CHAPTER 18
Myles
Writing that note was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. But actually leaving…walking out that fucking door nearly killed me. It felt like I was leaving part of my soul there. There’s only one last thing to do.
The sun has barely risen above the horizon when I pull into the old cemetery just outside of town. It’s still just as cold and desolate as I remember from the last time I was here…twenty-two years ago for Adam’s father’s funeral.
Adam’s mom had passed away six months prior from stage three lung cancer. His father passed away within six months of a broken heart. He had nothing wrong with his health. His body simply gave up without her. They were high-school sweethearts and he always said his heart only beat for her.
My stomach twists with a guilt so painful, it almost makes me stop the car. When I think about what his father said about Adam’s mom, my mind only goes to Mina. I need to stop. I need to say my goodbyes, leave this place,and never come back. I need to stay far away from her…Even if it kills me.
I pull my car off to the side of the old dirt track leading back to Adam’s family's plot. His parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents are all buried here, so of course, Adam and Angelina will be right next to them.
The sound of my door closing echoes off the headstones scattered around me. It’s the only sound that can be heard as sunlight begins to fill the graveyard. Not even birds are chirping. Nothing…just silence.
My footsteps crunch over the decaying leaves and branches as I make my way over to their plot. I can see their family name carved into the giant marble statue that watches over them. Even the breeze seems to disappear as I stop in front of Adam’s headstone.
Mina must visit them often. The ground surrounding them is tended to. Fresh flowers have been planted, and the headstones are clean. I squat down to run my fingers along the carved words on Adam’s stone.
Adam Warner.
July 10th, 1984 – Oct. 17th, 2005
Husband, Father, Friend
“Friend…” My voice cracks as I trace the word. “Some friend I was, huh?”
The crisp morning air burns as I sniff to choke back the tears. I never came to say goodbye…But I’m here now.
“I’m sorry…Fuck!” I stare at the sky. A single large cloud blocks the sun, making it suddenly colder. “Yeah, yeah. I get you’re pissed I didn’t come back sooner.”
I sit on the grass. It’s cool and damp from the morning dew, but I don’t even feel it.
“Listen…Don’t hate me for what I did. You’re the one who always told me that when I found the one, I would know. You also said once I had her that I should never let her go…Still want to stand by that statement?”
The cloud shifts, letting the sunlight warm me.
“I love her, Adam. And it’s fucking killing me. I can’t even imagine what you must think of me right now…”
A loud, strange sound and wings flapping startle me as a large raven flies off from the tree above me. A single feather falls to the ground next to me. I’ve always loved the color of a raven. That deep blue black that seems to shift in the sunlight. The same color as Mina’s hair.
I pick the feather up and twist it, watching the colors shift as I continue to talk to my best friend.
“You know…If the cop hadn’t told me that no one survived before they even pulled your fucking car from the water, I wouldn’t have left. You have to know that, Adam. I wouldn’t have just left her back then had I known she survived. Fuck! I don’t even know what has happened to her over the last twenty years.”
Another cloud passes, blocking out the warmth and my body shudders. The cold shade seems to seep into my bones as I sit here. I stare up at the sky again, taking a deep breath before I continue. I’m honestly waiting for something to drop from the sky and hit me in the head at this point.
“She’s smart as fuck. Definitely got that fromAngelina. No way in hell your ass would’ve been able to get a PHD by the time you turned twenty-three…But I’m sure you know that. She probably comes here a lot, doesn’t she?”
The sunlight comes back as if answering my question.
“You don’t have to worry, I signed the house over to her. I know it’s what you would have wanted…I’ll keep an eye on her for you, I promise…From afar.” With those two words, the knot that’s been wrapped around my chest for the last twenty years slowly begins to tighten again. “I love her, Adam…But I can’t do that to you…I won’t. I’ve lived the last twenty years with this pain. What’s another twenty or thirty more until I die?”
I stand and place the feather on top of Adam’s tombstone. It’s time for me to go. I brush the mud and damp grass off that clings to my pants.
“I won’t be coming back…I can’t.”
The thought of coming back here when I know she’s alive…Having to watch her live her life not by her side…It’s going to kill me.
