Even though we’ve never gotten along, drawing her ire like this guts me. I guess deep down, I wish I was someone she looked up to. Someone sheadmired instead of someone to be ashamed of, but I’ve just driven the wedge between us deeper and I don’t know if it’ll ever come out.
“I didn’t ruin our family. Dad did.”
“Frederica,” my mother warns, already trying to diffuse the situation before it’s begun.
Maybe that’s part of why my father’s had such a hold on us all. Like the filmSmileillustrates, trauma doesn’t go away if you refuse to acknowledge it. It compounds. Grows bigger, more devouring.
Elle ignores her. “Did you even think about how this would affect us or about the things we’re all going to have to deal with now? This whole city is going to hate us. Mom won’t even be able to go to the grocery store without getting heckled or worse. Who do you think’s going to want to hire me when I graduate, knowing what kind of family I come from? I’m going to have to change my name. Dad might even go to jail—” a sob chokes out of her and she covers her face with her palms.
I take a deep breath, but I’m shaking with rage.
When I feel like my voice is even enough, I say, “Do you know what he did to me, Elle? He manipulated me into a contract I never wanted, because he doesn’t agree with my life choices. He’s trying to controlmylife with a fucking legal contract. I’m not a child anymore. He doesn’t get to make life decisions for me, but he doesn’t understand that because he’s so used to manipulating our whole family without consequence because none of us ever stand up to him. We’re people, Elle, not his fucking puppets.”
She’s crying, and some part of me feels guilty, but mostly I’m just furious.
“You still didn’t have to go nuclear,” she blusters. “You made me and mom collateral damage. You’re so selfish.”
“I’mnot fucking selfish!” I slam my fist on the kitchen counter. My mother, white as a sheet, flinches, and I feel a pang of guilt, but I turn back to Elle. “You can say a lot of things about what I just did, but it wasn’t selfish. Do you know how much I stood to gain from keeping my mouth shut? A fucking lot. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of. But going nuclear was the only option to stop what was happening, and I had to stop what was happening because it was wrong,” I grit out. “I’m not the one who manipulated and lied to an entire community for profit, Elle. I’m not the one who engaged in collusion and tried to put hundreds of people out of work for money we don’t even need. If you feel like collateral damage, it’s probably because you still haven’t learned anything from his mistakes.”
She stares at me, long and hard, but she doesn’t have anything to say to that. My mother, also speechless, looks horrified.
“Freddie’s right,” comes my father’s voice. I jerk around and see him standing in the kitchen entry, looking utterly exhausted—older than his years, in a way that deeply unsettles me.
As much as I loathe him, I know he's not going to be around forever. The fact that this is what our relationship has come to strikes a soul-deep pain.
“This family is in a compromised position because of my business practices," he says. "I realize now that if I keep doing things the way I’ve been doing them, the way Teddy’s been doing them, I’m headed for some very lonely days. All the money in the world won’t change that.”
Elle looks shell-shocked. My mother, shaking her head, pours herself a glass of wine.
“Freddie, may I speak to you upstairs?” my father says.
I’m frozen, still reeling from his last words—and I have no idea what he’ll say in private, but for once, I don’t feel afraid. Wordlessly, I nod and follow him out of the kitchen.
“Obviously, this isn’t how I expected things would turn out,” he says when he’s seated at his desk, myself in the wingback chair across from him, just like the beginning of the season.
For the first time in my life, he looks something other than sure of himself. Vulnerable. Aged. As angry as I am, it still hurts to think I’m the one who’s done this to him. Who’s put his face all over the evening news.
“I’m—”
“Let me speak. You have to understand, I never wanted a part of this team, Fred. I bought in with my brother so I could keep an eye on things, make sure he wasn’t being swindled out of his senses. You know how Teddy is. He doesn’t have many sensibilities to begin with. Throw fame and glory in the mix and it’s a recipe for disaster.” He rubs the bridge of his nose.
“So when I received the keys to the castle, I dealt with it as best as I knew how. I have no use for this franchise. Especially not nine months ago, when they were nothing but a money pit. I saw an opportunity to make all the stress it’s caused me over the years worthwhile. Getting you involved was two birds with one stone.”
Not liking the sound of that, I say, “Elaborate.”
“You know I wasn’t a fan of your career trajectory. You’re my daughter. I want you to have stability. To be a part of this family. I thought if I could rope you into some real responsibility, you’d change your tune.”
“It wasn’t your decision to make for me. You’ve never taken me seriously. Never let me make my own decisions,” I say slowly.
“That’s not true.”
“Yes itis.” My fingers curl around the chair’s armrests. “Remember what you said at the Christmas banquet? That things didn’t mean as much coming from me?”
“I’m sorry, Fred. I didn’t mean that.” He sighs.
“I think you did, and I think it’s going to take a long time before I’m ready to accept that you’re sorry, if you really are.” I think of what Margot said, about paying lip service. “Words aren’t enough. I need to see it for myself. You can’t force me to be who you want me to be, just like I can’t force you to change, but we’re never going to be able to move past this if you can’t accept me for me.”
His expression hardens, but he nods. “I understand that. Let me start with cleaning up some of my mess. Consider our contract null and void. Mateo is meeting with Eros this week. I’ll handle the legal fees and settlements.”
