Thank God my phone was tucked tightly in the side pocket of my leggings. It could’ve still been on the en-suite bathroom floor with how fast my leggings were pushed down to my ankles, and I did not want to miss Landon’s call from his car. Because that phone sex was hot as fuck, and I needed more than ten minutes to get over it.
I messaged Felix that I’d be another fifteen minutes so he didn’t worry and then sat on my bed, enjoying the chance to just stay in the floaty feeling that Landon has left me with this afternoon.
Sadly, though, the fifteen minutes is over way too quickly, and I know I need to get back over to the boys before Nash and Kade start asking too many questions about where I’ve been.
Stopping to pee then wash my hands, I hear the doorbell ring.
Ding-dong, ding-dong.
Opening the door, I’m thinking about Kade and Nash’s game they like to play with Mom and me when they come over here. Smiling to myself, I wonder if I should be getting myself ready to have two cute little boys playing their prank, jumping out from beside the door to try to scare me, but my pretend fear is suddenly intensely real.
“D…ea…n,” I stammer, feeling that same frozen sensation that I got the last time I saw him. Though thankfully this time, my breathing is still strong and I’m in control, but how long this will last, I have no idea.
“Poppy, please, we need to talk. You gave me no choice but to come here. You blocked every possible form of communication from me. It’s important. It’s about the fire. I swear on my life itwasn’t me, I would never hurt you. You have to believe me.” I’ve never seen Dean beg or expose his weak side like this before.
My brain is stuck on the words,it’s about the fire,and I know I will regret it if I don’t give him the chance to speak and let me find out what really happened that day.
“Come in,” I say as I push the door open and feel my heart thumping hard in my chest as he walks past me into my home.
My safe place, and I’m unsure if I just welcomed the devil through the front door.
Chapter Twenty-One
POPPY
“What do you want?” I ask, walking past Dean and leaving him standing in the hallway. He shuffles his feet, looking around confused and wondering what to do. He eventually follows me into the living room where I remain standing because I need to be able to move quickly if everything starts turning to shit again. If I start to hyperventilate and my vision blurs, I need to be able to get back next door to Felix who will look after me. Because there is no way Dean could help me if he’s causing the problem.
“To fucking talk. For fuck’s sake, Poppy, I tried to get into the hospital to see you, but gorilla boy was like the prison warden and wouldn’t let anyone past the waiting room door. Thankfully I knew a nurse on your ward and asked her to keep me updated so I could be there when you were discharged. I thought I’d be able to talk to you outside the hospital, but we both know how that turned out. I had to access your personnel file while no one was watching to find this address, then wait until I had a week off to be able to drive here. Seriously, why didn’t you just answermy calls? I must’ve left you a gazillion voicemails. Or did that douchebag take your phone so you couldn’t talk to me.” Dean runs his hands through his hair in frustration, and it’s then that I notice the dark circles under his eyes and how tired he looks, which isn’t like him. He always likes to look immaculate.
“That guy is a controlling asshole, and it makes me worry about you. He’s not right for you. Look, it’s fine if you detest me and don’t want to date me, but just don’t let some man control you like that prick does. You’re not that weak of a woman, stand the fuck up to him.” I can feel his rage and hatred toward Landon coming out with every word he says.
“Be very careful what you say about my boyfriend, Dean, or I’m kicking you back out on the street right now.” I stare him down so he knows I mean business. “I love that man you’re carrying on about, more than I have loved anyone in my life.” My hackles are up, and I’m shocked at the strength inside me right now. “So, back the fuck off this minute. You said you came here to talk to me about the fire, so start talking.”
I’m not going to stand here and listen to what I’m starting to think is a jealous rant about Landon, who will be absolutely furious when he finds out Dean is in Boston and that I let him into Mom’s house while I was alone. But that’s something I’ll have to deal with later.
“Great, so he’s brainwashed you. Fan–fucking-tastic.” Dean starts pacing the room.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Dean? I just warned you and you went straight back to talking trash about Landon. I won’t warn you again. Now like I just asked a minute ago, what the fuck happened in that fire.” The anger I feel toward Dean is pumping my body so full of adrenaline that I can feel sweat forming on my back. “You called‘all clear,’but it wasn’t clear. Why would you do that! I know you were pissed off with me for calling you out in front of your pathetic little girlfriend, but comeon, we never turn our back on our crew. Never!” I scream at him in a high-pitched screech that has me sounding irrational. It makes him stop pacing and finally take notice of me.
Coming to a stop and standing in front of me, Dean reaches out to place his hand on my shoulder, but I jump back.
“Don’t touch me, ever, understood?” I snarl at him. I might be coping with him being in the same room but having him touch me is not okay, in any way. That could be the trigger for a panic attack I’m praying I can stave off right now. Thankfully he takes one step back and puts the smallest amount of distance between us.
Both of us are breathing heavily with pent-up emotion.
“I could’ve died, Dean,” I whisper in a moment of vulnerability that I wasn’t expecting, but it just slipped out.
“Don’t you think I know that?” He looks down at his feet, letting out a big heavy sigh. “I fucking live that moment over and over. Every night it’s a never-ending nightmare that won’t leave me. It was my job to watch over you, Poppy, you were my partner in that room search. I shouldn’t have turned my back on you. I let you down and the rest of our crew too. Because that’s our job, it’s what we do, we protect our own. No matter what happened between us that day in the firehouse, that’s trivial shit, we still have each other’s backs.” He’s opening and closing his fists while he thinks about what to say next. “Christ, Poppy, it’s more than that. I realized in that moment how much I fucked up walking away from you and how much I’m still in love with you.”
“What the hell,” I mumble, looking at him. His eyes turn glassy and look like they’re filling with water. How can he be saying that hestillloves me? He was looking for another woman even while we were together. He was supposed to truly love me back then, but his actions didn’t show that was the case. So, what’s changed now? I doubt Dean knows what real love is, because looking back, he never made me feel loved. Not likethe kind of deep love that I’ve found with Landon that takes my breath away every single time he tells me he loves me. A sense of being one soul shared between two bodies. And when they join physically and mentally, that one soul ignites with fireworks. That is the kind of soul-defining love that Landon and I have, and I will never accept anything less again. Not that I need to worry about that because Landon is my forever, it’s that simple. And nothing Dean can say would ever make me think twice.
Dean wipes a stray tear off his face as he looks at me, upset at my outburst, but he continues anyway. “I’m not stupid enough to miss the fact that I blew my chance with you. I can see you’ve moved on, but it doesn’t make me feel any different about you. When I turned around and saw that burning ceiling land on top of you, I felt my world stop. I couldn’t get to you fast enough and get your breathing apparatus back on you. We all scrambled and got you out of there as quick as we could.”
I’m not sure he’s here to shed any light on what happened or just rid himself of his guilt and profess his misguided feelings of love.
“You don’t love me, Dean, and as much as I can’t stand the bitch, don’t disrespect Kyra by telling another woman that you love her while you’re still together. That’s just shit.” The more I call him out, the stronger I feel standing here in a room with him. But that was up until I started talking about Kyra. My stomach starts to churn, and I don’t like it.
“We aren’t together anymore. She took another job at Station 42 in Buffalo. Said she couldn’t work with me if we weren’t together. Asked Cap to get her transferred so there wasn’t a problem in the firehouse. It was probably for the best. I don’t think it would’ve been very comfortable when you come back. We both know what she was like.” And just hearing him talk about me coming back to the firehouse and working alongside him, I know I’ve made up my mind.
