“We can try.” A tear slipped down her cheek. “God help me, but I want to try.”
I pulled her into my arms, careful not to crush her, though every cell in my body wanted to hold her so tight she’d never slip away again. This was my second chance—maybe my last chance—and I wasn’t going to waste it.
Sixteen
Pepper
I leaned against Jess’s coffee truck, soaking in the afternoon sun while clutching my Pour Decisions special—extra shot, extra hot. Just how I needed it after the night I’d had, tossing and turning, thinking about Rhett’s hands on my lower back, his lips brushing my ear when he’d whispered goodnight.
“So?” Meghan nudged my shoulder. “You gonna tell us, or do we need to pry it out of you?”
“Tell you what?” I took a deliberate sip, avoiding three pairs of expectant eyes.
Allie snorted. “Please. The whole town’s talking about how Rhett MacAvoy’s truck has been parked outside your place almost every night for nearly three weeks.”
“He’s fixing my porch.” It was the same excuse I’d been using since this started.
“That must be one complicated porch.” Jess handed Meghan her drink with a knowing smirk. “Or is he inspecting other parts of the house now?”
Heat crawled up my neck when I thought about some of the very thorough “inspections” he’d done. “We’re taking things slow.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. He wasn’t sleeping over, and we weren’t making any plans for him to move back in. But I hadn’t been able to deny our mutual physical needs. It had been too damned long—for both of us, as it turned out.
“Your idea or his?” Meghan asked.
“Mine.” I stared into my coffee. “And it’s killing me.”
The admission slipped out before I could stop it. All three women leaned in like sharks scenting blood.
“Why torture yourself?” Allie asked. “You’re clearly still crazy about him.”
I sighed. “That’s the problem. It would be so easy to fall back into everything with Rhett. Too easy. We were always good together until…”
“Until you weren’t,” Meghan finished softly.
“Yeah.” I swallowed hard. “I can’t just pretend those problems never existed because he looks good in a tool belt and brings me dinner.”
“But he’s trying,” Jess pointed out. “That counts for something, right?”
I nodded, remembering how he’d drawn out plans for the backyard pergola I’d always wanted but hadn’t even mentioned. How he’d been bringing me daisies twice a week since this started. How his eyes followed me like I was something precious he was afraid of losing again. I didn’t doubt his sincerity. He meant what he said. But good intentions didn’t always hold up to real life, and with his shoulder improving by the day, he’d be back on full duty at the fire station soon enough.
“I’m scared,” I admitted. “What if we’re just repeating the same pattern? What if the honeymoon phase wears off, and he goes back to putting everything else first?” That was the real fear. And I didn’t think I could go back to being second string to everything else in his life. I wanted the dreams we’d had when we got married. The house and the dog and the children. But I wasn’t willing to do any of that on my own. Having a family was hard enough with two parents.
Allie squeezed my arm. “What if he doesn’t? What if he really has changed and grown up?”
That question haunted me more than any other. What if this time was different? What if I was standing in the way of my own happiness by being too cautious? I was already past thirty. That biological clock was ticking. But love or no, jumping back into bed and marriage with my ex-husband because I wanted a baby was the height of foolishness. I had to be sure of him before I took that risk. And I didn’t know how to find that certainty.
I took another long sip of my coffee, wishing it could wash away the knot of anxiety in my stomach. “I just don’t know what to do. Every time he smiles at me, I forget all the reasons we didn’t work.”
“Maybe that’s not such a bad thing,” Meghan said, adjusting her chunky turquoise necklace. “Look, I’ve watched you both for years. That man has been in love with you since high school. People change, Pepper. Near-death experiences have a way of clarifying what matters.”
Jess nodded emphatically. “My cousin went through something similar with her ex. Second time around was completely different because they’d both grown up. They actually talk about problems now instead of letting them fester.”
“But what if?—”
“What if, what if, what if,” Allie interrupted, rolling her eyes. “Girl, you’re gonna what-if yourself right out of happiness. Maybe try something new this time.”
“Like what?” I asked, genuinely curious.
Allie leaned against the coffee truck. “Like setting actual boundaries. Tell him exactly what you need from him, not what you think he wants to hear. If he starts slipping back into old habits, call him on it immediately.”
