The bar was packed. Thursday nights were always busy, and the big football game was on all the tv’s. Lots of people were wearing their Seahawks jerseys and shoveling down chicken wings as they reacted to the game. My coworkers were no different, though they’d fallen into their typical jokes and conversation while they ate.
I nursed my beer, only half-listening as Derek launched into another story about some idiot customer he’d dealt with that week. Normally I would’ve laughed along, added my own commentary. But tonight I was distracted, my mind stuck on James back at the apartment.
We’d been doing this dance for three days now. The blowjobs were incredible. Better than anything I’d ever experienced. But we still hadn’t talked about what it meant or gone all the way or what we were. Every morning I’d wake up on the couch, and we’d act almost normal. Then night would come and we’d end up tangled together again, desperate and hungry for each other.
“Earth to Kent,” someone said, and I realized Marcus was waving a hand in front of my face. “You with us, man?”
“Yeah, sorry. Just tired.”
“Too much overtime?” Derek asked, signaling the waitress for another round. “I told you to pace yourself on that Jackson project.”
“Nah, it’s not work.” I took a sip of my beer, trying to shake off the fog. “Just haven’t been sleeping great.”
“Brittany still giving you shit?” This from Tyler, one of the newer guys. He’d only been with the company a few months, but he’d already proven himself to be the office gossip.
I tensed. “We’re not together anymore.”
“Oh shit, really?” Tyler leaned forward, eyes gleaming with interest. “What happened?”
“Nothing dramatic. We just wanted different things.” The lie came easily now. I’d told it so many times in the past week that it almost felt true.
“That’s too bad, man,” Derek said, clapping me on the shoulder. “But hey, you’re young. Plenty of fish in the sea, right?”
“Right.”
Marcus grinned. “Speaking of which, there’s a group of girls at the bar who keep looking over here. Maybe it’s time to get back on the horse.”
I glanced over and sure enough, three women were huddled together, occasionally shooting looks in our direction. One of them, a blonde in a tight dress, caught my eye and smiled. A week ago, I would’ve smiled back. Would’ve gone over there, bought her a drink, seen where the night led.
Now the thought made my stomach turn.
“I’m good,” I said, turning back to my beer.
“Come on,” Tyler pressed. “The blonde is totally into you. Don’t tell me you’re gonna pass that up. That’s a rebound waiting to happen.”
“I said I’m good.”
The sharpness in my tone made everyone go quiet for a second. Derek raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. Theconversation shifted to the game, and I thought I was off the hook.
Then Marcus had to open his big mouth.
“Hey, how’s it going living with your stepbrother? That must be weird as hell.”
My grip tightened on my beer bottle. “It’s fine.”
“James, right?” Tyler asked. “I remember you mentioning him before. Isn’t he thegayone?”
The way he said it, like it was something disgusting or unwanted, made anger coil in my chest like a rattlesnake.
“Yeah,” I said carefully.
“Must be awkward,” Tyler continued, oblivious to the warning signs. “Living with a dude who’s into dudes. You probably have to worry about him checking you out in the shower or some shit.”
Derek and Marcus laughed. It was the kind of thoughtless, casual homophobia that I’d participated in thousands of times before. The kind I’d aimed at James when we were younger. And I’d never thought twice about it because it wasn’t about me. It was just jokes. Just guys being guys.
But now it was about me. Because I was the one who’d had James’s cock in my mouth this morning. I was the one who’d begged him to touch me, who’d nearly fallen asleep in his lap.
“It’s not like that,” I said, my voice tight.
