Silence falls between us, and he gives me time to wrap my head around this. Landon’s hand rubs softly up and down my back.
Hearing the words, that my biological mother is looking for me, would be a massive shock at any time of my life. It’s just that right now, when I already feel upside down, it’s overwhelming. I’m not sure I’m strong enough emotionally to cope with it. But you don’t get to choose what life throws at you. So even though I know I don’t have much strength, I’m going to dig deep and find it.
I’m thankful that Landon and Sully don’t rush me. I don’t know how long we’ve been sitting here when I finally start mentally to come back into the room. The shock starts to clear the tiniest amount, and the questions begin to filter into my head.
“What’s her name?” I ask in a weak voice, not certain if I want to know or not.
“Tessa Newman,” Sully replies.
“Tessa Newman,” I repeat, feeling my mother’s name on my lips for the first time.
“Are we sure she’s really Poppy’s mom?” Landon asks calmly.
“Until they both take a DNA test, we won’t know,” Sully says.
“What does your gut say?” I ask, making him smile that I’ve never forgotten what he taught me.
“Yeah, little one, my gut tells me she is. And we both know trusting your gut is what gets us safely through life.” Sully shrugs his shoulders at me.
“Okay,” I say, nodding at him. “What did she want?” Although I’m sure I already know the answer to my question.
“She wants to meet you.” And now my heart starts to beat a little faster. Is that what I want? I don’t know. For years I would’ve jumped at the opportunity, but I can’t seem to decide right now.
“You don’t have to agree to that, though, Poppy. I told Tessa that I would speak to you, but I wasn’t prepared to give her any details about you. No name or address or anything like that until you have time to digest this. There’s no rush, because let’s be honest, she has waited all these years to look for you. So, you take all the time you need to decide what’s best for you.” Sully stands and walks to the fridge in the kitchen and gets a couple bottles of water. Placing them on the table and then stepping behind us, he puts his hand on Landon’s shoulder. “I’ll give you two some time to talk. I’ll be out in the garage cleaning some of the equipment that these young firefighters have done a shit job on. But what would I know, I’m just an old Cap.” He chuckles a little as he walks away.
As soon as he’s out of earshot, Landon lifts my chin so I’m looking up at him.
“Are you okay? Wait, that’s a dumb question, of course you’re not.” He takes a breath and tries again. “What do you need from me to help you work through this?”
I don’t even have to think to answer him.
“Continue holding me and don’t let me go. I won’t get through this without you.” Landon is my port in the storm. Even when I was half out of it from the accident, my soul knew I needed to call him. Today’s not any different.
“Then you have me. But you already knew that, didn’t you.” He kisses my forehead in the way that I love so much. It’s so reassuring. It’s the kiss that tells me he’s got me, no matter what I’m facing.
“Yeah, I did.” I tip my lips up and kiss him on the cheek. “Though hearing you remind me helps.”
“Do you want me to take you home so we can talk it through? Decide if you want to tell your mom and what step you want to take next.” One of things I love about Landon is that he never takes over my life. Doesn’t push me to do things his way. Hecalmly guides me, voices his thoughts, and then holds my hand as I make my choices. Well, except for at the hospital, but there was no way I was in any shape to think clearly then. I needed him to protect me and take control then. And I’m grateful he was there to do it.
Part of me wants to throw my hands in the air and let him take over the decisions again. And he would if I asked. But this part of my life journey is something only I can do.
So, I take the first step.
“I want a DNA test done. I don’t want to meet her until I’m sure she’s actually my biological mother. I don’t think I could go through the heartbreak of false hope.” I snuggle my face into the crook of Landon’s neck. “But first, can you take me home? I need time to think.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.” He doesn’t question me, just stands and places me on my feet again. Setting me up with my crutches, we set off to tell Sully what I’ve decided.
Sitting in the passenger seat of Landon’s car, I stare blankly out the window, watching the city pass by in a blur.
I can’t believe what’s happened in my life over the last few months.
“What if she is my biological mother?” I’m talking to myself out loud, but I’m glad Landon answers.
“Then we’ll meet her together, as a family. You, me, and your mother. We’ll take it one day at a time from there. Okay?” He takes my hand from my lap and places it in his, resting it on his thigh while he’s driving.
“Okay,” I reply.
I know that I’m far from okay.
