But I couldn’t help him. I couldn’t do anything except keep burning away corruption and hope I could separate before DAPI captured my physical body.
Ninety percent. Eighty-nine. Eighty-eight.
The pain was constant now, a background screaming I’d learned to function through. Every moment I stayed merged, I lost more of what made me Sidney. Memories of childhood blurred into general impressions rather than specific events. Emotional connections faded, becoming knowledge rather than feeling. Even my love for Ben felt distant, like something I knew about rather than something I’d experienced.
That terrified me more than the pain, more than the corruption…more than the DAPI forces closing in.
Remember, I told myself desperately. Remember being human. Remember Ben. Remember why you’re doing this.
But the memories were slipping away, burning in phoenix fire, becoming ash that re-formed into something else. Something partially creature, partially woman, fully neither.
Through the haze of pain, I heard Rosenthal’s voice. Cold. Professional.
Victorious.
“Ms. Lowell. I must say, this is even better than I’d hoped. Witnessing the merge firsthand will provide invaluable data.”
Ben responded at once, his voice sharp with fear and warning. “Stay back. She’s vulnerable right now. If you disrupt the ritual, it could kill her.”
“I’m aware of that. Which is why we’re simply going to observe and record every detail of the process.” A pause, and I could hear the smile in Rosenthal’s voice even through my fragmented awareness. “Although I am curious whether she’ll still be Ms. Lowell when she separates, or whether she’ll be something else entirely.”
It was the same question I’d been asking myself ever since the phoenix showed me the full ritual.
I didn’t know the answer. I couldn’t know. I could only keep burning corruption and hope I held on to enough humanity to matter.
Eighty-seven percent. Eighty-six.
Ben’s electromagnetic signature pulsed nearby, and through our bond, I felt his fear, his determination, his absolute refusal to let Rosenthal take me. He was planning something, some way to protect me even though he was surrounded by thirty armed agents.
Don’t, I tried to send to him. Don’t sacrifice yourself for me.
But I wasn’t sure he could hear me anymore. My consciousness was too deep in the merge, too fragmented between Sidney and phoenix. The part of me that could communicate with Ben was dissolving, replaced by fire-consciousness that only understood patterns and reformation.
More corruption burned away. Eighty-five percent. Eighty-four.
I was getting closer to the creature’s heart, where the last clean fire remained. If I could reach it, if I could hold that pattern while burning away everything else, we might survive this. Might re-form with our identities somewhat intact.
Distantly, I heard an unfamiliar voice. “Dr. Hargrove confirms the artificial portal is destabilizing. Containment failure imminent.”
“How long?” Rosenthal asked, her tone sharpening.
“Minutes. Maybe less.”
Good. The diversion was working, even if it hadn’t pulled enough forces away to matter. When Eric Hargrove destroyed the artificial portal, the stolen phoenix essence would return to the natural system through me, through the merge.
That influx of energy would accelerate the final phase and make the pain worse. But it would also help burn away the remaining corruption faster.
I just had to survive long enough to benefit from it.
Eighty-three percent. Eighty-two.
My awareness was splitting now. Part of me was still Sidney, still human, still desperately holding on to her identity. Part of me was the phoenix, the fire-creature, ancient and inhuman and beautiful. The two parts were merging, becoming one consciousness that was both and neither.
The part of me that was still Sidney screamed in terror.
The part of me that was phoenix sang in joy.
And somewhere between those two extremes, something new was forming. Something that might survive separation.
