I have received your letter and I understand your confusion, for it mirrors my own these many months. I have kept silent when I should have spoken, and that silence has caused you pain I never intended. For that, I am more sorry than I can express.
You ask me what happened at Christmas and why you were forced to break with Lord Rutland. I cannot set it all down here--- I have told you before that letters may be intercepted, and I am not fool enough to think our brother does not watch his own post as carefully as he watches yours. But I will tell you this much: what was done was done in my name, Clara, though I had no hand in it and no knowledge of it until after. I have been made to carry the weight of another man's sins, and the threat of exposure has kept me away from London and from you and from our mother for far too long.
I am angry. I did not think myself capable of such anger towards our own brother but it has grown in me these months like something with roots and I cannot uproot it, nor do I wish to any longer. He has used me most cruelly and he has used others more cruelly still --- one in particular whose kindness deserved far better than the wreckage our brother made of her life. I have allowed it by my silence. That is a guilt I shall carry for the rest of my days, regardless of what may come. I think of her often, Clara. More often than I have any right to.
But I am done with silence and I am done with hiding. Despite what may befall me, I will risk all and return to London. Expect me within two days of receiving this letter. When I arrive, I will tell you the whole of it --- every wretched detail --- and then you shall know why we have all suffered as we have.
Do not tell Tyrone that I am coming. And Clara --- be careful. I know you are brave but bravery without caution will serve none of us well.
Your brother who loves you,Thomas
Clara read the letter through twice, her hands trembling by the time she reached the end for the second time. Thomas's anguish was there in every line, barely contained by the careful formality of his words, and she found herself blinking back tears not of sadness but of something fiercer --- a hot,rising indignation on her brother's behalf that was almost indistinguishable from her own.
She folded the letter slowly, her fingers lingering on the paper. There was something in Thomas's words that went beyond anger, beyond the desire to expose David's wrongdoing. The way he had written of this unnamed person ---whose kindness deserved far better--- held a tenderness that sat oddly alongside his fury.I think of her often. More often than I have any right to.It was the kind of tenderness that came from personal loss, not merely from witnessing someone else's suffering.
She thought of her mother, of the quiet determination that had settled into Lady Tyrone's eyes when she had pledged her support.Whatever comes of it, I will stand beside you.Clara drew strength from the memory. She was not alone in this --- not any longer.
She pushed the thought aside. There were more pressing matters to attend to.
Rising from the bed, Clara went to hide the letter inside of the drawers of her dressing table, tucking it beneath a folded chemise where no maid would think to look. Thomas was not coming to London for a pleasant visit during the Season --- he was coming for a reckoning, and Clara could only pray that the cost of it would not be more than he could bear.
A quiet knock at the door had her starting violently, sweat breaking out across her forehead. "Yes?"
A maid pushed the door open. "Forgive me, my lady. Lady Alice has arrived for you. She said you were expecting to go with her in the carriage?"
Clara blinked furiously. "I beg your pardon?"
The maid kept her gaze a little lower than Clara's eyes. "The carriage, my lady. Lady Alice is waiting."
Clara had no recollection of agreeing to any such outing --- but she paused, her mind working quickly. If Alice had come unannounced, there was a reason for it.
"Yes, of course." Clara tried to smile. "I quite forgot. Quickly now, do help me ready myself."
The maid was quick to act though, as she helped Clara prepare, the door opened again to reveal Clara's mother. She was frowning heavily, her eyes sharp as she took Clara in.
"You are leaving, Clara?"
"Alice is come for me. We are to take a ride around London."
"Without a chaperone?"
Clara gestured to her maid. "I can take a maid with me, if you so desire."
Lady Tyrone clicked her tongue. "You know very well that your brother does not like you stepping out of the house without either myself or himself with you. I can be ready in a few minutes, I am sure."
Her stomach knotted. "There is no need, Mother." The maid stepped away and Clara moved forward quickly, needing to find a way to stop her mother from joining her. Putting one hand on her mother's arm, she smiled gently at her. "I am quite sure that you think my brother a little heavy handed. He will not return before dinner and I will be back before then. It is only a short ride around town, Mama, that is all."
Lady Tyrone bunched her lips together, searching Clara's face. Then, much to Clara's relief, she sighed and nodded. "Very well." Her hand settled on Clara's for a moment. "I know that you think your brother much too concerned about you --- I think the same --- but I am certain he does so for your good. He does want you to be happy and contented. That is why he is gone to speak with Lord Atherstone today."
It felt like the floor beneath her feet dropped away as Clara stared at her mother, feeling herself grow cold all over.
"You --- you did not know?" her mother asked, sounding a little surprised. "He informed me that you were interested in the gentleman and that he thought well of him. I am sure that ---"
"Lord Atherstone is not someone I would ever consider," Clara whispered, her fingers clutching at her mother's hand. "Why would he do such a thing? Why ---" She stopped dead, her eyes closing tightly, her breathing ragged. Had Tyrone seen her with Lord Rutland? Had he seen her return to the ballroom after her brief few minutes in his arms? Was this the reason for his desire now to marry her to a gentleman she had not even the smallest interest in? After all, that was one of the things he had threatened should she go anywhere near to Lord Rutland.
She shuddered.
"You will not be forced to marry anyone, I am quite sure." The slight catch in Lady Tyrone's voice told Clara that she was not as certain as she said. "I am surprised that he has done such a thing. I thought, from the way he spoke, this was something you were both in agreement about."
