Cutter managed to make it to the school and parked easily. I didn’t understand why Miri wasn’t letting him drive more. We got out and walked toward the court.
“We should talk about yesterday,” I said when we reached the court.
“I said I’m sorry.”
“It’s not about being sorry. It’s about what you heard.”
Cutter took a shot, and I sent the ball back to him after it had gone through the net.
“I was thinking about that, and Flinn said something about me living with him until we graduate. I don’t want to leave Nova, but I also don’t want to go to boarding school.”
He shot and made another basket.
“I like Brendan, or I did, but now I’m not so sure. I just wish ...” Cutter bent over and caught his breath. I went to him and put my hand on his back and waited for him to cope with his emotions. He stood and wiped at his eyes. “My mom’s not going to be here anymore, and then you want to send me away.” His words came out in hiccups.
“Come here.” I wrapped my arms around him. He rested his head on my shoulder and sobbed. This was the second time this morning he’d let his emotions flow. I was grateful for it. I didn’t want him holding things in and letting them fester.
“Listen,” I said as I leaned back so I could look at him. I cupped his cheeks with my hands. “You’re not going to boarding school. Not now. Not ever. The three of us will be together for a long time to come.” I refrained from saying “forever.” Miri had promised them forever, and she wasn’t going to be able to keep her promise.
“Brendan was wrong. He spoke as if he knew what was best for you and your sister. Just because he went to one doesn’t mean they’re for everyone, and they’re definitely not for me.”
“I thought he liked us.”
“He does, Cutter. You and Nova. Me and him, we’re not on the same page when it comes to our futures, and I’m okay with that. I’m right where I want to be.”
“Are we going to live here?”
I sighed. “This, I don’t know yet. I promise you’ll stay here until the summer, and then we’ll figure things out. I have to figure out my job.”
“Brendan will never move here,” Cutter said. “He doesn’t like it much.”
“Well, that’s okay. Brendan and I are no longer together, so what he says or thinks doesn’t matter to us.”
“Wait, what? You and Brendan broke up?”
I nodded.
“Why?”
“Because he gave me an ultimatum, and that is something you never, ever do to someone you’re supposed to love.”
“Is it because of me and Nova?”
I shook my head. “Absolutely not.”
It was because Brendan thought he was more important than Miriam and the kids, when he knew he wasn’t. What did that say about me? Why had I stayed with him for so long?
I closed my eyes and let myself really think about our relationship for the first time. When had Brendan ever put anyone before himself? Yes, he’d canceled his tee time in Miami, but only after I’d made a smart-ass comment. When I had food poisoning last year and spent three days barely able to get out of bed, he’d checked on me once before going to play golf. The only holidays we’d ever spent together were the ones where his friends had something going on—the Fourth of July, Memorial Day, and Labor Day. Never Christmas and sometimes New Year’s.
I’d made excuses for him. He didn’t understand close relationships because he wasn’t close to his family, at least not in the way I was with mine and Miri. His family was all business—prim and proper—ready to put on a front for anyone staring in from the outside. Whereas mine was about love and compassion, about being there when the people we loved needed us.
The truth slapped me in the face, hard. Brendan put Brendan first. It was so clear now, especially after last night and his insistence that the kids go to boarding school.
“So, no boarding school?”
I shook my head. “But you might have to move, okay? Right now, Grandma and Grandpa are going to help out when I have to be in Boston for meetings or when I have to travel.”
“Maybe Rocco can come up?”
