“You okay?” he murmured, his voice husky.
I nodded, tilting my head up to meet his gaze. “More than okay.”
His lips curved into a slow, satisfied smile. “Good. Not to ruin the moment, but I think I heard the doorbell, which means our dinner is sitting on the porch. Either that or I literally heard bells,” Weston laughed.
I sighed, pressing my cheek against his chest, listening to the steady thrum of his heartbeat. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close, and for the first time in a long time, I felt ... right.
Whole.
Home.
Chapter 34
Antonia
The next day, we were met with a blazing sun, warm temperatures, and hope. Nova ended up spending the night at her friend’s house, and when Cutter came home from Eleni’s, he asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him. He put on a romantic comedy; we sat next to each other on the couch, shared popcorn, and laughed. It felt very cathartic to laugh, especially with Cutter.
Weston had left right before Cutter came home. After we shared a pizza in bed, Weston made love to me again. There was nothing rushed, no urgent need; we took things slow and worshipped each other. I hated saying goodbye to him. Even though he was down the street, it seemed like he was miles away.
I stood in the living room, looking out over Miri’s flower beds. The sun shone on them perfectly. It was like she was up there, directing its rays to us, knowing we’d need her today.
Nova came downstairs, home from Mara’s, wearing a pink-and-yellow dress, and handed me her hairbrush.
“Don’t you look beautiful.” I took the brush from her.
Nova twirled, and the frilly part of her dress fluttered. “This was Mommy’s favorite dress.”
“I can see why. It’s so pretty.” I tapped the tip of her nose with my fingertip. “What would you like to do with your hair?”
“I think pulled up here.” She pulled her sides up and showed me. We went into the bathroom, where I kept most of my things. I rummaged through my hair supplies and found two pins.
Nova handed me the spray bottle and stepped onto the stool so she could see herself in the mirror. I wet her hair and then ran the brush through it. Thankfully, Mara’s mom had brushed her hair last night before the girls had gone to bed.
“We didn’t talk about Mara’s. Did you have fun?”
She lifted her left shoulder. “I’m sad there sometimes.”
“How come?” I feared I already knew the answer but asked anyway.
“Because she has a mommy, but her mommy is really nice to me and gives me hugs when she thinks I’m sad.”
I finished pulling her hair back and then stood behind her, with my hands on the sides of her shoulders. “How’s this?”
Nova nodded and turned side to side. “I love it.” She looked at me through the mirror again.
“It’s okay to be sad, Nova. I’m sad all the time because I miss your mom, but then I remember I have you and Cutter. Being here with you both makes me feel so much better because you’re a part of her. I know I’m not the same as your mom, but when you’re feeling sad, know that I am too.”
Nova turned and wrapped her arms around me. I kissed the top of her head. “I miss her so much.”
“I know, sweetie. Me too.” There wasn’t anything else I could say. I certainly wasn’t going to tell her everything would be okay. I didn’t know if it would. There was a hole in my heart, a part of me missing, and no amount of therapy or time would fill it.
Nova looked up at me, her watery hazel eyes matching those of her mother. “Can Mommy see me?”
This was the one lie I would tell every single time. I nodded. “Yeah, she can. Even though her body isn’t here, her spirit is. She wouldn’t want to miss any part of you growing up.”
“I just want to hug her one more time.”
“Me too. I know I’m not the same, but I do give pretty good hugs.”
