Josiah nodded slowly. "Either her brother or her mother forced her hand, I think."
"So you are going to ask her more about it?"
With another glance at his friend, Josiah's lips twisted as he considered. "I suspect my mind will give me no rest until I do. My thoughts have been many ever since she spoke to me. I want to know what she meant, I want to know who it was that demanded she write that letter and end our connection."
"Because you hope that, given that she did not want to, her desire for you and her love for you still remains?"
Closing his eyes, Josiah let out a hiss of breath between his teeth. "I cannot let myself think that. Clearly, we are not permitted to have any sort of connection and therefore, I can have no hope that we will be granted that again."
"But you hope for it nonetheless."
Josiah spread out his hands. "Hope is foolish. I just want to gain understanding."
Lord Worthington nodded and then offered Josiah a small smile. "Then I wish you well, Lord Rutland. Why do you not dance with her and speak with her then? The waltz might be suitable?"
"The waltz?" The thought of having her so close to him brought Josiah equal pleasure and pain. "I do not know if I can endure such a thing."
"I am sure that you could." Lord Worthington shrugged lightly and then smiled. "If it will bring you peace, then I think it right that you pursue this and the waltz will give you ample time to discuss things." He tilted his head. "If there is someoneunwilling for there to be a connection between you, however, they may not want to see you draw close to her again and will refuse to let her waltz with you."
"Ah, but I have seen her waltz already, so she certainly has permission," Josiah responded, a sudden fierceness in his chest. "All she needs to do is accept me."
"Then I suggest you ask her, just as soon as you can. The evening is already well underway and it might well be that she has her dance card filled already."
Without warning, Josiah stepped away from Lord Worthington and pushed into the crowd, searching for one face only. Acquaintances called his name; he gave them a nod and nothing more. He wanted only to find Lady Clara.
Finally, he saw her. She was standing beside her cousin and, with her on the other side, her brother. Her eyes caught his, rounding at the edges as he came near and, to his very great surprise, she gave him a tiny shake of her head.
He stopped.
Was she telling him to stay back? That she did not want his company? Frowning, a stab of anger and frustration pushing into his heart, he made to turn away, only for Lady Clara's eyes to move towards her brother.
Then, she looked back at him.
Josiah hesitated, his first response fading as he tried to make out what it was she meant. Was it that she did not want her brother to see them conversing? That he would not be welcome should he go to join them?
His brow furrowed, recalling what she had said to him. She had stated that she had not wanted to write that letter, that there had been no other choice but for her to do so. And who would have forced her hand? Her brother, mayhap?
But what am I meant to do? Josiah rubbed one hand down his face, shrugged and then turned away, ignoring the pleadinglook on Lady Clara's face. I cannot merely stand here and wait for her to find a way to speak with me. Perhaps this was all nothing more than foolishness. If I am not able even to speak with the lady, then why do I trouble myself in such a way as this?
Grimacing, Josiah pushed his way back through the crowd. Foolishness --- that was all this had been. What good could come from their meeting when her own family would not even permit him near? Anger spiked hot in his chest and he curled his hands into fists, making his way back towards the brandy. Yet again, his heart had betrayed him. Yet again, he had been left with nothing but confusion and doubt.
"Lord Rutland?"
A hand touched Josiah's elbow and he turned around, only to stagger a little. He had imbibed more than he had intended and it took a second or two for the face before him to come into view. When he realized who it was, his heart leapt up furiously and his breath caught, although he gritted his teeth against any such feelings and instead, turned his gaze away.
"I am sorry that I had to refuse your company," Lady Clara said, as Josiah reached for another glass. "Would that I could explain, but even I do not understand it all."
"I do not care."
Lady Clara blinked and then looked away. "I thought... I thought that when you came towards me, it was because you wanted to speak with me."
"I did but then you pushed me away with a single look," Josiah replied, still not looking at her. "Clearly, I am not welcome although I have done nothing worthy of censure."
"Of course you have not." Her voice was a little louder than before and, as Josiah threw her a glance, Lady Clara closed her eyes and shook her head. "We should speak, Lord Rutland but I must be careful in how I go about it. If I am seen in your company, then my brother will be greatly displeased with me."
"And why would that be?" Josiah could barely keep the snarl from his voice, his temper growing hotter with every second. "I have done nothing wrong. I have only ever behaved well and now you reject me?"
A hand settled on his arm. "Rutland."
