She waved me off, tracing her puffy left eye with ginger fingertips. “Not your fault.”
“Isn’t it?” I took a step, glancing at the clutter topping her desk. “He didn’t strike you for entertainment.”
“No. Not this time.”
My teeth flashed in the dark, for if it had happened before, it would happen again. And, no, reckless personal endangerment aside,thatwasn’t my doing.Myfists hadn’t left those marks, and I wouldn’t take responsibility for his actions. That guilt was Tilcot’s to bear. To answer for. “Then I’m sorry for my part in this. And for your pain. That I couldn’t stop it.” I took another step, setting my hands to the edge of her desk. “Can… can you heal it?”
“Not without betraying that Ican.”A rueful smile plucked at her split lips and she opened the drawer, withdrawing the captain’s ring. Setting it to glitter on the desk before her. “He likes to see his mark.”
My guts roiled, serpents wriggling and squirming in earnest. “He’ll like it less when those marks are onhisskin.”
A shrug.
Throat dry, I wet my lips. “He’s coming for me. Tilcot. The things he promised to do…”
“I know.”
Ofcourseshe knew—he’d already done those things to her, hadn’t he? Practiced his technique, the evil bastard. “Your Grace… I…” I shook my head, unable to define exactly what I was.
She spun the ring of Glaith on its edge, watching it twist in lazy circles. “I don’t think I can fix this, Mila. There’ll be no hiding what you are. Not this time. The Lotus will speak the Truth.” Metal danced on polished wood, lap after lap. “It’s all been for nothing.”
The Eidolon chewed at the back of my scarred wrist. “What if there was a chance?”
For a moment, as the ring wound down and came to a clattering halt, she said nothing. Did nothing but gaze across her desk, one eye half-lidded. And then, “You want the ring.”
It was my turn to smirk. “I deserved that. Worse, because Iconsideredstealing it from you only yesterday. To deny it is beneath us both, because knowing it exists is almost all I can bear.” Hand trembling, I allowed my thumb to trace the brand. “And you’re right not to trust me. Right abouteverything,really.” I laughed, at ease in the shadows. “Iamtainted. Addicted to the darkness. An Empath who’s tasted death. If it weren’t for these accursed chains”—I lifted my left wrist to show off gold ringed by raw flesh—“I’d have surely killed you all by now.”
She hummed, sliding the thick, ancient book shut with a careful, delicate touch. Packing it away in a box behind her desk. “If you’re trying to convince me to let you have the ring, I can assure you—”
“I’m not here for that, Your Grace. Besides”—I smirked—“the Glaith is not the answer. At least not forme.”
The phantom of a similar conversation five years gone made her pause, lifting her brow. “Not for long, anyway.”
“No. Not for long. Unless…” I set my wrist on the desk, letting the Eidolon catch what little light it could. “Unless I had access to a substance that could blind the Lotus and turn every Priestess who touched it into a living ghost. Absent their ki.”
She jerked, clapping her palm atop the captain’s ring. And then, leaning forward, she pressed her forefinger to the exposed alloy hidden in leather, recoiling almost before I felt the pressure of her touch. “I… I should have thought… Raith. Goddess, Mila… that could actually work. How—”
“Alicia,” I breathed. “She’s out there right now, playing nursemaid with the Matron.”
If possible, the High Priestess’ face blanched further still, making the shadows stand out against her translucent skin. “Alicia? She’s been captured?”
I nodded, tight and short. “At first, I thought it was an unhappy coincidence. That it wasmyfault she was captured. Now? After seeing the way she navigates this culture?” I shrugged. “I’m not so sure. And it all makes a twisted sort of sense, given the Caledonian advances with the Glaith technology over the past five years. But without my ki? I’m not certain of anything, except that Alicia can thrive anywhere she lands.”
“She is an impressive young woman. Does the captain know?”
To that, I couldn’t say. Merely lifted a shoulder, still tracing the brand sitting high on my knuckle. “I hate him, you know? Asher. He’s taken everything—” Pain tightened my throat, choking off my confession. “He’s selfish and power-hungry, and sometimes I think nothing would make me happier than seeinghisknees bruised in supplication. But…” A tiny, bitter laugh bubbled up, squashed before it could travel further than the space between us. “But I can trust that whore-monger. Much as I hate to admit it. He holds more power than the general can even conceive of, yetI’mthe only one who knows the brunt of it.”
“He’s a good man.”
I avoided the urge to sneer—but only just. “Youcan’ttrust me. Whatever good you saw in me all those years ago doesn’t exist anymore, if it ever did.” Teeth flashing, I tossed her a quick, savage grin born of my years running beside the queen of the forest. “If I have half a chance, I’ll burn this place to the ground and drink from every man, woman, and child of Caledonian blood who comes bouncing from the flames. Innocent or not. Elite or not. I won’t stop until our people are free of these parasites, even if it means my death.”
“Then—”
“But youcantrusthim,” I pressed, giving voice to my darkest fear. “Asher will carve the darkness from my chest before he lets me have more than the table scraps he feeds me.” Forcing a breath through my nose, I laughed. Shaky with the unburdening. “As much as I regret not tearing out his throat the day we met, the captain may be the only one capable of holding my leash. Maybe your dead Goddess sent him to do just that?” I grinned, quick and fleeting, then said, “I wonder how many will feel it if the general gets his way?”
“There will be casualties of untold proportions.”
I nodded. “If…” My eyes dropped to the hands folded in my lap. One scarred, the other clenched. “If I fail here today, as I did on the field, can we afford the consequences?”
