He keeps repeating it like she can hear him, and part of me wants to comfort him but I don't because I don't know this man.
So I stay seated and let him cry while Roman and Kirill watch.
Roman moves his gaze to me, and once he sees that I'm staring at him. He smiles and open teeth smile. From where I'm sitting. It looks so forced and terrifying.
I catch myself laughing quietly, not because anything is funny but because this whole situation is absurd.
Roman smiles thinking he amused me, and Radimir looks up. "At least my crying made you laugh."
I blink. "Oh, no, it wasn't that, it's just his face, he looks like he's always one second from either killing someone or telling a joke."
Roman leans back, amused. "Well, Dad, looks like I made her laugh before you did."
Kirill smirks and Radimir frowns. "Shut up, Roman."
Radimir turns back to me. "Thank you for the message, it meant more than I can say, I just wish I could've seen her one more time."
"Even if you had, the illness would've taken her," I say honestly.
He nods, swallowing hard. "So now that you've told me everything, can I ask you something?"
"We're already talking, ask."
"You said you want to leave Russia," he says slowly. "Why not stay with us?"
I don't hesitate. "No."
"Why not?" he presses. "You don't have family in Germany anymore, but here we're alive and we want to know you."
"Alive for now," I say. I’m not sure how long that’ll last with their lifestyle. "And even if I stayed, what would I be staying for, this place is nothing but danger and bad memories, at least in Germany I had peace."
But even as I say it, I know it's not entirely true, because Germany is empty now without my mother, and here at least there are people who want me even if I don't know if I want them back.
And then there's Ilay.
If there's peace, if they broker a ceasefire, maybe I could see him without it being a death sentence, maybe I could figure out what we are without everyone I care about ending up dead. If he’s even alive that is.
Radimir leans forward. "Just try, get to know us, maybe you'll change your mind."
I look him in the eye. "You're criminals, I'm a lawyer, I put people like you in prison."
He smiles faintly. "I don't care what you do, as long as I have my daughter here I'll take it."
I sigh, exhaustion pulling at me. "No, I've made up my mind, and besides I need to know if Ilay is alive."
The words slip out before I can stop them, raw and desperate, and I don't even care anymore because that's thetruth, that's the only thing that's been burning in my chest since I woke up.
Roman speaks up casually. "Oh, he's alive, that man's impossible to kill, trust me he's fine."
Relief floods through me so fast I almost gasp, my chest loosening because he's alive, Ilay is alive, and suddenly everything feels just a little bit more possible.
But Radimir's expression shifts, his eyes narrowing. "Are you and Ilay together?"
My eyes widen. "No, absolutely not, it's just a client relationship, I'm just relieved my family didn't kill him."
I turn to Roman. "Why did you kill Spencer Wright?"
"Orders," Roman says simply. "Spencer had documents that could've shifted the balance, right now Ilay controls about seventy-nine percent of Russia's underworld and half of the top crime networks across the EU, if he'd gotten those documents he would've had leverage over the political networks we control, and that last percentage would've tipped everything in his favor, we couldn't let that happen."
