We waited for fifteen minutes before my food came out. It was bigger than I expected. He grabbed my bag, but I made sure to grab my drink. Hell, a few sips of my daiquiri would help me get through the rest of the ride home. I lived about ten minutes away from the restaurant, but it seemed like thirty as we all sat in silence, aside from the radio.
The only plus side was that Keynauri hadn’t made any attempts to say anything else to me. I continued to face the window with my back facing him so he would know I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him. When we pulled up to the house, I assumed one of the guards would walk me to the door, but it perturbed me to see Keynauri getting out on his side. The guard with my food stepped out as well, and I was grateful for him.
I took a couple of steps toward my driveway, but Keynauri stopped me. I stood there, debating whether to turn around. I meant what I said about not having anything to say to him. All I wanted to do was yell, scream, and cry, and none of those things would be helpful to anyone.
“You don’t have anything to say to me, and that’s cool, so just listen. I can’t go back and undo any of the mistakes that I made, Cocoa. You may not want to hear it, but I was fucked up. I lost my mother and my freedom in a matter of minutes, and that shit broke me. My momma looked dead in my eyes in that courthouse and lied on me. She cried for the man who beat her to a bloody pulp and painted me as an angry maniac. I might have appeared to be holding it together, but I was trying to numb myself from all of the pain I was feeling.
“When you came to see me, all I kept thinking about was the fact that you were willing to give up your life for me, and I wasn’t feeling that shit.”
I stood there frozen with so many thoughts running through my mind. The anger and resentment in my heart were much too deep for me to have a civil conversation with him. Plus, the drinks in my system impaired my judgment.
“Have a good night.”
Keynauri stood there, stunned by my response.
“Naia—”
“Don’t bother. I made it clear I have nothing to say to you. Let’s keep it real for a moment. If you wouldn’t have run into me tonight, you wouldn’t have given me a second thought. Right now, my feelings are raw, and I don’t have anything kind to say to you, nor am I ready to hear your excuses. We do need to sit down and have a talk, but not tonight. I need a moment to wrap my mind around all of this,” I stated, trying my best to keep my emotions at bay. The liquor in my system wasn’t doing me any favors.
Keynauri stepped back with his hands tucked in his pockets. I couldn’t read the expression on his face, but I honestly didn’t care how he was feeling at the moment. It was his fault we were in the position we were in, and he wouldn’t get any sympathy from me.
“I understand. I’ll give you some time to adjust, but I’m not going anywhere. I owe you a real explanation, if nothing else. I’ll be in touch.” With that, he turned and got back into the van. I breathed a sigh of relief when I watched it drive away. I had no idea what the hell was about to happen next, but I knew things were about to get a little more hectic.
“Damn, you don’t look like a nigga whose album just hit number four on the charts,” Logic teased as he entered the kitchen. My chef was making breakfast as I sipped on my morning tea.
“What’s up?” I greeted him even though I wanted to tell him to get the fuck out of my face. I wasn’t a morning person, and I hated being around people who were too bubbly in the morning.
“You good? My phone has been blowing up all night. The world is in a frenzy since you did your surprise drop and reveal.”
“Oh yeah?” The news was great, but I would be lying if I said I wanted to celebrate right now. My mood had been fucked up since last night. What was supposed to be a magical moment turned into something I couldn’t even describe.
“Hello! Nigga, what the hell is wrong with you?”
“What do you want me to say, LJ? You’re sitting here acting as if you weren’t there for the shit show that took place last night. I’m not in the mood to celebrate right now. Shit, I’m still tryna wrap my head around what happened.” I was fuming. Myemotions were all over the place, and I couldn’t pinpoint where to even start to unpack my feelings.
“Oh, yeah. I’m sorry, bro. I was so caught up in the excitement that I almost forgot about the shit that happened. I’m gonna assume that the ride home wasn’t any better.”
“She hates me. I understood her being upset because I fucked up, but she looked at me as if I meant nothing to her. I mean, I guess I deserve it, but it didn’t make me feel any better.”
“Can you honestly blame her, though?” I glanced over at him so he could elaborate.
“What do you mean? You know something I don’t?” Naiari was a sore spot for me, so I made a point of not bringing her name up until now. Most of the people around me were new, so I was able to escape any questions concerning her, but it was different with Logic. I never asked whether the two of them had been in contact over the years, but I assumed not, based on how Nova reacted last night.
“I love you, bro, but you broke that girl's heart. Don’t get me wrong; you were dealing with some tough shit, but she didn’t deserve to be left in the dust. Ari loved you, and she would have stood by your side through whatever. Instead, you broke up with her and completely shut her out. We were all devastated the day you were arrested, but Ari was damn near inconsolable. She could barely sleep, because you were her only concern. She worried about how you were holding up and if you were sleeping at night. She cried and prayed for you constantly, and it got to a point where Nova and her momma had to force her to eat.
“When we talked, you never mentioned that you planned to end things with her, but they didn’t believe me. I don’t think you were wrong for trying to set her free, but I do believe you could have handled things . . . better,” Logic explained. I sighed, recalling what I was facing during that time.
The courts were going back and forth about whether or not I should be charged with voluntary manslaughter, first-degree, or second-degree murder. The prosecution tried to paint me as some monster who planned to murder my mother’s man, and they used her testimony as the final nail in my coffin. My mind was in a frenzy, trying to figure out where I had gone wrong. On one end, I didn’t regret trying to protect my family, but I wished I had taken the time to think things through.
The day Lyric called me screaming, I instantly sprang into action without any thought of what the possible outcome could be. When I stepped into the house and saw my mother on the ground, seemingly lifeless, all rationality went out of the window. I called out for Lyric, but she never answered. I searched the house for her, and when I reached her room, I found her on the bedroom floor, with Tone standing over her.
She had been beaten, and when I stepped into the room, his pants were down. All I saw was rage as I rushed him. I never paid attention when his head hit the edge of the bed. All I saw was red as I unleashed all the pent-up anger I held inside. When I realized he was unconscious, it was too late, and he was gone. Everything happened so quickly that I barely had time to react before they were carting me off to jail.
There were so many things I regretted about that night, and I wished I could have gone back and changed what happened, but life didn’t work that way. Naiari had every reason to be upset with me, but I still wished she would have at least given me the chance to explain why I made the choices I made.
I never should have cut her off, but I let my frustrations get the best of me. For the last seven years, I tried my best to put my thoughts about her on the back burner, so I could get through my bid.
After I fired my first attorney, I found one who was willing to fight for me. He filed an appeal, including a motion to submitevidence that the DA refused to include in the original trial. I had a clean record up until the night I killed Tone, and I had no record of violence at all. Even some of the neighbors testified about Tone’s abusive behavior and the constant fighting between my mother and Tone, including the multiple police visits to the house for disturbance. After reviewing all of the new information, along with my good behavior in prison, they released me with time served and no probation. The judge let me know that he was sticking his neck out for me because he believed it was an honest lapse in judgement.
