Knowing I’m safe with Chris to express how I’m feeling, I don’t hide my anger. “You don’t have to talk to me like that. Today was kind of a rough day. I just needed some air, so Istepped outside for, like, five minutes while I was waiting for you.”
When he stops before pulling onto the street, he glances in my direction, his dark eyes stormy. He reaches over and captures my hand in his and pulls it to his mouth, pressing a kiss there as he takes a right out of the parking lot.
After resting our hands on his thigh, he says, “I’m sorry, Lily. I just can’t stop worrying about you. It’s occupied way too much of my mind today.”
Guilt worms its way into my stomach. “Chris, I hate that I’m causing that. Maybe this isn’t a good idea. You shouldn’t have to suffer because of my messed-up life.”
He cuts his eyes over to me before looking back at the road. “If you’re trying to break up with me, you’re going to need a better reason thanI’m thinking about you too much.”
I deadpan in his direction. “You know what I mean.”
Shrugging, he flips on his blinker. “I’ll be fine. Besides, if I think about you this much when I’m with you, think how much worse it would be if I’m not. The only thing that gets me through the day is getting to see your face at the end of it.”
My cheeks heat at his words. That’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.
“Now that we have that resolved, tell me why you had a bad day.”
I drop my head against the headrest with a groan. “Well, I had my first panic attack in probably fifteen years.”
Frowning, his grip on my hand increases. “What happened to cause it?”
I squeeze his hand back. “It was probably just everything catching up with me. But what set it off is a client, who’s been a client for years, came in for a meeting. And shecommented that she was surprised to see me because she heard I killed my husband.”
The interior of the car is so silent, I don’t even know if Chris is breathing.
“Chris,” I say quietly, attempting to pull him back. “It’s not a big deal. Cheryl dealt with it, and I laid on the ground for a bit. It was fine. I’m fine.”
Finally, he releases a growly exhale and brings my hand back up for another kiss. “I fucking hate people sometimes,” he mutters, keeping his eyes locked straight ahead.
I watch him the rest of the way to his place. There’s something about him that seems off, and it worries me. It’s not just him snapping at me. It’s this undercurrent of emotion that I don’t understand and am scared to ask him about out of fear he’s changed his mind about me after all.
Squeezing his hand one more time, I hope what he said is true about needing me. Because there’s no question that I need him.
29
Chris
I’m fucking agitated.
And that’s putting it mildly.
I stare out the window, down at the city. People and cars go about their days as if they don’t have the weight of the world on their shoulders. Hoping alcohol can clear me of my unsettled state, I take a sip of bourbon.
The fact that Tony broke in and offered me something that I want more than anything in the world rattled me more than I want to admit.
It isn’t the morality of the offer. I’ve done some things in my career that have bordered on illegal. Hell, I’m involved in a somewhat illegal poker game with a bunch of lawyers and judges, for fuck’s sake.
I’ve always felt that when someone sees the laws and justice system at work from the inside, that person will start to sway to one extreme or the other—the law is the law andthere’s no grey area. The laws are arbitrary rules people, primarily men, have made up to give order to society, and sometimes there can be lapses in the applicability of those laws to every situation when there’s a greater good in mind. However, I recognize that there are risks in making the choice to deviate from societal norms, the least of which is the longevity of my career.
But this situation lends itself to the greater good argument. Blake Bennett was undeniably a bad guy. To his wife. To his business partner. To the community, apparently.
So, should someone who suffered for years because of his actions be sent away for the rest of her life?
I take another sip of bourbon, thinking back to the day that changed my life forever.
When Tom called me and told me what happened, there was no doubt in my mind that he didn’t do it. Because if he had, that would mean that the man I thought he was all those years was a lie. He loved Monica, and she loved him.
In my gut, I know Lily is a good person. And the woman I’ve fallen in love with.
