Only four weeks until their thirtieth birthday, and I wasn’t much closer to breaking this curse than I’d been when I discoveredit existed. With no one able to talk about it, or blanking out after tossing me a few tantalizing clues, how was I supposed to do what was beginning to feel impossible? I wasn’t giving up. It not only wasn’t in me to do something like that but…
I loved them both. Despite my determination to hold my heart close, they’d wooed me with their own unique ways, and my heart had gone all in and jumped off the cliff.
My chest cratered. I never thought I’d love someone again, but now that the knowledge had been seared across my soul, I knew what I had to do.
Dawn was poking its head above the horizon as I slipped from the bed and went to my closet. I hadn’t touched my pack since a short time after I arrived but now felt like the right and the best time to say goodbye.
Farris rolled onto his back for belly rubs, which I delivered, even stroking his paws in the way he loved, other than the front right with its halfmoon scar on the biggest pad that he’d received before I met him. That, I touched gently, cooing at him while I did it.
Then I settled on the blankets and placed the pack on my outstretched thighs. I’d delayed looking long enough. I lazily stroked the nyxin’s tummy while he groaned and stabbed his legs into the air.
Eventually, I loosened the ties at the top of the bag and spread them wide.
Farris rose and poked his nose inside, sniffing before backing away and sneezing. With a huff, he dropped to his belly and looked from me to the bag.
Like before, I dug deep into the darkness, nudging aside the things I’d brought from Lydel and left there. My fingers slid across the small leather pouch I’d placed in this fortress bag what feltlike a lifetime ago. Fresh and gut-wrenchingly painful then. Now, it felt distantly sad.
I tugged the pouch out and shifted the bag to the floor, placing my treasures on my legs. I stared down at the dear, scuffed, soft leather surface forever. Knowing I’d one day pull it out again, I’d left the knot undone. I removed the items, gently laying them on the bed beside me before setting the pouch to the side.
Lifting the necklace with the stone pendant, I let it spin in the early morning light, winking a blue prettier than a clear sky. I undid the clasp and tugged the pendant off the chain, then added it to the key and the ring around my neck. It felt right to carry this tiny piece of Kinart with me, a thread extending from my past into my future. It nestled warmly against my skin and when I stared at it, a tear trickled down my face.
“I’ll always love you, Kinart,” I whispered. “Please know that.”
Next, I lifted the worn book of poems and opened it randomly to a passage. I read it aloud, Farris’s nose twitching and his mournful eyes turned my way.
Kinart had loved this one in particular. Fate sure had a way of digging the blade in, now didn’t it?
In dusk's weeping whisper, hearts entwine and break,
Love lingers like echoes in twilight’s wake.
Hope’s gentle dawn nudges shadows away,
Though some must step forward, gone astray.
Paths unfurl where dreams shimmer bright,
Leaving beloved footprints lost from sight.
I droppedthe book back into my pack and palmed my face. My eyes stung, and I let a few more tears fall. Leave it to Kinart’s soul to stretch out enough to make sure I read this poem and none of the others.
My shoulders shook, and my heart cored with pain.
Finally, I swiped away the tears and stared down.
Only one thing left from my lost love to touch, to hold, to cherish.
Kinart’s last note. He’d hide them for me, then grin while I opened and read them. After he was killed, I’d found this one tucked inside my dragon grooming kit inside the aerie. I couldn’t bear to open it, to read his words, because they’d be his last. As long as I didn’t read them, he was still with me. I could pretend I’d turn, and he’d be there with that silly grin on his face. That he’d stride forward, sweep me up and spin me around, kissing me.
I opened his last note and pressed it out smooth, tracing my fingers across the parchment more times than I needed to, because…
…Maybe Iwasn’tas ready as I’d thought.
“Being with someone new doesn’t mean I don’t still love you,” I whispered, running my hand over and over across the now-smooth message. “We’re not saying goodbye. It’s not over for us. I won’t let that happen. I guess I just—” Closing my eyes, I stretched out my hand. “Will you hold it and step forwardwithme? I don’t want to leave you behind.”
Something warmed on my chest, and I looked down to find the pendant he’d given me glowing. It shuttered out before I could blink, and when I lifted it, it was as cold as it had been the last time I’d held it.
“Kinart,” I whimpered. “Kinart.”
