My eyes shoot open.
“MYLES!” I shout as I head back toward the bedroom. I glance in the kitchen once more and notice a photograph magnetized to the fridge.
I pick it up and stare at the worn photograph. The edges are curling from age. I sink to my knees and lean against the fridge to keep my body up. The photo is just how I remember them. My mom and dad, smiling and laughing. They’re holding me, and next to my dadis...Myles. A much younger Myles, but there’s no mistaking it. It’s him.
My vision is blurred by the tears burning in my eyes as I storm back to the bedroom with the photograph in hand. I reach for my phone and stop. On the nightstand is a dark brown leather book that looks like a photo album. On top of that is a piece of paper folded with my name written on it.
Lumina.
No…No!
I sit on the bed and stare at the folded-up paper. I don’t want to open it. I know what’s written inside. He tried to tell me last night, but I wouldn’t let him. He told me we shouldn’t. He said if I knew who he was…
“Fuck!” I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees while running my fingers through my hair. I grip tighter and pull at my strands as the tears continue to fall.
He left me. Again.
Where the fuck was he when Mom and Dad died? Where was he when I was passed from foster home to foster home? Why didn’t he find me? Why?!
Maybe they wouldn’t let him because he wasn’t actually family. My father was an only child this much I knew. And my mother was from Europe and met my dad when she was here on vacation. I know the stories because when I moved back here at eighteen, I talked to so many people who knew my parents. I tried to find their house, but when I did, I was told by the bank that it was privately owned and the owner wouldn’t sell. I never went back to the house because the memories were too painful.
I need to know why.
I pick up the album and note, then sit cross-legged on the bed as I flip the album open. It's filled with photos of my dad and Myles growing up. They were always together. There are photos of my parents and him as well. Then there are ones of all of us. My heart shatters as I see my parents' lives frozen in a fucking photo album.
Sometimes I wish I had died with them.
I touch the back of my head and feel for the small, raised scar from the injury that caused me to slip into a coma as a child. It’s still there.
I glance again at the note and breathe. I choke back the last of my tears and try to calm myself before reading a note that will ultimately break my fucking heart.
I pick it up and slowly open it.
My beautiful Lumina,
I’m so sorry for the words I’m about to write. I’ve thought about this a lot. I was up all night. As I flipped through the photo album that I left you on the nightstand, I realized I couldn’t stay. It’s breaking my heart to even write this, but you deserve to know the truth. I just wish I had known the truth a long time ago. Maybe things would’ve been different.
The night they found your parents’ car still replays over and over in my mind. I was told there was no way there were anysurvivors, and it fucking destroyed me. Your father was my family, not by blood, but from a bond we built when we were kids. We grew up together. If you look through the album, you’ll see all the fun your dad and I had. He was my best friend. So, when I was told you all died, I left. I couldn’t stay in the home where we grew up without him. I ran and never looked back. I cut ties with everyone from this town because it was too painful.
Shortly after the accident, the bank contacted me to let me know that your father had left me the house, but I refused to come back. It’s been empty for twenty years. I had people come in and clean it in case I ever did sell it.
When I came back to town, I was finally going to sell the house. When I went to Badlands that night, I wanted to be numb. I wanted to drink and forget everything. But the universe had other plans.
From the moment I saw the lights hit your silvery blue eyes, I felt something. I couldn’t explain why I felt the way I did. Especially so fast. It was confusing yet calming. I felt connected to you somehow.
I swear, I didn’t know who you were whenI met you. All I knew was that you made me feel something that night that I haven’t felt in over twenty years. Happiness. But when you kicked me out, I was so worried that I’d hurt you somehow. I walked around all night with only you on my mind. I knew I had to see you again.
When you said your name at the diner, everything clicked into place. Your eyes are just like your mother's. Your smile and nose are definitely from your dad. I don’t know how I didn’t see it all from the start.
I don’t regret anything that we did. You brought me back to life. You made me realize I can let go of the pains of my past. I want you to know just how much you mean to me, Sunshine. I’ve never cared so deeply for someone. Someone I could see spending the rest of my life with…Not until you. But that’s why I have to leave. You have your whole life ahead of you, Mina. I’m not the man you deserve. You deserve the life your parents would have wanted for you. One that isn’t with me.
You’ve become my entire world in such a short time, but it would be selfish of me to stay. I hope one day you can forgive me for what I did. I should’ve told you themoment I knew it was you, but I was selfish. I wanted just one night, and as horrible as it makes me sound, I don’t regret how I feel about you, and I don’t regret what we did last night. It was perfect.
You are perfect.
Please don’t ever change, Sunshine.
When you’re ready, the keys are on the nightstand. On the table in the kitchen is a stack of papers signing the house over to you. It's been in your family for generations, and I know your father would’ve wanted you to have it. The house is almost exactly how they left it the morning you guys left.
