Even as I feel like I’m going to pass out, I know I need to say something instead of just standing here, staring at the woman who has no idea of the inner turmoil she has caused. I’m opening my mouth to say something when Cheryl approaches. She lays a hand on the older woman’s shoulder and, under her breath, so only the three of us can hear, says, “Tori, what an absolutely horrendous thing to say to one of my trusted employees and leaders of my company. If you ever say anything like that ever again, I’ll drop you as a client quicker than you can sayfive times divorced.”
Tori’s mouth drops open an inch before snapping shut. Without another word, she storms past Cheryl and takes a seat at the conference room table.
Cheryl wraps her arm around my shoulder and smiles at the rest of the team. “Alright, let’s get this amazing presentation going. I can’t wait to show you what the team has put together.”
When the associate starts the presentation, Cheryl guides me to the far end of the table and pulls out a chair for me to sit. My body feels heavy as I sink into the leather.
Cheryl takes the seat next to me and grips my forearm, whispering, “Breathe.”
Breathing as silently as possible so as not to draw attention to myself, I will my nervous system to calm down. Besides the embarrassment of that being said in front of everyone, that night plays on loop in my head, my body reliving every emotion as if it’s all happening in real time.
My head spins, and I feel lightheaded. Realizing what’s happening, I lean over to Cheryl and whisper in her ear, “I’m pretty sure I’m having a panic attack. I need to go to my office.”
Her eyes widen. “Go. Take care of yourself.”
My nod feels jerky as I rise as carefully as possible and leave, doing everything I can not to draw attention to myself, but considering what just happened, that effort is likely to be useless.
Once I’m in the hallway, I speedwalk to my office. I avoid looking up to ensure I don’t make eye contact with anyone. The door flies open, and I catch it before it hits the wall, closing it behind me. Leaning against it, I heave a few noisy, deep breaths now that I’m alone.
When that doesn’t help, I do the one thing I did the last time I had a panic attack years ago—lie on my back with my legs on a chair.
Prone on the floor behind my desk, I close my eyes, feeling tears start to trail down my face and into my hairline. I think about the one thing that grounds me right now—Chris. I remember my favorite moments from our weekend. I think about the first time I saw him. I try to figure out when I first realized I was falling for him. Because it was definitely before we slept together for the first time.
Eventually, my eyes flutter open, not knowing how much time has passed and not really caring. I stay lyingdown and just stare at the ceiling, noting a slight watermark that I should tell the building maintenance man about.
I’m contemplating how many other issues like that we’ve missed because we don’t stare at the ceiling enough when my office door creaks open.
Anna whisper-hisses, “Lily? Are you in here?”
I raise my arm, but realize it’s probably not long enough to be seen over my desk. Dropping it to my side, I call out, “I’m over here.”
Anna’s footsteps are muffled on the carpet before her head comes into view as she stares down at me. “Well, this is unexpected, but I can’t say I haven’t wanted to do this a few times myself.”
I lick my dry lips and explain, “I was having a panic attack.”
Her eyes fill with sympathy. “I was worried about that. Can I do anything to help?”
Sighing, I shift my gaze from her back to the ceiling and point at the water spot. “Will you call the maintenance guy to have him look at that?”
Anna twists to look at where I’m pointing. “Uh, sure.” She looks back at me. “I meant more with the panic attack.”
Swinging my legs down, I hold up my hands. “Will you help me up?” With Anna gripping my hands, I climb to my feet as gracefully as I can with a pencil skirt on. Swiping my hands down my skirt, I fake a smile. “I’m good now. Just needed a moment.”
She eyes me, skepticism burning in her stare. “Okay, I guess I’ll take your word for it.”
I take my seat, and Anna walks around my desk, setting down a folder.
“These are the notes from the meeting. Tori had a fewnotes, and Cheryl basically told her she was an idiot, so the campaign is a go.”
I don’t fake my smile this time. Telling someone they’re an idiot without so many words is Cheryl’s specialty. “Thanks, Anna.” Before she moves away, I capture her hand and squeeze. “I’m truly lucky to have you in my life. Thank you for everything you do and for being the best employee and friend.”
She narrows her eyes. “I’ll always take the gratitude, but I need to ask…did you hit your head on the way down to your spot on the floor there?”
I laugh. “No, just wanted to tell you because I don’t say it enough.”
She nods slowly.
“And also, will you get me a Diet Coke?”
