“Are you offering up your services as my fuck buddy? Wow, Autumn will be so proud of me for finally jumping your bones again.” His laughter is so contagious, I start too. We must look ridiculous lying naked on his desk, my dangling leg hanging off the desk with its bright red cast on it.
Both of us are covered in a sheen of sweat, and Landon is still buried inside me. Because the moment he moves, we know it’s over, and neither of us are ready to let go.
Landon slowly stops laughing, his body now still, and he gazes into my eyes with such tenderness. “I’ll be whatever you want me to be, Poppy.” His lips drop to mine, sealing his words with a promise that only a kiss can give. Raw emotion moves between us as we try to communicate our final thoughts through touch. We have said all we need to say to each other. Laid our feelings bare on this table. Pulling apart, we look into each other’s soul for a moment, before Landon stands. His eyes are transfixed for a moment on my opening, watching his come run out from inside me. Then with a shake of his head, he finds tissues, cleans me up, and starts helping me dress.
We stand fully dressed in each other’s arms just savoring the moment a little longer. It’s time to walk away and move forward.
I just wish I knew how to do that.
As I hobble to the door of his office on my crutches, Landon stops with his hand on the doorknob, not opening it but not moving either.
“Landon?” I ask gently.
He spins to face me, but before I can say anything, he starts talking.
“Let’s be friends. Get to know each other, be in each other’s lives. Spend time with me and the boys, Poppy. Absolutely no pressure. And when you’re ready, let me date you. We jumpedstraight to sex the first time. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. But let me do it right this time. I want you to see the other side of me. The guy who’s a good listener; I’ve had years of practice being a barman. It’s been said I can be funny at times, if you enjoy grade-school humor. I mean, I’m not sure who said it, but I’m sure someone did. I’ve also learned recently I’m pretty good in emergencies and nursing people back to health. I can be annoyingly bossy at times, but you already know that. But most importantly, I care deeply for my friends and I’malwaysthere when they need me—as a friend, of course.” He pauses just for a second, the corner of his mouth rising into a cheeky smile. “Oh, and if you’re lucky, I’ll share with you some of my ridiculous habits, and I want to learn all your quirky habits too. I mean, we do live next door to each other, so being friends seems like the neighborly thing to do. Do you agree?”
Landon looks adorable standing in front of me, pleading for me to be his friend. This tough, protective alpha man grasping at whatever part of my life I’ll give him.
And in this moment, I know I’ll do whatever is needed to get through this dark place I’m in. Because I want all of that too.
“What makes you think I have any weird-ass habits? I thought I was Perfect Poppy.” Smiling at him, I reach out to take his hand.
“Ughhh, see, that right there will be one of your annoying habits. Believing anything my kids tell you.” He shakes his head, but at least he’s smiling too.
I squeeze his hand. “I’d like that, Landon. I could use a stable friend I can rely on. I love Autumn to death, but she’s a different type of friend. The type that told me I should get you to take me against the wall and fuck me hard to make me feel better.”
“Oh yeah, we can keep that in the list of what a friendship involves. I think Autumn is definitely on to something there.” Lifting my hand to his lips, he gently kisses the top of it. “Butall jokes aside, let’s just take it one day at a time. You work on yourself, find your inner peace again. And in the meantime, we’ll just have fun together. Does that sound like a plan?” Landon’s thumb is gently rubbing over the top of my hand.
“That sounds perfect. Now, I think you’d better take me home for some rest. I’m spent, and it’s your fault.” As I take my hand back, Landon opens the door for me and just gives me a cocky grin,
“All I can say is, sorry, not sorry. Plus, you need a shower, you smell like sex.” He taps me gently on the ass as I hobble past him. “Oh, wait, that’s me.” His deep chuckle behind me makes me feel lighter than I have in weeks. I love this playfulness between us. It always leaves me with a calm thought of hope in my heart.
“I can’t believe I’m finally getting this cast off,” I say to Landon who’s sitting on the chair across from me in the doctor’s office at the fracture clinic typing out a message. I don’t say any more. He looks like it’s something to do with work because he hasn’t acknowledged what I’ve said yet. Which is fine and just gives me time for my mind to wander.
I feel bad at how much valuable work time of his I’ve taken up. Over the last few weeks, he’s become my personal driver, convincing my mom that it’s better that he takes me to appointments and she looks after the boys for him if Felix isn’t around. Using the old “I’m a strong man who can help Poppy if she falls or needs to be lifted”line. Mom fell straight for his sweetness because she already thinks the sun shines out of his ass. Not that I’m complaining. It’s nice to see his smiling face in the waiting room of the therapist’s office. Especially if it’s beena tough session. He never asks what we’ve discussed and always insists on taking me for a coffee and cake afterward. Adrian has been amazing and has taken over some of Landon’s workload in running the bar, giving Landon some extra time to be with me and his boys too.
