“So did I,” he replies in a yawn. I feel so bad. It’s late, he has a long drive, and I’m sure he’s tired, confirmed by that yawn. After dinner, we watched a movie in between long kissing sessions like two teenagers getting to know each other for the first time.
It feels good, though, even if it's slow.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” I offered him the bonus room, but he declined several times. I don’t blame him. I practically threw cold water at him when things got heated. I need to get my shit together.
He shakes his head. “No, I’m good. I promise.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “See you tomorrow?”
“Yes.” He drops a soft kiss on my lips. “Bye, beautiful.”
He walks to his car and leaves me feeling empty for the first time in a long time.
32
FACE OFF
APT. by ROSÉ & Bruno Mars
Natalie
I grip my coffee,warming my hands as it keeps me from squeezing a sleeping Vero on my lap—she’s a kid, not an object to keep me from spiraling every time I see Bella slamming herself into the glass.
“Okay,” I say, eyes locked on the ice, “why are they…all going that way?”
“That’s the play,” Roe says patiently, like she hasn’t explained the same thing over and over. “They’re pressing.”
“Pressing what?” I ask.
“Their advantage,” Cara adds, leaning forward on the bleachers. “We’re tied. Only a few minutes left. This is when it gets good.”
Allie squints beside me. “I thought it already was good?”
Cara snorts. “Oh, honey. No.”
The scoreboard glows above the rink:two-two. Who’s going to win this?
Bella’s team skates hard, blades slicing the ice like punctuation marks. She’s so fast and fierce, and I’m trying to muster some of her courage too, but I feel like I’m going to throw up half the time.
Bella glides past the boards, stick low, dark hair flying out the back of her helmet. My chest tightens again. It takes a special kind of love to let your kid try something they want to do when you know they could get hurt in the process. I can’t keep her in a cocoon forever, no matter how much I want to.
A few more minutes. That’s nothing. That’s a song on the radio. A deep breath in. A good laugh.
“All right, Natalie,” Roe says, tapping my knee. “Now, pay attention. This is crunch time.”
“I am paying attention,” I say. “But I don’t know what I’m looking at, and I don’t want to see if she gets hurt.”
“Neither do I,” Allie says cheerfully. “I’m here for vibes—and safety, of course.”
Cara points. “See Bella? She’s on the wing.”
“The what?”
“The side,” Cara says. “She’s fast. Coach wants her there to break away.”
I nod like this makes sense, and like I haven’t spent the entire past two weeks googling basic hockey rules like I’m five.
The puck slams against the boards in front of us with a sound that rattles my body. Girls collide. Sticks clash. Someone yells something. I close my eyes. Damn it. Let her be okay.
