeease.” So dramatic, this little one of mine. Not so little, I guess, if she’s ready to go watch a boy play football while wearing his jersey.
"Does Jake know this kid?”
She narrows her eyes at me, nodding. “Uncle Jake, can you tell my mother Caleb is a good guy?”
Jake chuckles as he wraps me in a hug. He always hugs me the same way, two seconds longer than before. Before Nick died. I asked him about it once, and he said he was hugging me long enough for both of us. I lost a husband that day, but Jake lost a best friend—a brother. We don’t talk much about him, but his absence is felt beyond what words can convey.
