PROLOGUE
CASEN
Two hours ago:
After Reece drops me off, I can barely feel my feet as they drag across the lobby floor of my apartment building. It’s early and the brightness of the day pains my bloodshot eyes. My body feels feeble, dejected, and all I want is to curl up in Embyr’s arms and lose myself until this pain goes away.
I’m sorry. We did everything we could to save him. His injuries were just far too much for his body.
The doctor’s words play over and over in my thoughts, and the vision of Ian’s mother falling to the ground, I know, will never leave me. My chest aches with the sobs I’m trying to keep at bay, but it hurts. Everything hurts. I’ve lost one of my longest known and best friends.
I look around the living room. I have no memory of how I got to the elevator and through my door. Searching for my phone, I toss the mail I didn’t realize I grabbed from the mailbox down onto my coffee table and find it setting there. The envelopes scatter across the wood as I reach for my cell, wanting nothing more than to get in touch with Embyr. To tell her I need her more than air right now. My hands, hovering just above the phone, begin to tremble as I spot Ian’s handwriting on a large white envelope.
My mind starts to go to war with itself. I want to open it. I want to feel connected with Ian again, even if just for a moment. Read one of the last things he wrote when he was alive. But I also want to keep it secure and save it for a day when I don’t feel so devastated. Open it on a day when I’m not rushing to run toward the woman I have fallen in love with.
Do I really want to read about Annie when I so desperately need Embyr in my arms?
My curiosity over what the envelope holds wins.
Without thinking, my fingers slide under the sealed flap slowly – my mind must want to see what he found.
I reach in, pulling out a thick stack of papers. Clipped to the top is a note in Ian’s chicken scratch that readsI’m sorry, man. Call if you have questions.
My lungs lose every space of oxygen, knowing I can’t call him. He’s gone.
I lower myself onto the couch and take a deep breath, hoping it will calm the intense beating of my heart, but if Ian is apologizing, what I’m going to find can’t be good. Why didn’t he bring this to me himself? I just saw him the other day. I flip Ian’s note face down onto the coffee table and come across the first piece of information – a birth certificate with Annie’s name on it.
Annie Lynn Barnes, born on May 12th.
A faint smile appears for a brief moment before grief over Ian clouds it, and I hiccup a sob. My shaking hands place the copied birth certificate down on top of his note. Among the pile is information on her parents. Her mother’s suicide. Her father’s untimely death. Their will and the sale of the house she grew up in. I find her acceptance letter to Western Carolina University in Cullowhee, North Carolina but my eyebrows furrow in confusion. At the top of the next piece of paper, it’s titledPetition for Name Change.
I graze over each typed-in entry until I find Annie’s name as the petitioner. Upon reading the legal document further my body temperature rises, and I can feel my blood begin to boil over. My anguish over the loss of my best friend is amplified by the betrayal of the girl who I have fallen so hard for. Annie Lynn Barnes is now Embyr Ann Quinn.
Papers fly around the room as I bulldoze through them. A notification of name change to WCU. Another one to her banks. A diploma with Embyr’s name on it.
My heart cracks even further when I see a young Embyr but grown up Annie adorned with a cap and gown in a picture from her college graduation.
Question after question fills every inch of space in my mind and before I can think twice, I pick up the lamp on my end table and launch it across the room.
Fifteen minutes ago:
With every single step toward Embyr’s condo, my feet feel heavier. Like my shoes are filled with cement and the bag I carry over my shoulder is full of rocks. I lower my head, taking a deep breath, before lifting my hand and banging on the door. The weight of the past twenty-four hours is crushing me, and I can’t hold the tears off any longer. She doesn’t answer so I knock harder then carelessly drop my hand to the side.
I hear the click of the lock and from my downward gaze I see the door swing all the way open but stay rooted. I try to compose myself by keeping my anger and my sorrow under control. I look up, seeing Embyr for the first time all over again. I want her to comfort me. To hold me. Tell me everything is going to be okay. I also want to scream at her beautiful face and fuck all the lies right out of her. But instead I say, “Ian’s dead. He died.”
She reaches for me and I am paralyzed in her embrace. “Casen, oh my God! Are you okay?” She notices my hesitation and immediately lets me go. Her touch feels wrong now, and I feel my blood begin to boil all over again. I walk over and set the bag down, lowering my head and curling my fists to my side so I don’t pick anything up and throw it.
“No. I’m not fucking okay, Embyr.” I roar, my voice much harsher than I have ever taken with her.
Her eyes widen, and she appears frightened. I never want a woman to flinch in my presence but right now I don’t give a shit. She looks up at me. “Is…is there anything I can do?”
I can’t answer her. I’m afraid that I’m going to lose my shit. My body is at war with my emotions. I’m pissed. I’m sad. I’m defeated. I’m broken.
“I’m so sorry, Casen. That’s terrible,” she tells me, her voice barely a whisper.
She wants to console. She wants to make all of it go away. I want that too, but she fucking betrayed me. “No. That’s not terrible.” I involuntarily cry out. “You know what’s terrible? Wanting nothing more than to find my girlfriend, the woman I am in love with, and have her comfort me during the worst fucking day of my life.”
She takes four steps forward and tries to wrap her arms around me again. “I’m right here, Casen. Let me do it.”
