When he saw his visitor, Mr Collins’s unctuous smile creased his face; he was not at all embarrassed, it seemed, at the possibility he had been overheard. His next words proved it.
“Ah, how opportune your visit! I was only gatheringmy thoughts in preparation for a forthcoming event we both, if I may so delicately deduce, anticipate. May I hope, Madam, for your approval when I solicit the honour of a private audience with your fair daughter, Jane—pardon, not Jane—withElizabeth, this morning?”
This morning!So soon! Even knowing that the marriage was for the best possible motive, no female would appreciate so little an attempt at wooing. How stupid was he?
Incredibly so, it appeared. And Mr Bennet was in no condition to provide any sort of reinforcement—if he even would! Frantically, she searched her mind for any possible means of delaying.
Her mind, for once, complied.
“Oh dear! Yes—certainly. I am sure Lizzy will be very happy—I am sure she can have no objection. One little request, just a small thing, surely, but meaning a great deal to the bride. This one ambition has been the greatest desire of her heart since a child. She has always wished, nay,longed, to be married out of the common way. By a licence, that is.”
She saw the shocked look upon his face, and hurried to continue before he could voice his objections.
“Of course, her dreams are notonlyromantic. Just think—once a fellow and his lady have decided to wed, why wait three long weeks for the banns to be called, when he can make her his own the very next day?”
She saw the moment the idiot realised, by the lascivious expression crossing his face, that he would have afemale in his bed at least three weeks sooner by this method; she gagged a little at the idea of it. Resolutely, however, she pressed her advantage.
“Now, a smart man would go to town and procure the licence before he says anything at all to his bride.”
His brow furrowed. “He would? Why?”
Yes, Fanny, why? Think!“Because…because what woman could resist an offer revealing that her suitor has paid such attention to her desires as to havealreadyprocured it! What affections for that man shall be stirred within her breast at his consideration!”
“Hmm. Perhaps so. However, might she also, and rightly, despise the extravagance of this gesture, and feel instead that a husband who avoids such spendthrift ways is a superior choice of mate? Besides, surely Cousin Jane—er, rather, Elizabeth—would be flattered at receiving so good an offer, as to make such deeds unnecessary?”
Unsurprisingly, he was a tight-fisted miser who believed the gift of his ample person to be ample reward for any female lucky enough to earn his attention. It was a temptation to knock him over the head, bury his body in a shallow grave, and hope that the next in line to inherit was someone even slightly worthier. God would surely understand. But she forced herself to think past the impulse, speaking instead to his parsimonious soul.
“Oh, but of course I would never expectyouto finance this romantic scheme. Your sacrifice of time and effort in order to fulfil Lizzy’s dreams is sufficient contribution. Iwill naturally provide you with adequate funds to compensate you for the expenses of the trip… Shall we say, twenty pounds?”
She did not suppose he could accomplish the whole thing in one day. If she were truly fortunate, Mr Jones’s predicted storms would delay him further—ifshe could just send him on his way before the bad weather arrived. But even counting fare to London and back, a night or two at an inn, and a bond to secure the licence, twenty pounds was far more than was necessary. As she had guessed, his small eyes alit with greed; his obstinacy gave way before his avarice.
“I suppose it is the right thing to do, indulging my bride in her dreams,” Mr Collins opined. “I am a generous man always, I hope, and she should not be made to wonder whether her husband will do all that is necessary to increase her happiness. Still, perhaps I ought to speak to her first, so that she might experience the pleasures of anticipation.”
“No!” Mrs Bennet’s protest was far louder than she had meant, and he reared back in alarm. She moderated her tone. “It is just that thesurpriseis everything to her. It will ruin all if you reveal the gift before she is allowed to open the package, so to speak.”
Reluctantly, and after a few more arguments, he agreed. She sent Hattie to help him pack for his journey, and then set about the tedious task of writing a letter of permission for the underage Elizabeth’s marriage, andthen the even more tedious task of having Mr Bennet sign it without enquiry as to what it was for. Fortunately, his medication precluded all sensible thought, but it required considerable amorous effort instead and so, while thus engaged, she wheedled the twenty pounds from him, which saved her the further exertion of searching his book-room. All told, it was a successful, albeit exhausting, morning. She had gained herself at least a day and maybe three for her husband’s recovery; certainly, he would force Elizabeth’s agreement—and possibly by then, Mr Collins might even have memorised her name.
All five of the Bennet sisters displayed varying degrees of surprise when Mr Collins announced his departure for London in the early afternoon.
“Oh, but do you intend to miss the ball?” Lydia exclaimed.
“Perhaps our cousin does not find such amusements proper, and has no intention of accepting Mr Bingley’s invitation,” Elizabeth offered smilingly.
At this, Mr Collins turned to her. “I am by no means of such an opinion. I assure you that I am so far from objecting to dancing myself, that I shall take this opportunity of soliciting your hand, Cousin Elizabeth, for the two first dances especially—a preference which I trust my cousin Jane will attribute to the right cause, and not to any disrespect for her.”
Mrs Bennet watched with chagrin as Elizabeth’s face fell at this open sign of his preference for her, and the distaste with which she accepted. It was disheartening to see, and all her earlier relief at achieving a brief delay plummeted. How was she to ensure the girl accepted his crucial offer of marriage?
CHAPTER 2
Five days later
Mrs Bennet slumped against the wall just beyond Mr Collins’s door. After returning from the ball at Netherfield far too late, and attending to Mr Bennet’s all-too-frequent requests for companionship far too early, she departed his bedchamber only to hear, once again, the sonorous tones of Mr Collins’s marriage proposal rehearsal coming from his sitting room.
Yes, Mr Collins had returned from London, but no—she had made absolutely no inroads into bettering Lizzy’s opinion of him. It had been all she could do to convince him to wait until after the ball to propose.
Nor had his lovemaking undergone any substantial improvement in his absence. He now seemed to remember to whom he proposed, but that was the best she could say for it. The rest was a long, tedious recitation of his reasonsfor marrying and the bride’s good fortune that he was willing to marryher. There was nothing at all in it ofhisgood fortune in gaining a wife so much prettier and more intelligent than himself.
Mr Jones had declared that he did not see enough improvement in Mr Bennet’s health, and the medication continued—despite Mrs Bennet’s opinion of her husband’s vigour. The odds of Lizzy accepting the vicar’s proposal without her father’s help in forcing the issue were slim.
