“I’m fine, baby. Enjoy the game.”
This seems to appease her, and around me, people chat away. Lily’s sister Gemma lets out a large cheer of joy when Buster skates onto the ice. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say something’s going on between them. Lily, Erika, and her family, who are sitting behind me, go crazy when Ash is announced. He’s been to see me nearly every day; our friendship is stronger than ever. It’s made me realize how fortunate I am to have people around who care.
I miss this—the ice, the camaraderie.
I don’t miss feeling like I got hit by a dozen trucks after every game, though. I’m too old for that now, but when I was younger, being a hockey player for the Eagles was what made me leap out of bed every day. Which is ironic, I can’t leap out of bed anymore because of old injuries; I’ve been dealing with the effects of long-term roughing and charging, and my back is fucked. Hockey’s not a game for the faint of heart, and being a sports agent now suits my forty-three-year-old body just fine.
Fine. When I haven’t felt anything butfineall day.
“I need to use the restrooms. Are you sure you’re okay?” Erika asks me again. Her concern for me feels nice.
“Yeah, I’m good. Go,” I lie, which seems to satisfy her.
As she leaves, the flickers from the lights swim in my vision as another dizzying wave overtakes me.
The exact same thing happened yesterday after our kiss in the supply room. Once I left the hospital and Jerry drove me home, I took what can only be described as a turn, where I had to close my eyes for about ten minutes of the journey until it subsided.
Whatever is happening to me, I don’t like it, and it’s making me feel unwell, like I have a stomach and head flu.
I watch on, in a daze, as my ex-teammates put on a show for the crowd, doing tricks and flicking pucks into the audience—I would love nothing more than to be involved, but I know my body isn’t up to it.
I don’t know how many minutes pass, but Erika reappears, looking frantic and out of breath.
“What’s up? Is everything okay?” A sense of worry sweeps over me.
“There’s been an explosion at a chemical plant, lots of casualties. They need me at the hospital.”
“What do you need me to do?”
“Nothing. I have my car outside. Can you have your parents take you home?”
“Yeah, sure. You’re going to miss the game.” I was excited about spending our first night out together as a couple. Being here in the arena seemed right, like we’ve come full circle. Hockey apparently bringing us together.
Ash’s sister. Erika. Purple. Husky. Married. Coin.I repeat the words I’ve been saying over and over in my head, trying to summon Erika into my consciousness. It’s not worked so far.C’mon, brain, get on board.
“Rain check on the date? I’m so sorry.” She bites her bottom lip, looking worried that she’s changed our plans.
“I don’t mind. We can do it another night.” We have forever.
“This is why I love you. You’re so easygoing and accept me as I am. I’ll see you when I get home. I don’t know when that’ll be.” She bends down, smacking a kiss on my lips, leaving me sitting there stunned as she apologizes and waves everyone goodbye.
Then it’s just me, surrounded by thousands of people, and yet I feel so alone. Without her, I don’t feel like me anymore.
When the first period begins, I sit back and immerse myself in the game, clapping and cheering at all the right moments, but still not feeling my best. I don’t give my full attention, just enough to look like I’m invested when I’d rather be at home. Thefast-paced nature of the game makes the arena tilt at impossible angles as my eyes and mind struggle to keep up.
I usually love watching hockey on TV and go to as many games as I can. Tonight, my focus is off, and I feel anything but sharp.
Sticks clash, skates bite into the ice as my ex-teammates move across the rink.
Ash bolts past Brayden, passing the puck to Buster, then Troy, who slaps it back to Ash, who’s speeding toward the goalie. That’s when he takes the shot, sliding the puck straight between the five-hole, the space between the goalie’s legs, and hits the back of the net.
The goal horns roar a wall of sound as bright lights flash all around, the smell of popcorn filling the air as everyone celebrates.
The announcer’s voice booms through the icy air:“Goal!”
Something in that single word strikes me like lightning.
Time splits apart as another dizzying wave threatens to pull me under. And it’s there again, that feeling that’s been happening all day; my vision swims, the nausea, the room moving, the pain in my head intensifies, sweat running down my spine, my mind a storm…
