I push into the room and rush to her bed.
“It’s okay, he’s fine. Sorry to startle you. The boys are on the phone.” I push the button now so they can see me giving them the biggest “you’re in big trouble” look without saying a word. “And Nash was worried so wanted to see you, and then Kade got excited, and you know how that goes.” Taking my usual seat on her bed beside her, she leans toward me, but I don’t cuddle her like I have been. I don’t want to confuse the kids.
“Let me see them.” Her voice is a bit croaky from being asleep, but as soon as I move the phone so she can see them, all hell breaks loose.
“Poppyyyyyyyyyyy!” they both scream at the same time.
“Aww, my beautiful cheeky boys. Just seeing you makes me feel so much better.” She reaches for my hand and laces her fingers in mine as the boys both start talking so fast and at the same time.
Poppy is so focused on my phone she doesn’t even notice the nurse come in, glare at me, reset the alarm, and then leave again.
But I don’t care. Because as much as I wanted to scold Kade, this is the happiest I’ve seen Poppy since I got here.
It ignites a spark in my chest of what our life could be like as a family. The four of us curled up together on the couch, talking just like this. Loud, chaotic, and full of the craziest stories. I got a glimpse of it at Christmas, and now I know I want more.
There’s a reason I couldn’t move on after Poppy left. I tried, but something was holding me back, and now I know what it was.
It was the slightest chance I could have this again.
Me, Poppy, and the boys.
I want her with us and not just for a short time. I don’t know how, I don’t know where, I just know I need to make it happen.
I can’t walk away from this hold she has on me.
And just when thought I finally had my life sorted out.
Today just cemented how wrong I was.
Chapter Twelve
POPPY
This morning, hearing the doctor say,“I’m discharging you today,”felt like being handed the golden ticket.
It’s been four days since my accident, and Landon hasn’t left my side except to get food—well, decent food and not the trash the hospital is serving me—or to shower, which he has been doing at a gym down the road. He pays for a class that he never attends, then just walks straight into the showers, freshens up, and leaves again.
I tried to tell him to go to my place, but he refused because it was too far away and he would be gone too long. It’s not like I’m going to take off while he’s gone, but he was insistent that he didn’t want to be away from me for more than twenty minutes at the most.
The nurses set up a folding cot in my room for him to sleep on, but he has done nothing but complain about it. He figures the floor would be more comfortable than the hard lumpy thing they call a bed.
I’m trying not to laugh too much at him, because the more tired he gets, the grumpier he becomes. Luckily the video chats with the boys get him laughing again, and there have been plenty of those calls. My mom has been helping with the boys, which we’re grateful for, because that way, it frees up Adrian to run the bar. Felix offered to move in with them to help during the day, but Landon told him my mom needs to do this. We’re hoping it will help her keep busy so she worries less. If she can’t be here fussing over me, then she can be the mother hen with Nash and Kade instead.
Landon misses them terribly, and I feel guilty that I’ve taken him away from his sons for such a long time. When I suggested maybe he should head home and I’d give in to letting my mother come to Rochester, he straight-up refused. That was the end of that conversation.
“Are you sure you want to use the crutches? I think the wheelchair is a better idea,” Landon grumbles while he hovers beside me, his arms outstretched, ready to catch me if I fall.
“Damn, have some faith. I’m not useless. I need to get used to using them, because I’ll be stuck with them for a while. Get the bags and let’s go. I don’t want to wait a minute longer. I’ve been set free, so move before they change their mind.” I start toward the door, albeit slowly, because I don’t want to fall. Not that I’d tell Landon that.
“You don’t have to tell me twice.” He picks up the two gym bags. Mine, that Rosco brought over from my locker at work, and Landon’s, which he bought to hold his dirty clothes in, on one of his quick trips to the store.
It took a lot of planning and advice from the doctors, but everyone has agreed that it’s better if I head home to Boston to do my rehabilitation. Mom will take care of me, and Landon insisted that I would be safer there than on my own. At one point we had a heated discussion about him trying to overrule meall the time and making decisions for me. Neither of us backed down, so we just stopped talking. He then sat and sulked in the chair in the corner of the room scrolling on his phone, while I pretended to be asleep just to give myself some space.
But if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t want him to leave me on my own. And we both know there’s no way he can stay here any longer. He needs to get home to the boys and his business.
It’s like there’s this dark cloud still hanging over us, that we can both see but can’t exactly pinpoint what it means. We haven’t talked about it, but I’ve woken up several times over the last two nights from nightmares. They start where I’m in a fire. There is something or someone in the smoke, and I can’t see what’s happening, and then one finished with me feeling like I was burning alive. And when I wake, I just can’t shake them. He just hops up from his bed, walks over, finds his spot on my bed, and pulls me into his chest. Rubbing my back so tenderly, occasionally kissing the top of my head and running his hand over my hair which he knows relaxes me.
One of the conditions for the fire department to continue paying my medical expenses in Boston was that I signed a declaration stating that I would start counseling as soon as I got home to Mom’s house. The funny thing is that Landon had already insisted the same thing in one of our heated discussions. He told me he would be making me an appointment with the therapist he used after his wife died. I’m not sure that’s the right person for me, but we’ll see.
