I almost laugh from nervous excitement. It feels strange and good to finally hear those words. “My heart has always belonged to you too,” I confess.
He props himself up on his bent elbow, and I study his silhouette. “We’re crossing the friendship boundary.” Theraspiness of his voice returns. He shuffles closer, and the weird yet not unwelcomed spark of energy that I felt earlier swirls around us again. “And I think it’s time to give us a label.” He dips his body toward me, forcing me to follow his silhouette and stare into his eyes disguised by the dark.
“It’s what I’ve always wanted,” I mutter, being honest about the feelings that grew for him into something bigger than infatuation; it was love.
“For how long, Erika?”
“For years,” I whisper.
“I need specifics, beautiful.”
It’s time to tell him everything. “When I was eighteen until… now,” I admit, inhaling a sharp breath as he hovers his lips above mine, leaving barely a millimeter between us. “But as I said, you never gave me a second look, and I tried to bury my feelings, only it didn’t work.”
“I was looking,” he admits in the same way he did earlier. He hums and adds, “When you weren’t paying attention, and when your brother wasn’t around.”
“That makes sense, though I still can’t believe I didn’t notice,” I whisper, desperate for him to kiss me.
“I can’t believe you’ve liked me this whole time.”
I want to declare that it’s love, not like, but instead I say, “I’ve been crushing on you since your first game for the Eagles.”
“And you never said anything.”
“Couldn’t.” Because of Ash.
“And I never told you how I really felt either, Erika.” Still curious, he asks, “And you liked me even after you finished your residency?” That was years after our equipment room kiss. We were both single, and that’s when Leon and I grew even closer.
“Yeah.” Yet again, Ash was never too far away, preventing us from happening.
“And when you got your permanent position at the hospital, that’s around the same time I retired from hockey, became a sports agent, and started traveling more than I liked.” His hot breath dusts my skin as he reminds me of our career timelines that kept us apart.
“And that time you went off to Boston for a month, you came back with a girlfriend.” Gigi was a complete surprise to me. The entire time he was gone, Leon never once mentioned her to me, nor did Ash or Lily know about her.
I couldn’t stand being in the same room with them. Gigi had what I wanted.
He and Gigi split up after a couple of years, and since then, I’ve spent almost every day with him. I thought something would change between us then, but Leon never made a move, and the night we went out for his fortieth birthday, there was a band playing at the bar we stopped at before heading home after a meal with family and friends, and it changed everything again between us. “Then I met Huck.”
“He didn’t deserve you.”
“I should never have dated him.”
“I should never have dated Gigi.”
“From the beginning, everything was against you and me.”
“Nothing and no one is stopping us now, Erika.” Through the darkness, he whispers, “Over and over again, we hurt ourselves more than anyone else because I think we were too scared to choose each other. And if I had it my way, right from the get-go, you would have been my first and only choice.”
Frustration about the past makes me run my hands through my hair, and I feel like I’m about to cry from regret, pain, and fear as it spills out of me like fresh blood. “I’m scared, Leon.” My confession feels raw and painful. “For years, every time you had a girlfriend or brought yet another girl to parties and nights out, it broke my fragile heart into tiny pieces until one day I just gaveup on you. I stopped wishing and hoping because it all seemed pointless. Only the guys I met never felt like they were meant for me; they didn’t feel good or right. But when I’m with you, everything feels like you are who I am supposed to be with.” I can’t stop the truth from falling out of my mouth. “And honestly, all I ever wanted was to get over you, move on, and try to forget you, but nothing worked.” I shake my head back and forth. “Why didn’t we tell each other how we felt? I thought Huck was a big mistake, but I think not telling you how I felt or talking to my brother about my feelings for you was an even bigger mistake because loving you from a distance was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It hurt so badly. Even now, this doesn’t feel real, except I know with every cell in my body that I love you. I love everything about you.”
The room blurs as I sob, clenching my eyes shut and digging my hands into my scalp as all the emotions I’ve been holding inside burst open like a flood. “I don’t even know why I’m so upset because this is what I want, yet now I’m here with you, it feels like a test. You were never just some weird teenage crush for me; I wanted you, not just for weeks or months. You say you’ve wanted me for years, but I’ve wanted you for much longer, Leon. Years of loving you from afar were painful, cruel, and you may not have meant to hurt me, but it still stung when you went with all those girls. Shit. I don’t know why the hell I’m telling you this.” As if my body is in physical pain, it hurts to relive those memories. I cover my eyes with my hands, embarrassed at giving too much of myself away, and I weep for the present and the past—everything. “I just...”
My words fade away as soft lips press against mine, muffling my voice into a squeal that makes my heart flip… because he’s kissing me.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Erika
The tension between us evaporates in an instant as my body reacts in ways only he can evoke. No one kisses with a blend of gentle dominance and power quite like him. Although I’ve only felt his lips on mine a few times, his kisses leave me speechless and seem to steal the air from my lungs.
