Now, I could visualize some chickens running around out there, picking up bugs and worms from the ground. Having them might be a learning experience for Nova. She could join 4-H and maybe find some solace in having something to do. I had already decided I would sign her up for dance or gymnastics—anything to give her something to look forward to.
“And a dog might comfort them,” I said into the empty kitchen.
I heard the creak of the stairs and turned to see who would be coming into the kitchen. Cutter appeared, looking worse for wear. His eyes were red, and he had so much luggage under them, he could’ve taken a trip around the world. My heart broke for him.
“Morning,” I said in a hushed tone, not wanting to wake Nova and Miri.
Cutter shuffled over to me and pulled me into his arms. He held me tightly. “I’m sorry.”
My arms wrapped around him, and we stayed like that for a long moment. I didn’t want to let him go as a flood of memories surfaced from when he was a little boy, from his kindergarten graduation, when we went to Myrtle Beach and he found a shark tooth, to when I took him to work with me a couple of years back. I didn’t know how Brendan couldn’t see how much this boy meant to me. I’d never hidden my feelings for Miri and her children. His attitude made zero sense to me, and I felt like his outburst about not wanting children had been his way of saying he didn’t want me.
Oddly, I was okay with it.
Cutter stepped back and pressed his fingers into his eyes. He sniffed hard and then let out a low groan. “I hate crying.”
“It’s supposed to be cathartic, but yeah, I’m with you there. I think there’s a permanent tearstain on my pillow.”
“Can you promise me something?”
“Promises are something I’m very good at,” I told him as I leaned against the counter. “What’s up?”
“If the doctor tells her she’s out of time, you’ll let us know, right? So we can be with her as much as possible?”
My heart twisted, and I felt like I’d been punched in the gut by a heavyweight boxer. I nodded, unable to find my voice.
“Thanks.” He turned and started walking out of the kitchen.
“Are you going back to bed?”
“Nah, I thought I’d walk over to the school and shoot some hoops. I’d do it outside, but I don’t want to wake my mom.”
“Do you mind if I go with you?”
“I don’t mind.”
“Great. Go get dressed. We’ll leave in five. I’ll drive us over, and then we’ll stop and get everyone breakfast on the way back.”
Cutter nodded and stepped out of the kitchen, only to return right away. “I’m glad it’s you.”
“What do you mean?”
“That Nova and I will live with. I’m glad it’s you because we’ll be together, and you know us. I was worried we’d have to go into foster care.”
I gave him a soft smile. “I’d never let that happen, and neither would Grandma or Grandpa. If it’s not going to be me, it’ll be them. You’ll be with family.”
Cutter smiled and left again. I waited until he was upstairs before I turned on the water to drown out the onslaught of emotions coming from me.
Dealing with my own grief would be hard enough, but dealing with Cutter’s and Nova’s was going to be unbearable. The three of us were going to need an outlet—one as a family and then an activity of our own.
When I heard Cutter coming down the stairs, I grabbed my purse and met him at the door. I put on my parka and saw that he was wearing a sweatshirt. I figured he’d work up a sweat and wouldn’t need a coat since we were driving over.
“Crap, I forgot to start my car,” I said as we got outside. Thankfully, the sun was shining, and the temperature felt halfway decent.
“Can I drive?”
My automatic response to his asking before had been no, but he needed to learn, and I was going to be the one to teach him.
“Have you driven your mom’s car at all?”
