“Ha. Don’t let her fool you. I’m off now.” John’s known Charlene long enough, and like the rest of us, would never cross her. Charlene’s the most loyal employee we have here, besides John, so I’m happy to put up with her tough exterior. Because underneath that, she has a heart of gold. She and John are both more than just employees. I count them as friends and have for a long time. But it doesn’t stop us from talking shit about eachother. Especially straight to each other’s faces. That’s the fun part.
After leaving the office, as I’m walking down the hallway, I wish there was a way out of here that didn’t involve moving through the main floor of the bar so I don’t have to speak to anyone. But there’s not, and I glance at Adrian who’s staring at me from across the room as I head for the back door. Not because he’s pissed at me. I know it’s a look of concern. I need to talk to Poppy and ask her permission to explain to him what’s going on. He’s right, I do need someone to talk to right now.
The woman I’ve fallen in love with is hurting on so many fronts, and I don’t know how to fix any of it. I don’t cope well with not being in control of my life and that of the people I care about. It’s why I crashed so low after Lucinda, because I felt so hopeless. And right now, I can feel myself heading down a similar path. Poppy needs me to be strong for her, and to do that, I need to compose myself and collect my thoughts. Adrian has always been my sounding board in life. I could really use him right now just to clear my head so I don’t end up being the prick I was in the bar tonight. Because one minute it’s a nameless customer, the next it will be the staff I’m taking it out on. And I never want to be that guy or get to the point where I’m taking it out on my kids or Poppy.
It’s still early, and I haven’t even eaten dinner. The boys were having pizza with Poppy and Mrs. B tonight. Felix had an exam late this afternoon but said he would rush straight to my place when he was finished. But Mrs. B told him to take his time, and she would save him some dinner. Hopefully there might be enough for me too. The timing turned out perfectly because I knew the boys would be a great distraction for Poppy tonight. At least for a few hours. I just didn’t realize that I’d need my boys’ craziness tonight to take my mind off it too.
“Call Felix,” I tell my phone as I pull out of the parking lot behind the bar.
“Hey, Landon. I just finished. Everything okay? I can rush straight there if needed.” Hearing his footsteps, I know he’s probably walking across campus toward his car.
“No, everything’s fine. Sorry, didn’t mean to panic you. Just the bar was quiet, so I’m heading home early. Thought I would surprise the boys, Mrs. B, and Poppy and turn up for their pizza party.” I can’t help but smile at the thought of the boys’ excitement when I walk in unexpectedly.
“Oh, sweet. You sure you don’t still need me to come and sit with them, and maybe you could take Poppy out for dinner? You know, as a friend or whatever bullshit you keep trying to tell yourself.” He starts laughing at his own sarcastic joke.
“Fuck off, asshole. I don’t need you on my case too. Adrian’s been giving me shit for weeks. I get it. We all know what’s going on here. I’m just waiting for Poppy to catch up, okay? So, until she does, I play the game she needs me to play,” I joke with Felix.
I overheard him chatting with Poppy one day in Mrs. B’s backyard while the boys were over there playing. She didn’t tell him everything, but she did share that she was struggling after the accident and that life was complicated for us at the moment. They have developed a good friendship which makes life for my boys even better. The boys have such a great network of people around them now that I don’t have to worry about them feeling loved.
“Oh, touchy, touchy, aren’t we.” We both chuckle at him acting like a teenager with his comments. He’s going to make a great teacher, but I think he should look at high school. He’d know exactly how to handle them. I could see him being that cool teacher that’s easy to talk to as well. A conversation for another day.
“Anyway, take the night off, and don’t worry, I’ll still pay you. Spend the night doing something you haven’t done for a while. Go out, get drunk, or even get laid. Or maybe all of the above.” The guy has no life, except for studying and looking after Kade and Nash.
“Have you even met me? I’m getting a cheeseburger meal with a frozen slushie on the way home, taking a long shower, and sleeping like the dead. Three things I haven’t done in a while.” Hearing his car door opening, I know I should let him go.
“Sounds super boring, but actually perfect. I can totally relate. Just quickly, how’d the exam go?” I ask.
“Aced it. Got another one next week. Now, that one I’m not so confident about. It’s for psychology and that psych shit is hard to get my head around.”
“I’m sure you’ll ace that one too. From what I’ve seen you’re pretty good at reading people. Sometimes too good, but I’ll let that one slide. All jokes aside, though, Felix, don’t doubt yourself. You’ve got this, my friend. And when you graduate, the boys and I will be there cheering the loudest.” I didn’t have positive older adults around me at his age, there to give me words of encouragement. Maybe I can make some small difference in Felix’s life by letting him know that we’re all on his team.
“Thanks, Landon. That means a lot. But we all know that no matter where Kade is, it’s a given he will be cheering the loudest. That kid doesn’t have a volume control or off button.” The affection in his voice reminds me how glad I am he came into our lives.
“And I wouldn’t have him any other way. Have a good night, and I’ll see you at the usual time tomorrow.”
“Night, Landon, give the boys a noogie for me and tell them I said hi. Wouldn’t want them to miss out on our nightly ritual. Because we all know I’m such a highlight of their life.” Felixlaughs after talking himself up. The noogie’s his signature move with the boys. He grabs them in a loose headlock, rubbing his knuckles on the top of their head, and they end up in hysterics, all three of them. But watching Nash and Kade do it back to him is even funnier.
“Not a chance, that’s your thing. I’m a grown, sophisticated man, unlike you. Catch you later.” Hanging up the call, still hearing him laughing at me in the background, I already feel a little lighter from just talking to Felix. Thinking about my kids always gives me a reason to smile. Knowing I’m about to spend the next few hours with them, Poppy, and Mrs. B, feeling like the family I’m longing for, has my heart lifting. The dark mood I felt hanging over me at the bar earlier is disappearing the closer I get to home.
POPPY
“Kade, do you have an elephant?” I ask, even though I know he doesn’t because he keeps flashing his cards to everyone. He’s having trouble sitting still due to the excitement that has him bouncing in his seat the whole time.
“Go fish!” he screams so loud I’m sure the neighbors across the road can hear him.
“Shucks, I’ll have to pick up,” I say. Mom winks at me from across the table where she’s sitting next to Kade, helping him, while I have Nash next to me. He’s old enough that he takes the game very seriously, holding his cards so close to his body and half the time is almost ducking under the table to check them so no one can see what he has.
“Yes!” Kade yells again, fist-pumping the air, proud of himself for making me pick one up. Now that he’s turned five, you can tell he is more than ready for school. Good luck to that kindergarten teacher, I say. I can’t help but giggle at him, and Ilove watching Mom be so patient with him. She’s going to be the best grandmother when the time comes.
I keep trying to push thoughts of my biological mother out of my head. Until I know for sure, I don’t want to entertain the idea that she wants to be part of my life. So, spending time like this with the boys and watching the only mother I’ve ever known is just what I need. I was so blessed the universe chose to bring Mom and me together as our own little family. This woman in front of me has so much love to share, and now the boys get to benefit from that love too.
“My turn, Poppy?” Nash asks from beside me.
“Sure is, buddy.” Checking his cards again takes a few minutes. He has collected plenty and isn’t far off from winning. There are only two cards left in the pile to pick up, so it will be between him and Kade. Mom and I try to make sure they both win a game each before we let ourselves win anything. It helps avoid the tantrums.
“Granny B, do you have a tiger?” Mom pretends to look through her five cards for a few seconds.
“Go fish.” She smiles. “Sorry, Nash.”