Autumn tells me he’s dating me without me knowing he’s dating me. She thinks I’m stupid. Of course he’s dating me, and I love the gentle way he’s doing it. No pressure or label needed on our time spent together. Including, the night he stayed over at my house while Mom went to visit Aunt Gloria for her birthday. Mom was worried about leaving me at home on my own, even though I’m a very capable adult. But I knew she wouldn’t go if she thought I’d be left alone, so I agreed that I’d get someone to stay with me. Meaning Autumn, but before I could even ask her, Mom had taken matters into her own hands. She ran straight next door and asked Landon, who of course was happy to help. Felix stayed with the boys, and Landon snuck next door without them knowing. Otherwise, they would’ve wanted to come for a sleepover too.
He put his things in the guest room, but by the time we had finished dinner, I was done for and was ignoring every rule I gave myself in relation to Landon. But I couldn’t help it. Because watching that man standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes, talking about some of his favorite memories of the kids when they were smaller, made my ovaries hurt. I had already been horny as hell for days, and his domestic routine wasn’t helping. The final straw was when he walked out from the guest room wearing gray sweatpants and a tight black tank top. I called in the “fuck buddy” card, and we humped like rabbits all night long. It was just what we both needed. It felt like the night at Christmas. Sex for fun, making each other feel great, and then sleeping in his arms. Although, I’m not sure my therapist Meara thought it was such a good idea. Because our sessions alwaysend up revolving back to Landon in some way. We might not have peeled back all the layers of trauma from the fire, but we’re getting somewhere with my men dramas.
The nightmares are getting less frequent, and I’m managing them myself now. It’s not perfect, but I turn on the app Meara gave me with soothing music, while I slowly flick through all the photos on my phone of Landon and the boys. It never fails to make me smile, even if it’s only a small one. I had to try to take control of my issue because I can’t always be calling Landon at night. In those early nights when I was calling him for help, he would sometimes still be at work. He’s had to leave serving at the bar, go to his office, and then calmly talk me through it. Or he had just gotten to sleep after a long night at work and then my call would wake him. I know better than anyone what it’s like to get broken sleep; it can affect your health. He never complained, but I knew it wasn’t fair to keep doing this to him. He has a life to live, that doesn’t include me depending on him.
I’m making progress in lots of little ways with Meara, working through my relationship with Dean and feelings about men in general. We talk about fires I’ve worked on over the years, hoping that it might help bring my memory of the accident forward in my mind. I even asked her a few weeks ago if I could try hypnotherapy, but she said it’s too soon. My mind isn’t ready for that yet, but in the future it’s an option.
I really like Meara and we get along well. I don’t think I would’ve gotten anywhere with a softly spoken therapist who just asked me to tell her how I was feeling all the time. Meara’s not like that. She’s direct with me but not pushy. Asks me questions to lead me where she thinks I need to go, and doesn’t let me pull back too quickly when the conversation gets hard. It works for me, and there are days I walk out of her office feeling great, but then other days, I still feel like I’ve got a long way togo. Because until I can clear this mental block on the fire and my crew, I’m a danger to have back on the job.
“Sorry, just needed to give Adrian the beer order, I forgot to do it last night,” Landon replies as he looks up from his phone. “You were saying? Oh yeah, getting your cast off finally. I bet you’ll be so glad to be free of that art masterpiece on your leg. However, the boys were upset when I told them where I was taking you today. They wanted to know if you would be keeping the pictures they drew for you.” He chuckles.
I screw my nose up at the thought of keeping this smelly piece of plaster for nostalgia. “Ugh, not a chance. But before the doctor comes in, let’s take some photos, and we can put them on the fridge for them. And in a few weeks’ time, they’ll have forgotten about it. There’ll be something far more exciting they’ve drawn, and my red leg will be just a memory. Thank goodness.”
“I’m not sure you could call it red anymore. There’s so much black marker covering it that the red has almost disappeared.” We both laugh, looking at a cast that really can only be described as a bunch of scribbles. Yet I love every single mark on it. Nash and Kade have been just what I needed to pass the time some days. They make me laugh, keep me entertained with games, watching them at the park, watching movies together, and best of all, they always take my side against Landon when we’re all playing together. They’d already buried themselves into my heart when I first met them. Now I feel like they own my heart, instead.
Like my mom used to tell me when I was little.
Family is someone you would walk through fire for, without any protection. They don’t need to be blood, just the ones that own your heart.
She always told me if my dad had gotten to meet me, he would’ve loved me and walked through fire for me. I didn’t understand when I was young, but as I got older and became a firefighter, it all made perfect sense.
