Two knocks, and my heart is in my throat.
“Freddie?”
It’s Ines. A sigh of relief leaves me, though I still don’t move.
“I saw you go in, Freddie. I’m just making sure you’re alright.”
Goddammit. I’m not in the mood to see or talk to anyone, but the thought of making her worry makes me feel even shittier, so I force myself to go to the door. Surely, she knows what I’ve done now, too. I can hardly stomach the notion of looking her in the eye, but I force myself to crack the door anyway.
She looks worried.
“Thanks for checking on me, Ines, but I don’t want to see anyone right now,” I say. Her expression hardens, and my gaze drops to the floor. Judas Iscariot wasn’t this ashamed of himself.
“You were brave, Freddie.”
I lift my eyes. Her brow set in a worried line—somehow concerned and determined at once.
“I love the Monarchs,” she says, and I realize her cheeks are damp. “I don’t want to see them destroyed like this.”
There are few things more painful than someone looking at you like you’re a hero, when you know you’re Billy Loomis. She should be furious with me. Still, my body moves of its own accord to hug her. When her arms wrap around me, I shatter. Tears spill down my cheeks and I sniffle—looking either way down the hall. I break the embrace.
“Don’t tell anyone I’m up here,” I huff, swatting the tears away.
“I won’t,” she replies with a sympathetic look. “Take care of yourself, Freddie.” I nod and close the door, locking it again. Then, I collapse into the worn and patchy office chair and hang my head in my hands.
Eventually, the noise downstairs dissipates. At one point, I hear voices in the hall, but they sound like rink staff and they don’t come knocking. The press and players are probably too busy demanding answers from my father and Eros to come looking for me at the moment, either. I’ll just wait here with the lights off a little longer until the bloodbath downstairs settles.
Then, my heart stops—there’s another knock on the door. It’s measured, but firm.
I don’t think it’s Ines.
Pulse thundering, I get down on all fours and try to see the person’s shoes through the crack in the door, to see if it might be my father, but I can’t make them out. It doesn’t really matter who it is, because I’m not going to answer. They probably don’t even know for certain that I’m—
The knock sounds again. “Freddie. It’s Mattias.”
My heart stops. I don’t know what to do. Why is he here? I get up from the floor, but I really don’t know if I can face him right now. When did he get here?
“Ines told me you’re in there.”
That fucking traitor. It takes everything in me to open the door, but I’m not Renfield anymore. I unlock it.
Mattias is standing on the other side, and my breath catches the second I take him in. He’s wearing a forest green sweater with brown slacks and cognac penny loafers, looking more dressed up than usual, but his hair looks like he’s been running his hand through it and his eyes are bloodshot and bruised, like he hasn’t slept.
“I didn’t think you came.” I grip the door frame with one hand and the door handle with the other. I don’t trust myself not to touch him.
“I didn’t at first. I’ve been avoiding opening the drive you gave me because I wanted to be done with it. I had fully planned on staying home tonight, and I did, but when some of the guys let me know what happened, I had to verify everything for myself. Most people were gone by the time I got here.”
I don’t know what to say. For a moment, I just stare at him.
“Did you finish it?”
“I saw enough,” he replies. I’m not exactly sure what that means.
It registers to me that we’re just standing here in the hallway, and I look either way to make sure nobody is coming.
He must be thinking the same thing, because he says, “Can I come in?”
My pulse is in my throat again, but I nod and step to the side, locking the door behind him for good measure.
