I take a calming breath before I do or say something that will scare her, like locking the doors so she can’t leave or asking her to fucking marry me.
Mikhail stops outside her apartment and she reaches for the door handle to let herself out.
“I’ll get it.” I say as I jump out of the car and walk round to open her door for her. She looks up at me with a smile as I reach my hand down to help her out. I guide her by her small, innocent hand towards her front door, just wanting to touch her as much as I can before the inevitable goodnight that’s coming.
She removes her hand from mine to get her keys from her bag and I ball my hand into a fist at the loss of touch.
“You didn’t need to walk me to my door, but I appreciate it.” She laughs while putting the key in and twisting the handle.
“Thanks again for di—” She’s cut off abruptly by the most irritating and infuriating sound I’ve ever heard.
“What do we have heremoy brat?” Fucking Lev.
Looking towards the sky and gaining every ounce of composure I have, I look back towards the front door seeing Lev make his way down the stairs with Alina in tow.
“How was dinner Wills?” Willows best friend asks her while raising an accusatory brow.
“It was lovely.” Willow smiles awkwardly before a silence descends between the four of us.
“Well, this little family reunion is lovely, but I have to get to the club and Alina was just seeing me out. See you there soon D. Hope you had a fun evening Willow.” Lev says while winking at me. I want to grab him by the throat and head butt him for interrupting us.
“I’ll see you upstairs Wills. Thanks for bringing her home safe Dragna.” Alina says while she blows her nose into a tissue.My idiotic cousin might actually be done for if he’s come here to visit Alina while she’s sick. Actually who the hell am I to judge?
“You better get up to Alina and take over Lev’s duties of making sure she’s okay.” I say and Willow lets out a laugh. She laughs loudly, and it's the most amazing sound I’ve ever heard in my life.
“I don’t think I’m cut out to be taking over ‘Lev’s duties’ when it comes to Alina. I’m pretty sure they didn’t do much talking, or anything really that involved not being in her bed. Even with her being sick.” She continues laughing and all I can do is watch how her eyes crinkle at the sides. How her wide, bright smile creates a dimple in one of her cheeks and how alive she looks. If I took a picture of her right now would she run a mile? Of course she fucking would. What the fuck is wrong with me? Her laughter drifts away as she notices me just staring at her.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean that that’s all Lev wants from her or that he couldn’t actually look after her, that’s not what I—” I bring a hand up and brush her hair away from her shoulder stopping her from finishing what she was going to say.
I run my hand from her collarbone, up her neck and cup her jaw. She’s tiny compared to me, but she somehow looks even more small and delicate in my hand. I would break her. My world would break her. I realise then and there that I can’t do this. I can’t bring her into my life and damage her. I can’t risk her becoming collateral. I can’t risk ruining her life and her never laughing that gorgeous laugh again. I bring my hand down, shoving both of them both into the pockets of my suit trousers.
“Goodnight Willow. Thanks for accompanying me tonight. I’ll make sure to keep on at the chief and if anything comes up about the car, I’ll let you know.” I resort back to using my business tone as I speak, turning completely cold on her asmuch as it kills me and I watch her eyes blaze with defiance and hatred.
Good. Hate me. Please hate me and go back to thinking I’m the rich asshole who only cares about business.
I walk away without saying another word to her and before she can give me the hell I know she was wanting to. I reach my car and get in with a slam of my door behind me. I don’t even look up to see if she’s still standing where I left her or if she’s went inside as I tell Mikhail to get me to the club as fast as he can. I’ll keep watch of her, but the only real way I can protect her is by staying the fuck away.
Mikhail starts the car and pulls out onto the road as I pull out my phone to let Lev know I’m on my way to the club right behind him.
When we reach the top of her street I can’t help myself, I look out the window and back towards her apartment. She’s standing there unmoving. Looking at the spot I was just standing in as if she can’t believe I’ve walked away like I have. I feel my chest ache at the thought of hurting her, but this is for the best. She will never understand, but I’m thankful for that, because it means she will never be tainted by my world.
Chapter Twelve
Willow
The pain in my chest is too much. Too much to be brought on by someone I barely know.
I’m standing outside the door to my apartment and I can’t move. I feel like Dragna walked away with my heart in his hand. The hand he was just touching my face with not even five minutes ago.
I knew it was all too good to be true. A man like him would never see a girl like me and think ‘yeah, I want her’. The worst part is that I don’t think this is really about him though, I just feel like I’ve went back in time to how I felt when I found out Fred had been cheating on me. That sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach where I didn’t feel good enough, pretty enough or worthy enough and I feel sick.
This is why I haven’t given anyone since Fred the time of day. I can’t trust anyone to see my soul or my heart and to take care of it how I would take care of theirs.
He just left. After picking me up and taking me for dinner where I shared so much about my life because he seemed to want to know everything about me. He seemed interested, caring, attentive. The man who has just left me on my doorstep is not the same man I’ve spent the last two and a half hours with and I don’t know how to take the whiplash. I’m just hurt.
“Girl, what’s wrong?” Alina walks down the stairs towards me with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and a cup of tea in each of her hands.
“He just left. I swear he was about to kiss me, and then he just left me standing here.” I say completely dumbfounded.
