“It wasn’t my fault.”
“Again, but mean it this time.”
He swallows hard. “It wasn’t my fault.”
He closes the space between us, landing his head on my shoulder and wrapping me in his strong arms.
Then, he cries.
It’s not like I would’ve thought this tall, broad man who looks like he could kill you with his stare and his strong hands would cry. This is anI feel seencry. This is a five year of hurt cry. This is a boy who grew up in a place where he couldn’t be in fear of his dad, who had to grow up too fast to help his mom, and now, he can finally let go.
I rub his back, drawing circles and communicating without uttering a word. I let him feel I can be here and steady for him, in this moment at least. I let him know with every second that passes that he doesn’t have to put on a strong face for me. He can breathe. He can let go.
I’m not sure how much time passes, but it’s enough for the ice cream to melt and the birds to fly away. It’s long enough that he feels bad for stealing me away from the shop, and even if he’s not saying it, I can see it in his eyes.
“I don’t really care about time, Holden. You needed this, and I’m honored you came to me.”
He smiles oh so softly, holding my small hand in his giant one, walking us back to the store.
“I’m gonna go compose myself before practice tonight.”
“You do that. Big day, huh? Last practice before the first game on Friday?”
He holds his neck, nodding. “Yeah. They’re ready.”
“I can’t wait to see.”
He squeezes my hand. “Goodbye, Natalie.”
“See you later, Holden.”
25
WOW
Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran
Natalie
So Coach Holdenor Coach Clay, whatever he wants to call himself, is quite different from regular Holden. And for the best. He’s handsome, or hot, as the girls would say, on a regular basis, but this? Phew.
He’s out there, dark gray joggers, athletic hoodie, a dark green beanie with his hair sticking out of the back. His glasses frame his face as he very assertively guides the girls through a game I know nothing about. They’re playing each other, practicing, getting ready for Friday.
I gravitate toward watching him coach and skate across the ice effortlessly in between watching the girls play. My girl. She’s killing it, and I’m in awe. She listens attentively to the directions her coaches give. She celebrates when she does something right and gets back up when she falls. She plays with the other girls, passing the puck and skating fast from one end to the other, andboy, I have homework to do. I understand nothing about this game, but she’s thriving.
The other coach, Coach King, blows a whistle, and they all skate to him. He talks to them, but I can’t pick out what he’s saying. I get the urge to get closer so I can tune in and be in the know, but it’s not my place. She’s not a little girl anymore, and she’s proven capable. I can’t wait to talk to her about it in the van instead.
They cheer and leave the ice, and I wait for her to come back out so we can go home. Goosebumps break out all over my arms and back, like the ones you get when something really good or really bad is about to happen. I’m not sure which one it is right now, but when I search the space and find Holden’s eyes on me, I know it is all good. It's a good feeling.
I wave shyly, and he returns it before skating away and leaving the rink. I breathe again. If there was any doubt in my mind I like him more than friends, this was it. The way my entire body came alive with one simple look.
Earlier today, I could feel his pain in every word, in the way he looked. I would’ve given everything to take it away. That feeling doesn’t come for just anyone, and it’s time I admit it. Fake it til you make it, right?
“Mom!” Bella shouts, running to me and throwing her arms around my neck. “Did you see that? That was the best practice ever! We’re so ready for Friday. So, so ready. Aaah!”
“My eardrum is perforated now.”
She takes a step back, hands on my shoulders, and eyes wide. “Sorry.”
