But what if someone found out? What if they kept records? What if…
“Jesus Christ,” I muttered to myself. “You’re being paranoid.”
No one would know. That was the whole point of a helpline. Anonymous. Confidential.
I pressed the call button before I could talk myself out of it.
It rang twice before a woman’s voice answered. “LGBTQ Helpline, this is Sarah. How can I help you today?”
My throat went dry as I stood up, heading for the door. “I, uh...” I cleared my throat. “I’m not sure.”
“That’s okay,” she said gently. “A lot of people aren’t sure when they call. Can we start with your name?”
“Kent.”
“Nice to meet you, Kent. Is there something specific you’d like to talk about, or would you just like to chat?”
“I think—” I paused, trying to find the right words as I stepped out into the sunshine. “I think I might be having feelings for someone I shouldn’t.”
“Can you tell me more about that?”
“He’s... he’s my stepbrother. We haven’t gotten along for years, but lately things have been different. And I can’t stop thinking about him. About...” I trailed off, embarrassed.
“About being with him romantically?” Sarah prompted.
“Yeah.” The admission felt like pulling teeth.
“First, I want you to know that what you’re feeling is completely normal,” she said. “Sexual orientation can be fluid, and sometimes we don’t fully understand our attractions until later in life. The fact that you’re questioning things now doesn’t mean you’ve been lying to yourself. It might just mean you’re discovering something new about who you are.”
“But what if I’m not? What if this is just... I don’t know, some weird phase because I’m living with him?”
“That’s possible,” Sarah acknowledged. “But from what you’re describing, it sounds like these feelings are causing you significant distress. Have you ever experienced attraction to men before?”
I thought about it. Really thought about it. Memories floated back from high school crushes that I’d dismissed as admiration. Teammates in the locker room that I’d looked at a little too long. That one friend in college who’d made my pulse race whenever he touched my shoulder. I thought they were nothing, just reactions I didn’t understand. But now… now they had more weight.
“Maybe,” I said quietly. “I don’t know. I never let myself think about it.”
“That’s very common, especially for people who grew up in environments where heterosexuality was the only acceptable option. It sounds like you might be experiencing some internalized homophobia, which is also completely normal given your background.”
“My dad would lose his mind if he knew.”
“I understand. But Kent, you don’t owe anyone else an explanation for who you are or who you’re attracted to. Not your father, not your friends, not anyone. The only person you need to be honest with is yourself.”
I closed my eyes, letting her words sink in. “What if I’m wrong? What if I ruin everything for nothing?”
“What if you’re right?” she countered gently. “What if acknowledging this part of yourself leads to something better?”
“But… he’s my stepbrother…”
“Well,” she said. “That’s not that uncommon either. It happens a lot with step siblings that aren’t raised together. When did your stepbrother come into your life?”
“I was seventeen,” I replied. “He was fourteen. And I left for college less than a year after my dad got married again.”
“That’s pretty late in life.” I could almost hear her nodding.
“But… isn’t that wrong?”
“Let me ask you this, if you and him were already together andthenyour parents got married, would that be wrong?”
