“That’s it, I’m out of here. I’ll see you tonight, because I’ve got nothing better to do than pick up the slack in the bar from my partner. The staff are always complaining about him.” Adrian laughs at his own joke.
“Which staff member?” Landon asks, then leans forward and kisses me on the cheek, before stepping away from me and letting me sit back down.
“Some guy named Adrian,” Adrian replies. Stopping at the door to the living room, he looks back at me. “See you, Poppy, and thanks for being so open.” But before he can step out of the room, Landon grabs his arm.
“Before you go, keep tomorrow free. I think it’s time we had a family get-together.” Both Adrian and I look at him with confusion.
“Family?” I ask, because I didn’t think Landon had any family here.
“Yeah, you, me, the boys, Mrs. B, Adrian, Autumn, and Felix if he can make it. That’s my family,” he says proudly.
“A family day it is then, because I sure as hell could use a fun, non-complicated day with that rowdy bunch too,” I reply with no idea what he has in mind.
“Count me in, as long as it’s not a too-early start,” Adrian replies.
“Great, we’re taking the boys to Franklin Park Zoo,” Landon happily shares with us.
Adrian and I exchange a look, as though sharing the same thought.
“Dibs on Nash,” I say before Adrian has a chance to. “Adrian, you and Autumn get Kade.”
He rolls his eyes at me. “I thought we were friends, Poppy,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest.
“We are, and this is just getting even with you and Autumn for sleeping together. She broke our girl code, this can be her punishment.” I shrug at him with a smirk on my face.
“Oh, I see how it is. Watch your back, my friend, payback’s a bitch. Game on,” Adrian says as he turns, laughing, and heads for the door.
It’s then that I notice Landon watching me with the biggest lighthearted smile I’ve seen on him in a long time.
He then just turns and follows Adrian to see him out.
And funnily enough, I realize that I suddenly feel lighter than I have in a while too. Maybe I should’ve given into my feelings for Landon a lot sooner.
My stubbornness has always protected me, but I’m learning it can also deprive me of beautiful things.
Just something else I need to work on going forward.
Allowing myself to love Landon feels like the best place to start.
The last week has gone past so fast.
The DNA test came back as we expected, confirming that Tessa is my biological mother. But I didn’t want to rush meeting up with her again. I needed time for it to sink in, and I’ve had a session with Meara every second day this week.
I’ve been trying to sort through my feelings, and Meara helped me see that I’m allowed to be happy to get to know Tessa. Her being around doesn’t mean anything in my life needs to change. I get to be in charge of my life and the relationships I have with my family and friends. Tessa has to be prepared to fit into my life however I choose to let her.
Landon has also started back with the therapist he used after Lucinda died. He understood that his reaction the night Tessa showed up was not the real him and that it had brought up things from his past about his own parents. I knew the basics about them, but we’ve both been opening up to each other about times in our lives and the feelings we didn’t know we’d buried.
It turns out we both suffer from feelings of childhood abandonment in some way. And it’s something we can work through together.
My trauma relates to Tessa leaving me and walking away without looking back. But for Landon, he told me that some days he wished his parents had done what Tessa did. He thinks he would’ve had a better life, although there was never any guarantee of that. Landon’s parents lived on welfare checks, used all their money on drugs or alcohol, so there was never much left over to pay for food. He spent many days going coldand hungry, relying on the food that his teachers or school friends shared with him and picking out clothes from thrift shops or donations. He lived in awful places growing up and he’s reluctant to talk about it, but his true trauma comes from never feeling like his parents loved him. They didn’t put his needs, both physical and emotional, before their own addictions, which is a tough thing for a child to cope with. And then he obviously carried these feelings of rejection into his adulthood, because the only way he got through his childhood was to bury his hurt so far down in his soul that he didn’t have to feel it anymore. It’s why he’s such a good father to Kade and Nash. He loves them so hard that they’ll never have to wonder how adored they are.
So, we’re both on our own healing journeys at the moment.
When I started to work out the best way for me to meet up with Tessa again, both my mom and Landon wanted to come with me to the meeting. But I knew neither of them would be the right person to have there. Tessa isn’t going to open up if Mom is with me, because I’m sure she’ll feel awkward. But Landon, as much as it would make me feel safe having him with me, would intimidate Tessa, even if he didn’t mean to. It’s just his protective nature that I bring out in him. He wasn’t happy when I told him my decision, and we argued about it for a while, but in the end, I explained how I needed to do this on my own, and he begrudgingly agreed, only when I told him Meara was going to facilitate the meeting in her office.
Autumn also offered, but it just wouldn’t have been right either. Autumn is loud and openly opinionated; it’s part of what I love about her. But she would struggle to keep her mouth shut, because she always has my back, but it’s not what I need from her in this case. So, having the meeting in Meara’s office, with her there to help keep the conversation calm and moving, is the best solution, while also having her there as support for me if I need it.
I finally feel like I’m moving forward. Along with this meeting set up for today, the physio I’ve been getting on my leg is also helping my confidence, showing me that I can move around more independently now. Today is the first day moving from the crutches to a walking stick, and I’m so excited.
