I wait.
I know how to cook, but I have no clue how to finish the pasta we started making from scratch.
I open the fridge and find enough ingredients to make a sauce. I feel a little useless at the moment, and this will have to do.
31
A BROKEN CHINA
I Feel Pretty/Unpretty by Glee Cast
Natalie
Breathe,Natalie, breathe. It was a kiss. A heated kiss. He didn’t see anything. He just touched.
Barely.
I repeat it again and again, willing my breathing to even out, hand on the door, and eyes shut.
Breathe.
It’s okay.
You’re okay.
He didn’t see.
He simply touched.
Barelytouched.
It’s okay.
A lot of women have stretch marks and scars. It’s common. Breathe. In and out.
Breathe.
I don’t dare to open my eyes, not until I can gather myself completely. Breathe. In and out.
Breathe.
I open my eyes, finally, and look at myself in the mirror. What a mess, Natalie.
I didn’t even realize I was crying until now. I’m a complete mess.
Swollen lips from kissing Holden. Puffy eyes from closing them so hard while tears were running down my face. Red cheeks from it all. Oh, and the messiest hair. I rinse my face with the coldest water known to man, pat it dry, trying to erase what just happened, and walk out of the kitchen, where I hope he asks no questions. How can I explain to him I look like a rag doll with the seam on the outside under all these clothes?
“What are you doing?” I ask as soon as I see him tossing something into the saucepan.
“I didn’t know how to finish the pasta, but I started a sauce—a simple butter and cheese sauce, nothing major.”
I blink.
“Did I overstep? So, so sorry.” He turns the stove off, and I wave him off.
“No, it’s fine. Please continue. I’ll get started on the pasta.”
Talk about awkward.
