With what little voice I had, I said, “I don’t know.”
My mom reached for my hand and squeezed it. I didn’t have the courage to bring this up to Miri, to ask her what would happen to her kids when she was gone. To her house? Her possessions? I would rather die than let her babies go into foster care, but what say would I even have? We weren’t related, and the last time I’d checked, the best friend didn’t have any rights.
“Does Miriam have a will?” my mom asked as we rocked there.
I glanced at my mom, needing her now more than ever, and so thankful she’d dropped everything to come to Miri’s. “I don’t know. I know it’s something we need to talk about and get taken care of. The conversation probably should’ve happened today, but I’m afraid to put it out there, where the universe can run with it.”
“It has to be done,” Mom said. “I can do it if you’d like.”
“No, it needs to be me, I think.” Even though it was the last thing I wanted. Doing so made it feel like Miri’s death was inevitable, that it would be here sooner than anticipated. I didn’t want that. I wasn’t ready and never would be. One, five, or ten years wouldn’t be long enough. I needed her in my life forever.
My arms tightened around Nova as she snuggled deeper into me. My mom got up, disappeared into the house, and then came back with a blanket. She draped it over us and tucked Nova in.
“I thought you were a big girl who didn’t nap?”
“Sometimes, I’m tired,” she said into the crook of my neck. It amazed me that she could fall asleep anywhere. As much as I wanted to keep her for myself, Miri shouldn’t miss out on these moments.
“Come on, let’s go find your mom. I bet she needs some snuggles.” I carried Nova into the house and found Miri where I’d left her. She brightened at the sight of her daughter. “I think this lug belongs to you.”
Nova laughed as I set her down.
“She’s ready for a nap.”
“Me too,” Miri said as Nova rested her head on Miri’s leg.
Instead of watching them, and burning the image into my mind, I stepped back and took a picture of them. Nova would need it for later.
Back outside, I sat next to my mom again and held her hand while we watched Weston and Cutter work. When they needed us to move, we did, and set the rockers up in the yard.
“I’ll stay as long as you and Miri need me.”
“Thanks. I will have to run back to Boston sometime this week and get some things. Maybe I’ll take Miri with me, just so she can get away for the day.”
“Your dad will be up next weekend. I told him about Wes rebuilding the porch, and now he’s concerned with whatever else might be wrong.”
“Everything,” I muttered. “This house is a money pit.”
“We’ll get it fixed up.”
“Yep, just in time for her to die and not enjoy the house she loved so much. Just in time for us to sell. What a fucked-up situation.”
“Indeed, it is.”
In between cutting and hammering, Cutter came over to me. “Eleni said she can come for dinner.”
“That’s great. Do I need to go pick her up?”
Cutter shook his head. “Her mom will bring her, and then maybe we can take her home.”
“That works.”
He ran his hand through his hair. “I didn’t tell her about my mom yet.”
“No one says you have to tell anyone anything,” I told him. “It’s your news to share when you feel comfortable.”
He nodded. “I also invited Coach for dinner since he’s doing all this work.”
I glanced at his coach. His arms flexed each time he lifted a board. He met my gaze and smiled, which normally I would have appreciated. Except what Miri had said earlier echoed through my mind, and I couldn’t get past it. Was he here because he liked me or because of Miri? Was it a little of both?
