“Say that to me again,” I murmur.
“Why do we keep doing this, Phoenix? I’ve told you where I stand.”
“Tell me again,” I growl. “Once more.”
“Whatever you think is going to happen between us… isn’t.”
“It has happened. It is happening, and you haven’t done anything to stop it aside from a few weak-ass words that don’t mean shit to me. I’m inside you, pretty girl. It’s me. It’s always been me, and yet you still deny me. Why?”
“If this is about sex?—”
“Don’t insult what this is by reducing it to that. If this was about sex, I’d have had you ten times over by now, and you know it.” I tilt my head, eyes narrowing as I lean in, my lips brushing the air beside her ear. “You had me beneath you in that hotel room, soaking through your underwear, grinding down on me like your life depended on it, and that had nothing to do with power. That was all me. That was us. And maybe you’d have gone through with it… Maybe not. But you sure as fuck would’ve let me make you come in that prick’s restaurant, when the only thing going through your pretty little head was how fast I could get my fingers inside you and whether you could keep quiet long enough for me to finish what I started.”
I slam my hands down on the desk beside her hips, the sound cracking through the room. She doesn’t flinch. Not even a blink, and that trust, the way she knows I’d never hurt her, evenwhen I’m this close to unraveling, sends lightning down my spine.
I cage her in, my chest nearly brushing hers, my breath matching hers, inhale for inhale, as if my lungs forgot how to work unless they follow her pace.
“If this was about sex, I’d fuck my virginity into you right here against that glass so the whole goddamn city could see exactly whoIbelong to.”
Her eyes drop to my mouth, and I nearly lose it.
I want to kiss her so bad it hurts.
I want to consume her.
Rip her open.
Climb inside her chest and close the door behind me.
I want to live there.
Fuck it, I’ll die there just so I can taste her again.
“This is about everything you’re too scared to admit you feel and the parts of you you’re still trying to pretend don’t react to me.” I lean in, just enough to feel her breath stutter against my lips. “It’s about the fact that we belong to each other in a way that doesn’t give a single fuck about timing, logic, or whatever version of reality you’re clinging to.”
I leave the words hanging between us, and she stares at me with those golden eyes I’ve been obsessed with for as long as I can remember—that impossible molten gold that’s like honey laced with fire, a shade that I’m sure no one else in this world has.
I reach up and push a strand of her red hair behind her ear, my fingers lingering against her skin longer than they should, tracing the curve where her jaw meets her neck.
“I’ve been living half a life without you. I’ve been walking around like half a man, but I’m almost whole, Shannen. I’m so close. And I know you love me. I know you do.” She shakes herhead, her lips parting like she’s about to argue and deny our history, but I cut her off before she can get a single word out.
“I’m fine with you not realizing it yet or pretending you don’t. But don’t stand there and tell me you don’t recognize the boy who carried you out of that trailer the day your mom threw up all over your only pair of shoes, and you wouldn’t move because the floor was covered in needles.”
“Or how I ran six blocks with you in my arms because you wanted to stay out and feel the rain on your skin, and I was terrified you were going to freeze to death on me. You were laughing so hard you could barely breathe, and I looked at you and thought,If I can just keep her like this… If I can keep her laughing like this, nothing else would matter.”
Her breath hitches, and I feel the exact moment her body remembers what her mouth won’t say. Her shoulders drop, and her eyes shift—not away from me, but straight back into us. And not just the memory, but what we were before I picked up a bat and smashed everything to hell.
“I’m still him, baby.” My thumb traces her cheekbone, catching the tear that spills over. “He never left. I just buried him under all the shit I became.”
“It’s not about what happened anymore, Phoenix. I believe you. I believe what you told me about that day. But I can’t—” She swallows, her eyes hardening as she tries to shut the door I’m desperate to kick back open. “I won’t be that girl.”
“What girl?”
“The one who forgives you for all the bad,” she snaps, a bitter laugh escaping before she bites it back. “You’re a fucking killer, Phoenix. Jesus, why am I even—why am I still standing here having this conversation?”
“You’re not scared of me.”
“I am scared of you, but not for the reasons I should be. So what does that say about me?”
