All heads turn his way.
"And you didn't think you should say anything about it?" says Jeanette.
"Since when were you a social media user?" asks Elly. "I thought you were all" – she puts on a posh accent – "'I couldn't possibly use those technological whojamadaddies due to all the spy trackery, which might compromise my cover as an eccentric ex-shroomhead'."
"Occasionally I like to remind them they have an operative in their midst, ready for lethal active duty should they require it."
"Right," says Elly. "And watching a TikTok channel about men's lack of romantic know-how certainly gives that impression."
Ed's shoulders shake with laughter, but he makes no sound. It's the most engagement he's had with the conversation in several minutes, which isn't particularly confidence-building.
"What do you think of the sculpture, Ed?" I ask.
He sits up suddenly, like he's a school student who's been put on the spot after not paying attention. "Um." He swallows. "What's the response been from your followers?"
It's not an answer to my question and I have no idea why he might be deflecting, but I'll humour him for now given I'm about to do my big reveal and what he thinks doesn't actually matter in the scheme of things.
"Excellent. Like, really fucking incredible actually. They're loving it."
"That's fantastic, Bess," Ed says. "I hope it's selling more art."
And here's the moment I've been waiting for. "Speaking of which, for all you doubters in the room, this sculpture is the answer to our financial problems."
"How so?" asks Ed.
"I'm going to auction him off as an art installation."
Elly raises her eyebrows with an, "Oh!"
Jeanette slaps both her hands across her mouth.
Lutek looks at Ed.
Ed's face pales, which is...interesting?
And Carlos looks at his watch, which would be offensive from anybody else who existed on Planet Earth.
It's not the reaction I was hoping for. They should be ecstatic, especially given the next piece of information. "In fact, I've started the auction on it. It's already past two hundred thousand pounds."
"Oh my God!" says Elly. “Two hundred thousand?”
"I know, right? By the time he's done, he should fetch exponentially more than that and I'll have a deposit any bank will want to take a look at." I eye the rest of the group.
Jeanette still has her hands pressed to her mouth, but is now looking at Ed.
"What the fuck is wrong with all of you?"
"It's big news," says Ed. "We're just...letting it sink in."
Elly asks, "What are you going to call it?"
"I'm thinkingA Lettered Man."
"That's clever. I like it."
Nobody else seems to. I shouldn't have to sell the idea to them. It's the answer to the whole The Odour problem, but it seems I have to sell it to them anyway. "See this little cavity where his heart should be? I'll put the original letters in there."
"Ooh," says Elly. "That's a nice touch."
