The taste of his kiss still clung to my lips. Inside me, everything churned, ripped apart by the tangles surrounding my heart. One kiss, one enthralling touch, and I was ready to throw away everything I’d once lived for.
If he’d pushed it further, I would've begged. And that disgusted me. I controlled myself at all times. If I didn't, if I let loose, who knows what might happen.
What had I done?
Kinart wouldn’t have been shocked. He also wouldn't have been devastated by my actions. He'd want this for me. He'd smile sweetly and tell me to live, to love, to let myself savor the passion I was due. His death still clung to me but in loose threads, not bound to me as tightly as they had been before. They’d turned into tiny barbs gouging my skin every time I tried to take a deep breath.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, as if that could wash away my betrayal.
My body didn’t care.
It’s been months,Reyla.He’s gone. You can’t change that.
I wanted to cling to the pieces of the past we’d built together. They were real. They’d meant something. Yet they were slipping away. Why did everything in me respond to Merrick like my soul had been awakened for the first time? Kinart had been soft, kind, and gentle. All the attributes I’d craved as an orphan who’d essentially raised herself. Merrick appeared kind and gentle, but he wasn’t soft. He was every bit as fierce as the wild ocean beyond the ship. That thrill, his reckless allure, made me feel alive in a way I wasn’t ready to handle.
Stepping away from the door, I scrubbed my hands over my face. I had to pull myself together. I paced, and paced some more, my thoughts churning into a storm that would lash this world and every other one beyond.
A light knock thrummed through the door.
“My lady?” Lord Briscalar asked. When I cracked the panel open, his jovial face greeted me, his eyes bright as he balanced a tray in his hands. “Ah, there you are.” He ushered himself inside. “I brought you your evening meal. Nothing too heavy, ofcourse. I’m sure you’ll find the dish delightful.” He placed the tray on the small table and turned to face me with concern creasing his face. “You look flushed.” He rubbed his chin, his gaze taking in all of me. “Are you feeling alright? Perhaps your sea sickness has returned?”
Heat surged up my neck, my cheeks burning from the lash. “No, I feel fine. Lord Lorant’s cure and the tea Merrick sent worked well.” I crossed my arms on my chest where my traitorous nipple still ached for more of Merrick's touch. “I'm warm, that’s all.”
His brows narrowed, but he didn’t press. “Of course, my lady. If you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to call.”
“Thank you.”
He gave me a polite nod before slipping out of the room, the door closing softly behind him. I breathed a sigh of relief and walked over to the meal, sitting. Hunger? What was that? Lifting the silver cover, I scowled at the stew, biscuits, and a berry tart. It looked good, and I really should at least taste it.
I made myself eat, feeding some of it to Farris, who sat on the floor beside me, begging with soulful eyes. Finished, I covered the plate and left it for the lord to collect in the morning.
Rising, I walked over to the sofa, settling on it, slouching really. I refused to let my mind run through what happened with Merrick again. I’d spent enough time delving into my feelings for one day, and I was done with recriminations. I’d told myself I’d step forward into a future with Merrick, and I needed to continue down that path.
I was no fool.Willingapplied not only to me saying I do, but to what came after.
A king needed heirs.
As much as I didn’t want to see my role at Evergorne Court as solely the mother of the king’s children, that may be the only path open to me.
I didn’t know what to think of that.
But there was no denying I’d enjoy the effort it would take to produce those heirs.
19
REYLA
Ispent the next day hiding in my cabin. Merrick knocked and called out in a teasing voice, but I didn’t reply. He’d rightly named me a trembling fawn, because I was a coward.
Truly, a coward. Finally, after I heard Merrick enter his suite across from mine and the lock click into place, I took Farris for a walk on the deck. As I exited the cabin, the sun winked out of the sky. I strode to the right, following the rail until I reached the windrams puffing softly, pushing the ship toward Evergorne.
“My lady,” the captain said from his perch at the wheel, his head dipping forward in respect. “A lovely evening, isn’t it?”
“Yes. It is.”
He returned his attention to the horizon ahead.
I led Farris to the left of the windrams to avoid the warm, gusty, fishy smell, though the ocean breeze sweeping across theship carried much of it away. Stopping at the rail, I leaned against it, staring at the amazing world around me.
