I’d expected to have time to work out what I wanted to say before she got home from work, but her car was in the drive when I pulled up. Maybe I was overthinking this. Maybe she was fine, and I was inventing problems where there were none.
But something told me to knock rather than letting myself inside.
I raised my hand to knock, but the door swung open before my knuckles could connect with the wood. Pepper stood in the kitchen doorway, arms crossed over her chest, eyes as cold as I’d ever seen them. Her auburn hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, a few strands escaping to frame her face. I’d always loved how she looked at the end of a long shift—a little disheveled, makeup faded. But the rigid set of her jaw told me I’d stepped in it. Again.
“You’re back.” That flat tone betrayed nothing but her serious irritation.
“Yeah.” Why couldn’t I think of anything more to say? My mind raced through explanations, apologies, anything to thaw the ice in her gaze, but nothing seemed adequate. I was too busy cataloging the distance in her body language—the way she blocked the entrance, not inviting me in, the slight backward tilt of her body as if she couldn’t stand to be too close.
I’d seen this posture before, in the final months of our marriage. It was her armor, the way she protected herself from disappointment. From me.
“I was going to finish the steps today,” I offered, gesturing to the tools in the bed of my truck. “Should only take a couple of hours.”
“Where were you, Rhett?” The question hung between us, sharp and unavoidable.
“Birmingham.” I shifted my weight, feeling the silence stretch. “I should have told you I was leaving.”
“Yes, you should have.” Her fingers tightened around her biceps. “But that’s not what bothers me. It’s that when I called, you brushed me off. Like I wasn’t entitled to know.”
“I didn’t mean to?—”
“It feels exactly like before.” The hurt in her voice cut deeper than any anger could. “You deciding what I need to know. What I can handle.”
Shit. It wasn’t that. Not at all. But I understood that’s what it looked like from her side.
I tunneled a hand through my hair, trying to figure out where to start.
“I think you should finish the steps and go.”
“Go?” Panic settled in my chest, making it hard to breathe. “Pepper, wait. Just let me explain.”
“Explain what, Rhett? This was all a mistake. I should never have let you back in.” She was already shutting the door on me, literally and figuratively.
My hand shot out, palm slapping against wood. “Wait. Please, just hear me out.”
She hesitated, obviously not wanting to give me even that much latitude. But something in my face must’ve swayed her because she stepped back. “Five minutes.”
Relieved, I stepped inside. She shut the door but stood beside it, obviously ready to usher me out again at any moment. There was no time to come up with something better to say. It was time for the bald truth.
“I went to Birmingham to take the captain’s exam.”
Pepper’s hand fell from the door, her expression shifting from anger to confusion.
“I’ve been working toward promotion for weeks. Chief got me started on the process before this last deployment.” The words tumbled out, my heart pounding against my ribs in an urgent Please. Please. Please. “I had to finish the oral boards and the final assessment this week. That’s where I was.”
Her eyes narrowed. “How is this not exactly the same pattern? You putting the job first?”
“Because it’s the opposite.” I stepped closer, willing her to understand. “Being captain means a more predictable schedule. It means less running into burning buildings and more managing the crew who does. It means better pay, better benefits.” I swallowed hard. “It means a better work-life balance. The kind we never had before.”
I risked reaching for her hand, pitifully relieved when she didn’t jerk away.
“I’m putting down roots, Pepper. Real ones. Planning for our future—the one we always talked about but I was too stupid to prioritize.” Another step closer, so I could see the gold flecks that highlighted those eyes I loved so much. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to jinx it. I wanted to surprise you when it was official. And honestly? I wasn’t sure I’d pass. Didn’t want to get your hopes up in case it didn’t work out.”
Not a flicker of reaction passed over her features, and I was reminded that my ex-wife had the best poker face of anyone I knew.
“I can see now that was the wrong call. I should have told you. It was exactly the kind of thing that drove us apart before—me making decisions without you. And I’m sorry.” I squeezed her hand gently. “I’m so damn sorry. But I need you to know I want to make this work. I’m trying to make the changes you need—that we both need—so we can have all those dreams we planned. The life. The family.” My voice dropped lower. “I want that family with you, Pepper. Children with you. A home that’s actually a home.”
My throat went tight with the fear that I’d fucked it up again. But I needed to get through the rest of this. Lay it all out.
