“It happened right before I went to prison. We decided to be together and were planning our future, and then all hell broke loose.” I shook my head because I hated having to rehash those memories.
“Is that why she stopped coming to visit? Because she didn’t want you to know she was pregnant?”
My stomach twisted when I thought about our last conversation. The day Ari came to see me, my lawyer had basically told me that my best option was a plea deal that would require me to serve a minimum of fifteen years. The DA claimed they didn’t want to drag me through court when it was an open-and-shut case.
My head was so fucked up, thinking about the future I would have to give up. Then I was worried about Lyric, because my mother completely abandoned her. The weight of the world was on my shoulders, and I couldn’t take any additional life-altering news. When she told me she was pregnant, I completelyshut down. The time couldn’t have been worse, and I couldn’t imagine becoming a father while I rotted behind bars.
“I need to tell you something.”
“If it’s bad news, save it. I’ve had enough of that shit today.” I grumbled, failing to hide the shitty mood I was in. There were bags under Ari’s eyes, but beyond that, she was glowing.
“Umm, I haven’t been feeling well, so Nova talked me into getting a pregnancy test. I’m pregnant.”
“You need to get rid of it. Logic has my money, so he can make sure you have what you need.”
“Wait, what? I thought—”
“You thought what? There’s no way you thought I would be happy about having a baby with you when I’m locked up, pending a murder charge. I can’t even be a real father to Keyami, so why would I want to bring a new baby into this bullshit?”
“I-I. You said you wanted to have a family with me. I mean, yes, the timing is terrible, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m pregnant,” she replied in a whisper.
“No. The answer is no. You’re about to go to college, and I’m stuck in this bitch for who knows how long. Hell, by the time I get out of here, the baby will be able to graduate from high school or something. I’m sure you probably aren’t too far along, so you can get rid of it with no issues. Let Logic know what you need, and he’ll take care of it for you.”
Ari’s eyes were filled with tears, while my expression remained cold. I needed her to move on, and a baby wouldn’t help.
“I can’t believe you’re being so cruel. You aren’t even trying to come to an understanding or anything. You’re throwing out demands without any concern for anyone else.”
“Right now, the only person I can be concerned with is myself. I don’t need any extra stress in my life while I’mfighting for my freedom. This visit is over as far as I’m concerned. I’ve already put Logic, East, and Lyric on notice, so I guess I’ll let you know, too. I’m removing you from my visitation list. I need to go into this bid with a clear head, and I can’t do that with you coming up here. I appreciate everything you’ve done, but this is where it ends.”
“Wait. Keynauri, what the hell has gotten into you? Why are you being so cold towards me? What did I do wrong?” Her lips quivered, but I tried to focus on something else.
“You haven’t done anything wrong, but we have to be realistic. The best-case scenario for me is fifteen years with ten years on probation. By then, we’ll both be in our thirties, and I’m sure you will have moved on with your life. This is my way of giving us both an out so we can focus on what’s ahead. I won’t be the reason you don’t follow through with your dreams. There is no future for us, so I don’t see the point of dragging things out any longer. You’re young. You gon’ go to college and move on with your life.”
“I don’t want to move on with my life. I want to be with you. You promised that it would be us forever. What happened to that?”
“Life. I can’t promise you shit from behind these walls, and a relationship is the last thing I need to be worried about. I can’t be sitting around stressed about you and what you have going on outside. I’ll drive myself crazy worrying about shit I can’t control.”
“You don’t want me anymore?”
Her words were like a dagger to my heart, but I had to hold it together. It hurt to do it, but it needed to be done.
“I don’t have shit to offer you, Cocoa. My life is over, ma. I’m trying to get you to understand this. There is no us, and I can’t change it, even if I wanted to. I need you to respect what I’msaying and move on. Hell, live life for both of us, since I won’t be able to.”
“I can’t believe this shit. The fact that you’re sitting here with a nonchalant attitude while you step on my fucking heart is crazy. I don’t even know who you are anymore, but I know that I don’t like this person sitting in front of me.”
“You’re entitled to your feelings, but it won’t change shit. I wish you the best in life, and I pray you get everything you deserve. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be the man you needed, but I’m sure he’s out there. Make sure he earns your love, because someone like you is a rare jewel, and you deserve to be treated as such.”
Ari scoffed. “You are truly a piece of work. You’re telling me I deserve the world while demanding I kill our baby. The baby I’m certain you purposely put inside of me. Wow. I think it’s time for me to go.”
“I think so, too. Just remember what I said. Don’t come back here. Take care of yourself, Cocoa Puffs.”
“Fuck you, Keynauri. I hate you! You tore my heart out of my chest and stomped on it, and you don’t even care. I should have never let you get close to me.”
Ouch. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t. At the end of the day, it wouldn’t change anything. I would still be locked up, awaiting to hear what my future would be, and she would still be out in the real world, surrounded by a bunch of niggas who could provide her with the life I couldn’t.
“Regardless of the way you feel right now, it doesn’t change the facts. It might feel like I’m trying to punish you, but that’s the last thing I want to do. If there were a way I could keep you in my life and make you happy, I would do it without hesitation, but it’s not our reality. Our story ends here, and as much as it kills me, I gotta let you go. You might not believe me,but I love you, Cocoa. I’ve never loved another woman the way I love you, and because of that, this will be the last time you ever hear from me. Take care of yourself, shorty.”
“I’ll never forgive you for this. I hate you, Keynauri! I hate you!” Naiari sniveled.
