“Will you come with me?”
We told Cutter we’d be right back. Nova and I walked hand in hand back to Miri’s marker. I stepped off to the side but still within distance, so she’d know I was there just in case she needed me. I didn’t want to eavesdrop on something that should be private.
When Nova was finished, she hugged me and ran back to Cutter, who waited for her outside the car. He picked her up, spun her in a circle, much to her delight, and then helped her into the back seat.
I stared at the marker as tears welled, hating every second of this. A day would come when I could think of her and the tears would stay away, but I couldn’t imagine that day clearly. If ever.
“You were right,” I started. “I like him. ‘Him’ being Weston, in case you didn’t know, but something tells me you did know and suspected he’d be the person I needed right now. He’s so patient and calm, and the kids love him. But again, you knew this. Scout has been an amazing companion to Nova. I never realized the importance of a dog until now. I’m seriously considering getting them one, but something small so when we travel for sports it can go with us.”
I looked behind me to check on the kids and then back at the marker. “The kids are going to be okay, Miri. They’re so strong and willing to let me know when they need a little extra love. I never sawmyself as a sports mom, but let me tell you, some of those other parents ...” I shook my head.
“Anyway, Cutter and Nova did an amazing job on your marker. I hope you can see it from wherever you may be.”
I crouched down, kissed my fingers, and then placed them on her name. “I love you, Miri.” I wiped at my fallen tears, put a smile on my face, and walked back to my kids, who greeted me the same way. And wouldn’t you know it, the first thing out of Cutter’s mouth was him asking to drive.
I should’ve known.
The days began flying by. The nicer it was, the faster the day went. If we weren’t at baseball, Cutter had basketball practice, which meant we were going in every which direction. Thankfully, I had Weston by my side. Being Cutter’s coach helped in that aspect. Although it wasn’t until the basketball travel team started that I found out Weston wasn’t the coach during the summer; Jerome was. Not that it mattered. Weston would be there, regardless.
On top of me being knee deep in sports and work, the court appointed a guardian ad litem, or GAL, for the kids. I didn’t really like her, but she wasn’t there for me. It was her job to make sure the kids’ needs were being met. Still, I felt like I was under a microscope and really hated being scrutinized. I knew I was a good person who had a job that more than supported Cutter and Nova, but when I told the ad litem I couldn’t meet on Mondays or Fridays, I sensed a bit of discord from her. Any other days, except for games, I was home, and she was welcome.
After Miri passed, the attorney filed the paperwork for me to be appointed legal guardian of the kids, which was what we had agreed upon.
Until one rainy day when we were all sitting there, watching a movie. Cutter was in the oversize reading chair, while Nova snuggled next to me. Weston and Scout were also there, but Scout made sure he was next to Nova, pushing his owner to the corner of the couch.
A character on the screen mentioned adoption. I hadn’t thought anything of it until Cutter asked if I was going to adopt them. I figured being their guardian was enough.
With their permission, I changed my petition with the court from legal custody to adoption. They would be mine, and no one would be able to take them away. All their forms would have me listed as their parent and not guardian, and somehow knowing this made our bond stronger.
The kids would keep Miri’s last name, though, and I was more than okay with that.
As suspected, Miri’s parents petitioned the court for visitation. It was something I was against, but ultimately, I left the decision to Cutter. If he wanted a relationship with his other grandparents, I wouldn’t stand in the way. But I would also lay some ground rules for Miri’s parents. I refused to let Cutter and Nova grow up knowing a mistake could cost them their family, and there was no way in hell I would let them refer to Cutter or even Nova as a mistake.
Weston and I sat on the porch, each of us in a rocking chair, while Nova ran around the front yard trying to catch butterflies with the net Weston had bought her.
I leaned back and closed my eyes, thankful for a quiet moment, when I felt his hand on mine. Peering out of one eye, he leaned toward me.
“I’ve been thinking.”
My heart sank. “Oh?”
He smiled. It was crooked, cocky, and adorable, and not at all reassuring. Sometimes I wondered if we were at two different stages in life. He’d retired from his profession and taken up teaching and coaching because he wanted to give back. I was a mom of two, withtwo mortgages and a job that took me out of town at least once, if not twice, a month. On paper, I was a train wreck.
“Nothing bad,” he said as if he could see the worry in my eyes.
“Nothing bad where you’re concerned? Or me? Should I be concerned?”
“Both of us, at least that’s what I’m hoping.”
“Go on.”
“I’m thinking, once the adoption is final, what about you and the kids moving in with me ...”
My mouth dropped open, and he held his hand up. “Temporarily. This would give us an empty house to do the necessary remodeling. As it is now, if you want to do something, you’ll have to live around construction. With everyone out of the house, we can get it all done at once.”
While I liked the idea, it wasn’t going to be cost-effective. I shook my head lightly. “I’d have to take out a loan, and with two mortgages, I’m not sure the bank would approve. The life insurance the kids received from Miri went into a trust for them, and with the adoption, they won’t receive social security benefits. No bank would look at my expenses and hand me a loan right now.”
“I would.”
