“Holden,” I whisper.
“Just forget it. Really. You don’t have to take them, and actually, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to either.”
“I want to.”
“Okay, then yes to the gala?”
I nod.
“Good.” He smiles before kissing my cheek and going back to his seat to finish his drink.
I finish cleaning up and getting the place ready for tomorrow. I work tomorrow, but I have Saturday off, and Ellie is coming in. We’re closed Sunday for the first time in forever, since Mondayis the first day of school, and I want to spend the day with the girls. Maybe go for a picnic at the park or something.
We head to my house in silence in his fancy sports car. The box with the bracelet and earrings sits between us, reminding me of what an asshole I was a few minutes ago.
How do I explain to him that expensive things make me a little uneasy? I’m frugal, and it’s hard for me to even consider that someone would buy me jewelry without a reason. All my life, I’ve had to be conscious about spending money, so an expensive gift like this? It’s too much.
“Holden?”
“Mm?”
“It was really thoughtful of you to buy me a gift.”
“They made me think of you, but it’s all good. Really.” He brings his hand over to my side, squeezing mine before letting his rest on my thigh.
If this relationship is going to go anywhere, I have to be honest and explain, right? The thought circles relentlessly, refusing to settle. I can’t freak out and not tell him what triggered me. That’s what healthy communication looks like, right? Even though every instinct I have is telling me to shut down, to swallow it, to not risk being too difficult. I already have so much baggage I bring with me.
My chest feels tight, like I’m bracing for impact. I curl my fingers into my thigh, grounding myself before speaking.
“You were a professional hockey player, right?” My voice comes out careful, and he notices, raising an eyebrow before answering.
“Yeah, why?” he answers easily, but I still flinch internally.
“Um, I’m assuming money is not an issue for you because of it.” The words feel clumsy as they leave my mouth, like they don’t quite belong to me, like I’m chartering unknown territory.
He looks my way in question, his attention fully on me now. God, this sounds so bad.
“This is coming out all wrong.” I rush the words, heat burning behind my eyes.
“It’s okay.” His voice lowers, gentle, calm. “Take your time. I’m patient, remember?”
Something in my chest cracks at that. He’s not annoyed. He’s not pulling away.I should’ve known. I swallow hard and keep going before I lose my nerve.
“I’ve never been able to buy something because I wanted it.” My gaze drops, shame prickling even though I know it shouldn’t. “I live comfortably, but I don’t have a lot of expendable money. I wish I could actually scale the business so I don’t have to work six days a week for almost ten hours every time. I budget hard if I want to get something, and it was always like that before, too.”
With Nick, but I don’t say it. The name sits heavy with memory.I don’t want to spend all my time in this new relationship comparing it to the one I had with him. They’re two different things, and if I’m going to move forward, I can’t keep bringing the ghost of him into this.
Why is it so hard to talk about real-life things like this with people you’re getting to know? Money, budgets, life plans should be easy conversations to have with someone you care about, especially someone whose mouth you’re sliding your tongue into several times a week, who you’re hoping will get to spend time with your kids too.
I exhale.
“So you gifting me jewelry made me a little uncomfortable because I would hate for someone to go into debt for me…” My voice trembles despite my best effort. “…but then I realized you probably didn’t.”
He shakes his head immediately, like there was never even a fraction of doubt. Because he didn’t.
“And you have the money to do things like that, right?” I risk a glance at him, bracing myself.
“I do.” He takes a minute, taking in all this information, drawing conclusions. “So it wasn’t the gift per se, just that it triggered that part of you.”
