Selling the team is terrible enough. I should never have made it personal between us.
“There’s always someone watching. You need to watch yourself,” he adds, pure condescension.
I sink into my chair, no longer able to look him in the eye. When things take this turn, it’s better to just be still or play dead, like that scene with the zombie bear inAnnihilation. “I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful,” I say.
“I’m not gonna warn you again. Especially not with these consultants hanging around. I’m paying them a lot of money to help turn this franchise into something profitable, so the last thing I need is you selling yourself out like a cheap influencer. You’re better than that. Whether it’s true or not, you’d better cut the shit. It’s bad for business. Got it?”
“Got it,” I reply, hanging my head.
“Good. If this happens again, you’re off the project,” he says firmly.
I open mymouth to protest, then close it. I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s willing to play dirty to get his way, but still, it cuts.
“Understood?” He gives me an imploring look.
“Understood,” I grit out. If Falkenberg was off-limits before, touching him would be utterly poisonous now.
My father nods and dismisses me. I flee his office as soon as I’m able, waiting until the door closes behind me to let my tears fall. So much for saving them for people who deserve them. I can’t be here right now. Luckily the team is in the middle of practice, so I don’t think anybody will notice if I just leave. Except that I nearly collide with a body as I’m making a break for the stairs.
It’s Ines. She stops abruptly with a smile, but then notices I’m crying and her face falls.
“Oh, no. What’s wrong, Mija?”
I shake my head. I don’t want to talk about it—especially not here, where my father could overhear us, and not when I can barely look her in the eye because of what I know.
“I have conchas in my office. Not very healthy, but I won’t tell if you don’t. Would you like one?”
I really just want to leave, but then what? Like the Lambert family trying to run inInsidious, I know my demons are going to catch up with me. Maybe it would be wise to just take a breather—live to fight another day.
“Okay,” I nod with a shaky exhale. Plus, it would be criminal to say no to a concha. Especially a fresh-baked concha from the panadería down the street like the one Ines hands me. Sitting in her examination chair, I pull the pink pastry apart with my fingers, spilling my guts about Mattias. I don’t tell her about the looming sale, or the money I stand to make from it, but I tell her everything else. Only, I don’t feel better whenI’m done. I feel worse, because I’m treating this woman like my therapist while hiding the truth from her.
“You’re your own person, Freddie. You have to do what makes you happy.” She smiles, drawing back from the hug she’s just given me. It guts me.
I almost start crying again, thinking how badly I’ve wanted to hear those words, but the time, place and person are all wrong.
I’m not sure I know what happiness looks like anymore. The picture is getting blurrier.
Chapter 33
Mattias
I’m sitting on Poirier’s couch watching Ravens recaps, discussing our offense when the doorbell rings.
“Did you order something?” I say.
“Probab—oh fuck.”
“What?”
“Shit. I forgot I told Freddie now would be a good time for her to come over and shoot my part for the holiday special.”
I freeze. “Hearst is here? Now?”
Poirier nods, but doesn’t give me any more time to prepare as he opens the door, making way for the Three Shitsketeers. Freddie stops in her tracks when she sees me.
“I thought you said this was a good time.” She looks back at Poirier. I think I see another blush creeping over her cheeks, reminding me of the other day. My jaw clenches as I immediately banish those thoughts from my mind.
“It is. Mattias and I were just watching recaps.”
