“If Lily were to pack my things for our honeymoon, I mean, our vacation, which I haven’t done since I initially planned to during my week off, could she drop off my luggage here? Then could I stay with you until we leave? I don’t want to go home. Not yet.”
“Of course you can.” Having her here with me, under my roof, is the safest place for her and reduces any chance of bumping into Huck.
“Great.” She beams with joy. “That means you’ll be stuck with me for three weeks, though. I hope that’s okay?”
I respond immediately, sarcasm dripping from my voice, “That sounds awful.”
Spending a week here and then two weeks in Bora Bora together sounds perfect.
This is the chance I’ve been looking for to show her how I really feel.
It’s now or never.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Erika
Five days have passed.
Five whole days and I’m beginning to feel like myself again.
Staying with Leon was a great idea.
Like I knew he would, he’s allowed me the much-needed time and space I have been craving for a while now. My mind feels clearer, and every day I’ve looked forward to spending mealtimes with Leon, who has been working from home all week because he didn’t want to leave me in the house alone in case Huck showed up. Not that he would.
He ghosted me.
Who can blame him?
Having ignored the inevitable for yet another whole day, including text messages from my bridesmaids, Sofia and Lucia, I plop myself on the edge of the bed and tap my fingers on top of the nightstand, counting the sound of the rings at the end of my phone. When it goes to voicemail, I don’t hang up this time like I’ve done dozens of times.
Instead, I stare straight ahead at Leon’s swimming pool, which I’ve swum hundreds of lengths in since Sunday, and wait for the beep.
“Hey, Huck… it’s Erika.”
I let the silence stretch for a second. “I guess you’re not picking up because you don’t want to speak to me, and I don’t blame you.” My breathing sounds slow and a little shaky. “I don’t even know where to start.” I try to explain myself. “I was in that side room with my dress on, the veil, the nerves... and I justknew. I couldn’t walk out there. I couldn’t make promises to you and tell you how happy I am when it wasn’t the truth.” I scratch the side of my head, glancing around Leon’s guest room, hoping for some inspiring words, knowing I won’t find any. “I’m sorry I left you at the altar. That’s something I can’t undo, but I needed to tell you I’m sorry. For the timing and for not having the courage to say this to your face.”
My voice cracks, but I keep going. “I used to love your carefree attitude, how you had a song for every moment, and bigwhat-ifsfor when you hit fame and fortune. And I’ve spent my whole life being the one who stays grounded, the one who checks vitals, calculates risks, deals with death daily, and doesn’t miss a pulse. It all hit me on Saturday—how different we are and how much we’ve been living separate lives, not just now, but since the beginning. On Saturday, I kept thinking maybe the strange feelings I was having would pass, and maybe if I just took a few deep breaths, it would settle. I’ve been doing that for a while now, but it hasn’t helped, and I stupidly thought I could push through it. When I looked at myself in the mirror on our wedding day, I thought,this isn’t what I want. I wasn’t your future. You weren’t mine.And maybe running away makes me a coward, or maybe it makes me honest for the first time in a long time.”
I stand and pace back and forth across Leon’s guest bedroom, hoping that I don’t wear a hole in the luxury cream flooring.
“You know, I spent so much time believing that if I just held on a little tighter, you’d catch up and help with the bills, buy your own car, or suggest getting a job while you waited for your big break. I also hoped that the band would work out, that you’d sign the record deal you’ve been wanting, but then I started wondering what our life would look like if that happened. Then I realized you don’t want the same things I do. You never did. You’re an individualist who loves to live day by day without worrying about what comes next. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but it’s not how I operate. While you want to travel the world with the band, I want to stay in Edmonton doing the job I love. I like where I live; I’m settled here, and I know that’s not easy because you’ve always made it clear that you want to travel more. I never want to hold you back from chasing your dreams, Huck. I’m not even sure if you want a family, something I do want. Although it’s something we’ve never even discussed.” Even when I tried to talk to him, he never listened. He was too busy trying to write yet another song, but never finished it, choosing to go out with his friends, speak to his small online fan base, or deal with his agent, who’s mostly full of shit, or be out with the band… instead… again.
We were like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that didn’t fit together correctly.
My voice softens. “I’ve been so scared to admit what I already knew deep down.” I suck in a breath, pausing, struggling to get the words out. “That I’m not in love with you.” I blink quickly, my throat tightening. “And after finding those text messages on your phone, I’m not sure I could ever trust you. I’m sorry, Huck. For Saturday, for how it all ended. You deserved the truth a long time ago, but I had to figure my feelings out the hard way. And I’m sorry if I hurt you. That was never my intention.”
He deserves to know my plans, so I lower my voice. “I’m going on the honeymoon with a friend.” I mean, I paid for thewhole thing, but I don’t tell him I’m going with Leon because he’ll flip his lid. Huck has always been jealous of how close we are and has, more than once, told me that he thinks Leon is attracted to me in a way that goes beyond friendship. I swatted his comments away like I would a fly on a summer’s day. However, after the way he kissed my neck last Saturday, something he’s been doing more and more of these last few days, on my temple, my forehead, my cheek, including cuddles on the sofa while watching a movie and leaving me care packages outside my bedroom door, Huck might be right.
Although with Leon and me, it’s only ever been one-sided. That, I am sure of. And the handful of times we kissed, which was years ago now, meant more to me than him.
Clearing my throat, I finish the message. “I have no plans to return to the house before I leave for Bora Bora for two weeks. I’m hoping this will give you enough time to find a new place to stay and move out of my house. If you need the car I bought you for gigs, then keep it until you find a new one.” It’s the least I can do after my catastrophic disappearance on Saturday. “Take care of yourself, okay? And I really do hope you get that record deal. All the best.”
I pull my cell away from my ear, end the call, and toss it on the bed, my eyes fixed on the suitcase Lily packed and Ash dropped off. She did a better job than I ever could, and after going through the dresses and bikinis she chose for me, I’m genuinely excited about spending two weeks on a tropical island with Leon.
A knock on the bedroom door alerts me to Leon’s presence.
“Come in,” I call.
