“Talk to me, Faith,” he whispers before kissing my temple. “Tell me what’s going on.”
I mumble into the soft cotton of his dark blue t-shirt, “I’m a mess.”
His lips graze my temple once again, causing my body to involuntarily squeeze him tighter, holding on for dear life. “That wasn’t an answer, Faith. I’ve asked you to tell me what’s going on.”
Henry has never been one to sugar coat anything or allow anyone else to either. There is no tiptoeing around the truth when he is around.
Shaking my head back and forth, I sniffle. “I don’t know where to start.”
“I want you to just blurt it out. Whatever comes to mind, just say it, and then we can dissect it later.”
I take a deep breath and keep my head pressed firmly against his chest. I know what’s about to come out of my mouth, and I don’t want to see his reaction. So, I just vent. I release it all like I never have before.
“I miss Jeremy,” I sob, “and I feel so mad at him for leaving us. I understand it wasn’t his fault. I mean, how could he have known he would get cancer? How can I be mad at that, Henry?”
“That’s normal,” he interrupts, caressing my hair gently.
Hiccupping, I continue, “I know, but there are other things. I still love Jeremy, but here lately I’ve been feeling more disconnected from him. Like instead of longing for him to be back here with me, I find myself wanting to fall in love again. Find someone to share my life with, to hold and touch and love, because I want that connection. I want my girls to have the father figure they deserve, but I think it’s too late.”
He pulls me away from his arms. The deep emerald color of his eyes penetrates the dark blue of my own. “Why do you think it’s too late?”
I stand up, grabbing a paper towel from the roll and wipe my face and eyes free from tears. He rises to his feet and watches me. The atmosphere of the room slowly turns, electrifying.
“Do you think you can’t find that kind of love again?” he asks, stepping closer. “That you’ll never be able to have feelings for someone again?”
“That’s not it at all,” I scoff, but can’t keep myself from saying what I was trying to hold back, “I already have feelings for someone else, but besides feeling like I’d betray Jeremy, there is something else that may keep me from pursuing those feelings. More than just the taboo of falling for someone this quickly after he died.”
Henry invades my personal space, coming within a foot of me. “I’m trying to understand here, Faith. You’re going to have to just spell it out for me because I don’t know what would keep you from trying to move on. Does it have to do with your appointment today?”
I nod, take a deep breath, and rush the words out that I’ve only shared with Dr. Moretti. “I found a lump in my breast. The doctor wants to do an ultrasound. I have to call tomorrow to set up the test.”
He doesn’t drop my gaze, continuing to stare so deeply into my eyes that I can’t look away even if I tired. With a shaky exhale, he states, “One step at a time.”
My breath hitches. “What did you say?” I’m chilled by the words Jeremy said to me when we found out he had less than six months to live.
“I said one step at a time,” he repeats more confidently. “Let’s take this one step at a time.”
“Let’s?” I snap, testing that word out. I shake my head as I walk over the counter and finish pouring the tea before handing him a glass. “Let’s? This isn’t your problem, Henry.”
The flesh of his cheeks reddens with anger. “That’s where you’re wrong. I told Jeremy I’d take care of you and the girls. You need me. You obviously don’t want to share this with anyone else, even though I think you should, so you’re stuck with me helping you. End of discussion.”
The authority in his tone does something to me. My feelings and reactions are all over the place. I’m faced with the possibility of yet another cancer scare, and here I am trying to tone down the physical responses I have for Henry. I know better than to argue, so I don’t.
“Do you want to stay for dinner?” I ask, trying to thin out the thickness of the air in the room. “I know the girls would love some of your famous burgers.”
Henry is a bachelor, and he’s never really had a steady girlfriend. The man has had to cook for himself since both of his parents passed away ten years ago when he was only eighteen. Jeremy’s parents became Henry’s mom and dad after that.
Propping himself on the counter with one palm, his other hand brings the glass to his lips. “Only if you tell me who this guy is, Faith.”
My body tenses up. “What guy?”
He shakes his head in disbelief. “Don’t pretend like you’re dumb. The guy you have feelings for.”
I shrug. “It doesn’t matter. I’m destined to live my life alone no matter how I feel about someone else, and with all that is going on with me now, I don’t have time to even think about him. And look at me,” I gesture to my body. “I’ve let myself go. Long lost are the days of me attracting someone.”
It’s true. I’ve let other priorities take over, and therefore, keeping up with my hair, nails, and gym time was put on the backburner. My girls are the most important thing to me, and everything else is secondary.
Henry steps closer, his fingers grasping my chin. “You need to stop thinking like that. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You could wear a paper bag and make it look great.”
